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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Original Post - Feb 21, 2019 - 04:35am PT
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Out of money, out of food, and my heating oil just ran out last night. I f*#king hate asking for help, it makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I don’t know what else to do. Starting a new job next week, but I’m in a really tight spot. I’m good for the money, and it really sucks asking for help. Life isn’t easy sometimes.
And, any naysayers should keep their traps shut. Now is not the time for negativity. Thanks.
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Feb 21, 2019 - 07:03am PT
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Hey folks, I just want to chime in: I spoke with the dude last night.
This does not seem to me to be fabricated or "sponge" manipulative behavior in that: 1) I had never spoken with Brandon, and he sounded super excited to have found that new job close to home. It sounds like a job I might like; 2) I felt that Brandon was forthright with me about recent developments in his journey, as I was with him about those in my own journey; and 3) He did not ask me personally for financial assistance, probably because he picked up on the fact that I am not in a spot where I can do so at the moment. I have never given to a GoFundMe (ever), but Brandon's openness and readiness to rely on the greater group here versus some kinda 1:1 request for assistance impresses upon me that this is probably "legitimate" and a worthwhile stopgap assistance measure for folks that are currently in position to help out.
What is the best way for folks to help get you some ducats for to keep yourself and your home and your pups primed for you to be work-ready Brandon?
I'll probably give you a call at some point soon dude, and we can enjoy a fun German game - first, one of us can tell a story of recent self-loathing und angst, then the other one enjoys a good bellyful of schadenfreude and we can both laugh at the fact that we are both (relatively) rich enough suffer the weltschmerz.
When I find that 100 karat N Fk Poudre diamond, I'll share in the good fortune with you. For now, I'm rooting for you brother-man.
We are motivated by the joy of taking care of one another and the trust that when we are in need, our community will take care of us in return. We do not give to gain leverage over others or to add philanthropy to our resumes. For many people with aboriginal roots, the act of giving brings us closer together and is a loving commitment to our community. But in European American culture, which is built on property ownership and saving for oneself, giving is seen as a sacrifice sometimes resulting in feelings of loss or of giving up something. This type of system feels isolating, distrusting, unbalanced, and lonely in the context of some first nation or indigenous cultures.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 21, 2019 - 07:52am PT
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Upon further consideration, I’d like to rescind my request. I’m no more worthy of help than anyone else. Yes, my life is a bag of sh#t right now, but who am I to think that my travails are more prescient than anyone elses? I’m just being selfish, and that’s not ok. I owe all of you a huge, huge apology. If I learned anything in AA, it’s how to be humble. I need to learn how to be humble and ego free as best I can once again. I’m so sorry.
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Feb 21, 2019 - 07:58am PT
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My statement still stands. If a brother's got a ducat to share, I say share it. I think this is legit. I'm rooting for you to be ready to get and keep that gig, but you're the captain of your own ship amigo.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 21, 2019 - 07:58am PT
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Go donate some plasma and get on welfare, begging is for the weak.
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capseeboy
Social climber
portland, oregon
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Feb 21, 2019 - 08:10am PT
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Hey Brandon, good on you. Pride has been the downfall of many a person. If your able bodied, there are usually always jobs that no one else wants to do, and waiting to be done. There is no shame in even the lowest work, and even lower stress.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 21, 2019 - 08:20am PT
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begging is for the weak.
Weird. So when you replied did you just choose to not read a single word that I wrote? Seriously, did you read anything? I’d love to point fingers and call names, but that would just make me as d#@&%ey as you. Lol, you know what I just did there.
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thebravecowboy
climber
The Good Places
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Feb 21, 2019 - 08:37am PT
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being an as#@&%e is for the weak.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 21, 2019 - 09:08am PT
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Unfortunately, I need to focus on getting my sister paid back for her loan to have my brake work done, and soon it is travel east time, so I pretty much have to stay focused on that. What I can offer is some suggestions, and as you said - humility. There is no shame in being vulnerable and in need; it's on the person who reacts, how their reaction goes, and not on the vulnerable one. As they say in AA, and elsewhere, "To Thine Own Self Be True."
 Don't drink, no matter what.
Someone once told me that all humility is, is being "right-sized." Interesting way to view it.
The plasma thing. I know people have done it, and find it a good way to get a fair sum of cash, while helping some others anonymously. I came close to that point(going to sell plasma) but my pride told me "not needed, yet."
Call your creditors before things get turned off, and explain the situation.
AA meetings have coffee and cookies. Coffee has no calories, but I do recall going through a short period in my life where those 2 or 3 cookies were a part of my caloric coverage for the day.
People in AA meetings have taken a hungry new member to the diner, when they shared their situation in a meeting. No guarantee, of course, but by being vulnerable by sharing the honest truth, it provides insight, and in the long run that is priceless.
If you are willing to do small tasks for immediate cash, say so. People often have small tasks they're willing to pay you for. When you get such a task offered, do it to the best of your ability. If you don't want to do small tasks, you're not as hungry as you think. No offense, but I have discovered this myself. I am not a very humble person. Even so, I have done small tasks that annoyed the hell out of me to have to do.
Food Bank: Go. Today. Spices and flavorings can go a long way in making pasta and a milk and flour roux(gravy) go a long way. Or a can of beans. Unless your wife cleaned out the pantry, I bet you have Salt, Pepper, Oregano and the like. If you like something sweet(I do), rice pudding is the best. Cooked rice, mixed in a little sugar, vanilla if you have it, and milk. Heat it up and let it cool down to thicken. Those things make very bland food palatable, and I heaven knows I have been actually really happy with some of the things I concocted out of my "I have no food" items in the bin.
Did you go, yet to social services?
Animals: Call your local ASPCA and ask them if there is any assistance available for feeding your pets in the short term. They may have a program, or some ideas. It might be an option to ask pet-loving friends if they can foster your pet short term, until you get back to work and earning a paycheck. Just don't forget that it is short term only. Maybe you can do dog walks for the person who has doggy as a guest for their own dog, and is at work all day.
AA meetings up the wazoo. You aren't working yet, so there's absolutely no reason to not be going to at least a meeting a day. Or two, or three. The meetings will help you stay focused on the present, and will present opportunities otherwise unavailable to you. Go early and help set up. Stay to help put the chairs away. If asked to go to the diner after, go. You CAN say "I haven't money, but I'd like to come along and have company."
I know - you are thinking "I'm going to lose my home. I need to deal with something of THAT magnitude."
Untrue. You need to deal with this moment in time, and only this moment in time, impossible/uncomfortable as that may seem. Ask yourself - Do I have what I need right now? Not at the end of the month, or beginning of next week, or tomorrow morning or even in two hours. Do I have what I need, right now. If the answer is not yes, think harder. Stay in the present.
Once you get back to work, earning a paycheck, you may be able to focus on some things further down the road. But that time is not now, and there are many things that can change and happen between now and then.
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Feb 21, 2019 - 10:56am PT
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Anything to sell?
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 21, 2019 - 11:27am PT
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The codependency has run high in these threads and I have to acknowledge that among my own reasons for posting to a few of them.
My point is you chose in your second post to not to make this [another] thread about begging, so don't.
Stirring up drama and leaning on others to make due and provide emotional support (or more likely more of chaos you're used to and still seem to need) is typical of alcoholics.
Call your utilities, go find a food bank and apply for welfare. I concur with happi and flip - strive for independent adult behavior even when things are at their worst. I pay taxes, so do you, this a part of what they are for.
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fear
Ice climber
hartford, ct
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Feb 21, 2019 - 11:34am PT
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Wise suggestions from Happi.... I might just have to give her a Fluke multimeter.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Feb 21, 2019 - 11:44am PT
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Best wishes, but if "I need to learn how to be humble and ego free as best I can once again. I’m so sorry." were true, I would think you'd just take down the thread (and its earlier buddy).
So, I guess, there's the challenge. Take down the thread and depend upon the good will of those who actually know you or are in a position to get to know you (I'm not). Or keep the thread up and pretend to be "humble" while REALLY insisting that you need the help of piles of people who don't even know you more than the others that we help in our everyday lives.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 21, 2019 - 12:20pm PT
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Humility is, as I posted earlier, about being right sized. Its not about being independent, not asking for help when we need it, or hiding our vulnerability.
Help, or don't help, for whatever your reasons, but unless we are in a position to really know the circumstances of another, it's probably better to not assume we do.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Feb 21, 2019 - 12:29pm PT
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^^^ Absolutely! And NO thread of this sort is going to in-principle provide any of us with the relevant information.
We're not even in a position to ask some REALLY relevant questions like, "When's the last drink you had? Really? Even when you were alone?" And so on. And alcoholics/addicts LIE. Even to themselves. And without very specialized training, a lot of experience, and ongoing engagement, you CANNOT know when they are lying.
It's not "judgmental" to ask (and expect answers to) discerning questions. And it's codependent to pretend that such questions are not front and center!
So, a thread like this really is uselessly narcissistic. People that are in a position to KNOW and help are going to do so without any such thread. And people that are not will not be substantively benefited by any such thread.
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Gnome Ofthe Diabase
climber
Out Of Bed
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Feb 21, 2019 - 12:58pm PT
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For certain, please, if anyone can spare a few or some dollars, 2 tens, or a hundred whatever you can, hello it is for Brandon.
Many are deserving & in need - this is a hardscrabble time of year.
Here, there are 5 mouths to feed; I count the dog and the rescued egg-laying Nandee Conure & a chickadee, as one.
The hot water heater is turned off. We turn it on once a week, then crawl under the stairs and mop up the leak.(we have stairs) I never go into how it is that I do so swell living in one of the wealthy zip codes as I do. . . .
I had left a poor me rant,
I deleted it.
The Wife made me,
& there is that I have that
not a small thing to have
& have it to do too!
I look at my blessings
celebrate that the glass is glass!
No longer a waxed paper cup
from the shelter or worse.
I have what I have
make do the best that I can
I do pretty good really
All things considered
I'm white in a house on a street
Had been somethin'else, middle of a dead orchard
there is beauty in my neighbor's yards
as well as chocking smoke
it is what it is
It is all good
I add this for now to be sure to explain WHY I HAVE ADDED THE ART ,
I HAVE A LEAKY ROOF over a leaky slab & An indoor private SHjTTER, NOT SO MUCH FOR THE ARTIST WHO IS TO PROUD & NOT A QUITTER.
The Wise Woman's art, support her, buy her work it's art
Jewelry at http://www.TalismanToo.Etsy.com
Chalkbags at http://www.ClimbAddictDesigns.Etsy.com
She Has Silver - Pay the extra for the Silver!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 21, 2019 - 03:51pm PT
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Haha...I thought he meant a Fluke Multimeter because he thought it was a fluke I'd make a good suggestion.
I don't want to have this thread hijacked to me..... Brandon is seriously not in a good place, no matter if someone thinks its of his own doing. It is! And I'm sure he knows that. But he's still in a bad place and has asked for help
I'm going to look up his email add and PayPal $10. I know its not much but relative to my own situation, it's what I can do without impinging on other obligations and taking care of myself(which must come first, if one is to be available for others). Another spiritual axiom is "In giving, we receive." I've found that very true.
And if one attaches strings and conditions to a gift, that's not really a gift then. Nothing WRONG with having prerequisites on receiving something-that's what commerce is based upon-but the expected return ought to be stated up front and certainly no go unsaid but still expected.
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Don Paul
Social climber
Washington DC
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Feb 21, 2019 - 04:47pm PT
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Brandon if you can raise enough money, go to India on a spiritual journey. You can set off from the Wigwam.
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Feb 21, 2019 - 05:24pm PT
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fear. I have a multi meter and jesus h godblasted christ it has way too many setting and readings and dials and stuff. I do better with a simple test light... about the only thing I ever actually figured out with the multi meter is I can see how many volts my alternator is putting out. On the astro I don't even need that function as the astro actually has a volt meter instead of an idiot light....
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