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McGinnis
climber
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Feb 22, 2019 - 06:17pm PT
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Read Happiegrrrl2’s first post in this thread multiple times a day, every day. Memorize it and apply it to your situation, your life. Her words of wisdom and her practical advice are astoundingly profound.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 22, 2019 - 06:43pm PT
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Goddamnit, Terrie, you’re so right. The reason I declined your offer for assistance is because I felt undeserving of it. Everything you wrire makes so much sense. I have been given assistance for heating oil, my electric bill is being paid, and my car bill is being paid by some super kind benefactors, hopefully. There is a conglomerate of churches that provide assistance. They are trying to get my car out of the shop, $400, and it’s the first time I’ve ever asked for help in this way. I’ve never put myself in this situation before, and it’s super humbling to do so. Life is strange sometimes, the iindness of strangers is both rewarding and humbling. It’s a strange experience.
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Feb 23, 2019 - 04:26am PT
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Words of wisdom are fine and are the most a forum can provide but heed that old axiom...actions speak louder than words.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Feb 23, 2019 - 06:29am PT
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Brandon-I'm not sure what offer you declined. The suggestion to go to social services or the heat assistance? Hardly an offer! I know it sucks and that society has done a swell job at shaming people about it but, but once a person has food in their belly, other things become possible. I know. When you're hungry-really hungry-it makes it hard to do much else but obsess about food. Not good for amy one, and certainly not for a recovering alcoholic.
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tradmanclimbs
Ice climber
Pomfert VT
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Feb 23, 2019 - 07:14am PT
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Every day is a new day. If you really want to get your sh#t together just do it. Construction is so busy right now I find it hard to believe that you can't walk on to a jobsite with your tools and get a job. Ditch the drama and start fresh every day.
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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Feb 23, 2019 - 10:21am PT
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Brandon, I thought you had lots of job offers, including lodging, on another post you put up.
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capseeboy
Social climber
portland, oregon
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Feb 23, 2019 - 10:40am PT
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It’s tough to just hate your life entirely, while stating publicly that you love it. The dichotomy sucks.
1. If it's tough to just hate your life entirely then you still enjoy some aspect of it.
2. Stating publicly that you love life is a euphemism.
3. That we love/hate life is a paradox.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 10:55am PT
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Life is pardoxical sometimes. My soon to be ex wife is coming by with her parents tomorrow morning to clean out her stuff. She already took all my money, she may as well come and clean out her mess. I turned a 500/sf room into her own personal closet, and it’s completely filled with stuff. Add to that her overflow in the dining room, kitchen, extra bedroom, and mud room, and I’ll be super glad to be rid of her stuff. Borderline hoarder, I need a renter and can’t get one in untill her stuff is gone. As much as I love her, it’s kind of good riddance, so to speak.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 23, 2019 - 11:17am PT
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Tell them you're recording and keep your mouth shut. Dude - I wouldn't even be home. One step further, if I felt the need, I'd create a pile in the garage or under a tarp outside the house and change the locks - and then I wouldn't be home. Relying on others to act or finding yourself victim to the actions of others is yet another characteristic of alcoholics.
You're living poor in a town of 3k? No wonder you drink! It's a well documented fact - no social + no economic opportunity = alcoholism. GTFO!
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Norton
climber
The Wastelands
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Feb 23, 2019 - 11:37am PT
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Brandon, I thought you had lots of job offers, including lodging, on another post you put up.
I have been in Brandon's situation multiple times in my life but with the booze problem
My first priority was always to find a job as fast as possible.
What has stopped you from accepting the job offers you have gotten?
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 11:52am PT
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I’m in contact with my mother in law. She just sent me a meme of her hugging me, she’s pretty great. That said, she’s going to give me a heads up as to when they are coming by tomorrow morning. A super long run is in order. I will not be here when they are here. Actually, my ex has a ton of stuff, maybe a long hike is more appropriate.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 11:56am PT
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People keep paypaling me money, but my wife took my bank account, so paypal doesn’t work. The money is there, so I’ll have to figure something out. Otherwise, money order or western union would be easiest. I live in Warner NH. I’d open a new account, but I don’t have any money to do so. Therein lies the dilemna.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 12:16pm PT
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She was given over 1k while I was away and it was money that was due to me. I asked for some of it two days ago and was denied. Honestly, I actually only asked for twenty bucks for groceries, and she still said no. It’s her account, so I’m pretty much SOL. I had my paychecks direct deposited into her account because I trusted her completely. That was a huge mistake. I’m such a fool.
In regards to the job offers, now that I’m single, the home is my responsibility, so I can’t head west where the work was offered. Got to take care of the place. New job on Monday though, so that’s a good thing. Less pay than I’m used to, but it should still pay the bills. Hopefully, at least. Sometimes god tests you by throwing a ton of problems your way. I’m sharing my problems publicly, but doing my best to tend to them personally. Some of you have helped financially, but I haven’t figured out how to recieve the loot. Your kindness hasn’t gone unnoticed, trust me.
Edit; BJ, she’s my mother in law, for crying out loud. We love each other. She’s decidedly not coming on to me.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 12:25pm PT
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You sometimes crack me up, bit you’re a jerk for sure.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 12:31pm PT
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Treezy, tell me more.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 12:46pm PT
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Robert, money order to Brandon Mayo, 1 Melvin Rd, Warner NH 03278. That’s the best I can come up with right now.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Feb 23, 2019 - 01:37pm PT
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In most states that house is marital property even if her name is not on the deed. Consider that in the context of how important that $1k is to you, she obviously thinks otherwise. I'm fairly certain a small town lawyer needing to feed his own family would love to bill some time against the sale of that place at $300 / hr. If it were me in your shoes I'd get divorce papers signed asap - and be willing and ready to move.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Feb 23, 2019 - 02:09pm PT
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I had my paychecks direct deposited into her account because I trusted her completely. That was a huge mistake. I’m such a fool.
No you’re not. That’s how marriage his supposed to work IMO. You should trust each other and share everything.
I can’t speak from direct experience. I’ve been lucky to not be an addict and my marriage has worked but I’ve seen what friends and relatives have gone through.
Your biggest concern should be the alcoholism. It killed my grand father, another relative can’t get free, but at least he’s a functioning alcoholic who waits until after work. But one relative has beat it. They do a lot of running and biking now so I imagine they have replaced one addiction with a much healthier one. I’ve seen how hard it is.
The divorce is just time. As soon as you meet someone new you’ll be over it. Same with finances you’ll come out the other side at some point.
I would take a wild guess and say your ex felt betrayed by your drinking, it broke her heart and she moved on. At that point you weren’t her partner anymore you were just someone to watch out for.
As mentioned most states are community property. The house, the checking account etc. The less argument about things now the more they will be resolved easier in the future. If lawyers get involved they may get more money than either of you. Eg if you ask for money and she says no don’t argue or get upset just explain your situation and why you have a right to it. But again if she says no let it go.
She may not want anything to do with the house. And may be willing to walk away if you don’t press her about money in the accounts in her name. I’d just suggest being fair and compromising it keeping track of everything as best you can so if she decides she does want equity out of the house you can deduct anything you are owed.
If you can’t pay a mortgage: Lenders would almost always prefer to keep you in the house and have you start paying again so it may make sense to tell them your situation, but don’t pay them anything until you have a plan worked out for payment moving forward. If you pay anything now you give up Leverage and they may just use it for penalties. Talk to a lawyer, or look up advice online
I hope things work out. Just like climbing a big wall take it one move at a time just focus on doing the right thing right now.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2019 - 02:54pm PT
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Fet, you’re spot on, painfully.
And BJ, I’m the only one on the mortgage.
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