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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 23, 2019 - 08:31pm PT
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2 quick questions - did you grow up in that house - and where is your mother right now?
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Feb 23, 2019 - 11:09pm PT
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I chose to live a debit free lifestyle until now, to my detriment.
The glass half full way to look at it is you don’t have a bunch of debt to worry about. Plenty of divorces involve one spouse having spent a lot of money frivolously and the debt getting split 50/50. No credit is much better than tens or hundreds of thousands of debt.
Mortgages are often good debt. In the long run you are often better of buying a house with a loan vs renting. You’d have to pay rent anyway and lose all that money, your house often appreciates, you deduct the interest from your income on your taxes.
Credit cards are great IF you pay them off every month. I get a lot of money back in rebates and it’s way more convenient than cash, but if you don’t have the discipline or ability to pay them off every month don’t risk getting one.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 11:10pm PT
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Yes, early sobriety, but it’s successful so far.
Yes, I grew up in the house. My mom and grandma live two doors down. I’m fixing to buy it.
I’ll show you photos of the place and the property, it’s pretty sweet. Right on the river, beach in the backyard. Class three standing wave when the water is running, fun little surf wafe. Bouldering 1/8 mile away. A little slice of paradise, that’s why I’m trying to hang onto it.
No, you can’t see photos of my family, weirdos.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 11:25pm PT
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If anyone is on the east coast, I’m going to run Franconia Ridge this morning. Feel free to hang out. My running isn’t super fast, so don’t be intimidated. Tradmanclimbs? You out there?
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Feb 23, 2019 - 11:31pm PT
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You are about 1.5 hours from where I grew up in North Mass. sounds like a great area and property. You’re close enough to cities for work etc but in the country, nice.
If your family owns the property outright maybe they could sell to you with a promissory note (a mortgage). Write it up all legal. There is a minimum government mandated interest rate, it’s very low.
But I wouldn’t worry about that right now. Focus on your sobriety, job, divorce, in that order IMO.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 24, 2019 - 07:08am PT
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IMO, you need to get out of that house. Alcoholics drink instead of maturing and for reasons I can only speculate on the details, my read on what's been presented is that you're still 18 and fear growing up and leaving that house. AA won't fix this. A few years of therapy might help.
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urban burnout
Mountain climber
industrial park
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Feb 24, 2019 - 08:04am PT
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ah f*#k beejay; wisdom and life skill wane and wax, eh? lunar-like.
for example, i just now took a piss and forgot to shake it out and
now the inside of my pant leg is all wet and i'm out framing in the snow; f*#king life skills; c-
right now, brandon, you are not well. things are not well.
so lower your shoulder and find the 'navigating not well mood."
many of us have and are within the not-well landscape.
don't avoid it, though. drag your bruised self thru.
like walking ridges. is good. running. drawing leaves.
volunteer somewhere.
our f*#king soft culture insists that we avoid discomfort.
f*#k trump america. help yourself out. help others.
you'll emerge someday, well again. and hopefully
there will be a beautiful and understanding lady by your side.
and occupying your space will be a better man, because of your
journey thru alcoholism.
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urban burnout
Mountain climber
industrial park
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Feb 24, 2019 - 08:06am PT
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the fact that you're praying about
an internet thread is more f*#king ridiculous.
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capseeboy
Social climber
portland, oregon
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Feb 24, 2019 - 08:29am PT
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Q. Is it rude to be just a little suspicious of strangers soliciting for money on the internet?
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Contractor
Boulder climber
CA
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Feb 24, 2019 - 09:11am PT
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IMO, you need to get out of that house. Alcoholics drink instead of maturing and for reasons I can only speculate on the details, my read on what's been presented is that you're still 18 and fear growing up and leaving that house. AA won't fix this. A few years of therapy might help. Probably the most ignorant thing I've ever read on ST considering the circumstances.
Brandon- love that house with everything you have. It's your only asset and you have the skills to improve it at penny's on the dollar. You already know this.
Get a sponsor who knows your game. A person who's only reimbursement is the satisfaction of helping another soul going through something they know well. I watched my sister fight alcoholism off and on well into her 50's. She ate therapists and expensive rehab clinics for lunch- usually exacerbating her problems with prescription drugs she effortlessly conned them out of. The only solid sobriety she enjoyed (for about 10 years), was due to a tough and supportive AA group who brought to bear all the experience of how to expose and confront the con that addicts play.
And most of all- show up to work tomorrow and every day without a pitty dick in your mouth- nobody cares. Here's what your boss cares about- Early is on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable. Write everything down including; your bosses daily instructions, job info, hours and tasks completed. This will instill and enhance your carpentry and business acumen. Take the plans home to study, read construction books, watch videos and work on your own time to become a true tradesman.
Fill the dark places in your mind with a sense of pride. Re-devote yourself to being the most valuable employee possible while helping others around you as a simple and honest exercise.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 24, 2019 - 09:50am PT
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Contractor seems like a good dude, I’m not irrational, just going through a rough time
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 24, 2019 - 09:52am PT
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There are Peter Pan issues at play.
Oh for crying out loud - there are Peter Pan issues at play in at least 60% of the people who post on this forum. And yet, some of these people are fully capable of getting through life.
Early sobriety is a roller coaster of emotions, drama, fear, frustration, wonder, amazement and overwhelm. I remember at about 30 days when I walked past a window box of plants that I'd see JUST the day before and was wowed by how brilliantly green the colors were. They hadn't gotten greener; my alcoholism had so tamped down my senses that COLORS WERE DULLED.
At 90 days I had intense feelings of the air I was breathing being somehow acidic in a strange way, and imagined that my hips wouldn't *quite* know how to make my legs navigate if I stood up. I felt, emotionally, as if I were walking a tightrope(I didn't know what a slackline was back then, and it sure wouldn't have been a slackline with any give anyway); if I made the SLIGHTEST bauble, I would plummet to....I don't even know, since it was just the way I felt and at least I knew it wasn't physically real.
While sitting in an AA meeting, listening to the speaker and contemplating these strange sensations within my mind's body, I actually had an experience I can only assume was what a person TRULY reborn would experience. I HONESTLY felt I was navigating(not of my own accord) through one plane of existence through to another. WOAH....is all I can say, even recalling it all these years later.
There was a point where the Ringling Circus came into town and people had pictures of the traveling vehicles and the elephants. I can't even recall if it was a train, but that's what I'm thinking now(which may be incorrect). Seeing the picture of the elephant brought such a sense of JOY to my senses that I began crying in happiness.
They call this sort of the a "Pink Cloud," and I floated on one for months, before gently being settled to a more evened-out emotional ride. It was AWESOME.
And I'm certain I seemed off my rocker to many.
If someone don't have direct experience with alcoholism and recovery, their opinion is second class at best. They simply can't imagine what the mechanics involved are. And they can thank their lucky stars for that, rather than know from having gone through it.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 24, 2019 - 10:07am PT
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No - my point is AA might be an effective program to stop drinking, by all means do it, but it's not going to guide you into adulthood. Your parents appear to have failed you, so you're going to have to find alternate counsel and a path of your own. Happi - you're exhibit A on this point, frankly.
I couldn't disagree more - GTFO of that house.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Feb 24, 2019 - 10:17am PT
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Brandon just a reminder to take everything here with a grain of salt. I try to qualify my statements with things like “often” “IMO” etc. what worked for me may not work for you. Give the most stock to people with similar experiences like Happi. From what I’ve seen with someone beating it a sponsor IS super helpful. Don’t put much if any stock in the haters and trolls.
Alcoholism is a disease. I’ve seen people feel ashamed because they think it’s something they chose or they were too weak to stop. But if they got cancer they wouldn’t blame themselves. It’s similar with mental illness. No one chooses it and it’s hard to beat. Don’t worry about the past just make good choices in The present.
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capseeboy
Social climber
portland, oregon
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Feb 24, 2019 - 10:19am PT
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Wiki: Peter Pan has become a cultural icon symbolizing youthful innocence and escapism.
My dad was a alcoholic and my mom had mental illness. Although I had a childhood, I was so traumatized by my environment I never had an emotionally innocent childhood---I just felt responsible for everything painful.
Thus, I spent many many years over compensating and escaping; and making tons of poor decisions. Fortunately, I made a few good ones too.
Peace.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 24, 2019 - 10:21am PT
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No - my point is AA might be an effective program to stop drinking, but it's not going to guide you into adulthood
Actually, yes, it can, and does, if one follows the Steps, Traditions and Concepts. The reprieve from drinking is just the base.
As for me - well, fine. I will agree that I missed a lot of the entrance ramps on the highway of life. Sometimes that's extraordinarily painful. Sometimes I'm just grateful that I got sober after decades of using pot and alcohol to stay sane enough that I wasn't cowering in a corner as a nonverbal being, or a runaway at 13 caught in trafficker net.
When someone is traumatized, a part of their being does stop a regular path toward a "normal" adulthood. That's well known.
My first trauma, that I remember, occurred at 2 years old, and at 4 years old, my father tried to kill me. So even in this 56 year old body, there is a portion of me that is 2, and 4, and 9 and 12, and 16.
I'm doing okay, all things considered. And I won't be shushed by people who try to shut me up by belittling me.
IMO, where a person lives is not the top priority in sobriety. The top priority is - to not drink. Full stop. I sponsored a young woman living with her physically violent pimp for a short time. It was horrible, trying to help her find a way out of that, especially when she would agree to some steps and then turn right around and run back to him.
But everyone is entitled to their opinion.
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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Feb 24, 2019 - 11:23am PT
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JLP:
I couldn't disagree more - GTFO of that house. A particular house doesn't matter.
You can't run and hide from yourself.
You need to commit a tricky act: to confront your old self while embracing and loving it.
Moving to another place would not help with this task.
Happiegrrrl2:
Oh for crying out loud - there are Peter Pan issues at play in at least 60% of the people who post on this forum. And yet, some of these people are fully capable of getting through life. Thank you Happiegrrrl2 for such eloquent phrase.
Is this your own observation or borrowed from somebody else?
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Chugach
Trad climber
Vermont
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Feb 24, 2019 - 11:36am PT
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FWIW, 12 years ago I was dead broke, unemployed, just lost everything in bankruptcies and staring at my wife and 3 kids trying to figure out how TF I was going to get out of this mess. I went through the stages of grief and eventually just ended up so pissed off and with such a chip on my shoulder that I was either reversing all my misfortunes or going out as the most (what's the right word here, poverty-combative?) human that every lived. Happy to say it worked. I'm far above all my previous high-water marks in life; finances but also marital bliss, happiness, parenting, etc. I've still got a chip on my shoulder from all my prior failures but everyone else seems happy with the results.
My suggestion to to fill yourself with so much self-loathing that you change yourself forever and never, ever, ever come back to this shitty moment.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 24, 2019 - 11:50am PT
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A particular house doesn't matter. Your environment matters a lot and you're less likely to discover its effect on you from within it - IMO he definitely needs to leave.
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