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Pappy
Trad climber
Atlanta
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Curt, don't you have something better to do, like go climbing?
Come to think of it, don't you all have something better to do?
It's interesting to see Dingus still stooping over a keyboard. I remember him from way back when on that climbing news group. Guess we're all getting old.
pappy, aka jcclimbs.
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maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
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All right, Dirt, since you called me out, I am responding. You probably won't like what you hear.
Background - I have always been very kind and trusting when it came to men who gave me extra attention, even if I didn't like it. This stopped on one particular evening when a person I strongly suspect was my landlord and living below me broke into my house with intent to sexually assault me. Long story. I don't trust like I used to. Turns out my suspect was a registered sex offender, though I saw him more like a lonely old man who appreciated my kindness.
I will illustrate three different scenarios for you and you can, on your own, figure out where you lie within them, if at all:
(1)In college, I had this guy, that would show up at my dorm when we were all doing something inside and just stand in the doorway and watch. For hours. He only did it when I had other guys in the room with me. I saw him watching across the way from his own dorm room, too. He never talked to me, and he was standoffish. I was happy when he finally stopped doing it - though I suspect one of the guys gave him a talking to.
(2) I dislike people who do not know what they want in any given scenario. The hemming, the hawing, what have you. So why is it I always reject the advances of the overtly sexual? I am a woman who likes a little mystery in life - the romancing, the dream of being admired for everything, not just my rack. "I would like to take my tongue and take it places you've never felt" does not turn me on from a stranger or casual acquaintance.
(3) Guy I know invites me on a hike or to lunch. We have a good time but no physical intimacy happens. He invites me on more. He calls me up to complain about his problems. I slowly feel myself beginning to like this guy. He lauds the lack of quality females, tells me that I, however, am one. We stay up all night talking, we go on weekend vacations. He finally admits one night that he can't come out to play because he has to attend to his girlfriend.
Then, of course, there are not the undesirable attentions, of which there are many.
None of these scenarios are the actions of gentleman of the past, which you seem to think are getting the short shrift. I think the types I've described fairly encompass the types of men women see red flags go up over.
You asked me for my opinion . . . I am not so sure you're free of culpability for the reactions from women around you. (At least on the Internet.)
So am I offended by what you wrote? Yes. Because it appears to me to be the ignorant manifestation of bitterness because of lack of self awareness. I have in the past had my troubles with men, but I didn't look around for a cause, I looked in the mirror.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 2, 2006 - 12:10pm PT
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Jimbo,
WEll I TRIED to go climbing, to get one more day in before the surgery, with this other decrepit old fart. He forgot his harness, he tried to climb past gear he had clipped himself to, he couldn't tell if a tri cam was nut placed or cammed, and then the old turkey walks off with one of my ropes! It was like he had not done much climbing. Besides you could hardly call what we did climbing. You shoulda been there LOL.
Oh wait, it was YOU!
ROTFLMAO!
WE need to go again, as soon as I am well enough. I'll keep the spare harness in the van. Just in case your mental condition deteriorates even more.
Special not to stupid tacos viewers: This guy is just about my best pal in climbing and the one I'd rather go with over anyone else. In spite of him tricking me into leading almost all the evil parts, and him dropping my precious gear off whitesides, he's the best for two reasons: He can whine better than anyone else, and he climbs slower than I do.
But, we laugh too much when we climb, which makes my stomach hurt.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 2, 2006 - 12:16pm PT
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Hey mac, how's your reading comprehension? I thought you had an english degree or something.
If you missed the point in school as badly as you did in this thread, you have bigger problems than how to pick a decent guy.
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healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
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"the romancing, the dream of being admired for everything, not just my rack."
Maculated,
Are you like kate and take big falls with your rack?
Small Camalots or TCU's, or both?
Do you far-end haul?
Do you roped solo?
C3 or A1?
iPod or not?
Grigri or ATC?
Do you carry a hammer?
Static or dynamic haul line?
Two or four aiders?
Regular or adjustable daisies?
Are you comfortable on hooks?
Wine or beer?
Do you get high on route?
I'm prepared to admire all of you, but true intimacy would require so many more details...
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 2, 2006 - 12:42pm PT
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Healeyje-- INTERNET STALKER!!!!!
whodathunkit?
Where do you live anyway, healeyj?
I'm thinking of taking a little trip before long, if you are in the path I'll try to run over, I mean into, uh, meet with you, hahaha.
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
St. Louis
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Hey Dirt, how's your reading comprehension? I thought you had a degree or something.
If you missed the place where Healyj lives, which is clearly shown in this thread, you have bigger problems than how to pick a decent climbing partner.
BWAHAHAHAAAAAA!
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healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
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Dirt - anytime you're going to be heading to or through the NW give a shout...
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 2, 2006 - 01:21pm PT
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Ok Healej--
Are you anywhere near Montana? Or is Montana on the way? I was thinking to hit CO around Boulder too. And I need a detour around this place called "St Loserish, or something. There's a big mean girl there who wants to hurt me, LOL.
Oh yeah, Callie, I ordered that book today. Guess I'll have something to read in the horse pistol next week. IF you like such things, I saw a first edition for about 5 bucks, in hardcover.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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This thread has had me up in arms the length of it. Some here know, and others don't, that I "dated" dirtineye for about 6 months in 2005. I have heard the "serial killer tirade" more than a few times in that period. Though I don't wish to engage him directly, I also choose not to stay silent any longer.
I have some questions for those participating in this thread:
 Does a person, man OR woman, have to be "of serial killer capability" in order for their attentions to be labeled unwanted/undesirable?
Do WE not, as men and women, get to CHOOSE when WE wish another to back off or go away?
If it is up to each individual to determine for THEMSELVES their level of comfort, is it not a sign of disrespect, if not something larger, on the part of another to minimize, criticize, ignore or otherwise disregard that person's desire/request?
This thread has been about humiliating, silencing and diminishing, in every instance, the feelings expressed by those who have felt intimidated by another. Not anymore.
***
Some people, here and in other forums, know that I spent a very good part of my early life needing to monitor situations down to knowing who was in the room at any given moment, in order to analyze my safety. Some know that I was thrown out of a barn loft onto a cement floor, at the age of 4, by a person in a fit of rage when I told them to go away.
But it doesn't have to be that bad; it doesn't have to be a Ted Bundy-type person, for the "red flags" to appear. Even if it's as simple as bad breath - a turn-off is a turn-off, isn't it? And while it's not the poor person's fault if they have halitosis, should someone have to stay glued to the spot, waaaay too close for comfort, just to avoid huting their feeling?
I am actually interested in hearing from other people, stories of unwanted attentions from others and how they dealt with it. We've all had it happen, I assume.
I really am interested in hearing stories about the things as mundane as the guy who kept calling, the chick who kept showing up wherever you went, the old boyfriend who "showed up at your mom's house,out ion the country, knocking on the door," the girl who befriended your best buddies and drove you NUTS because they thought she was great and why should it bother you that she's hanging around....
Looking back, many of these stories can be retold as funny incidents, even though they caused quite a bit of angst at the time.
Anyone? It would be helpful, to me, to see this thread lighten up a little. The thing has triggered a lot of memories for me, particularly of being silenced and humiliated. Thanks.
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Pappy
Trad climber
Atlanta
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'He can whine better than anyone else, and he climbs slower than I do.'
"Whatever," said in best Reese Witherspoon voice.
Butthead.
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Pappy
Trad climber
Atlanta
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'and then the old turkey walks off with one of my ropes!'
And your ridiculously huge cam and the pussy sport climbing harness.
I would call that a profitable trip.
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maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
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Dirt, my reading comprehension is just fine.
Check the first post of this thread. You asked us to take a moment and evaluate why we might be offended. You told me my reaction was worth hearing.
Unless, of course, you don't want to hear it.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 2, 2006 - 02:30pm PT
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NO direct engagement?
Yes, somone could lighten up, and it is you.
Huffiegrrrl wrote:
"This thread has been about humiliating, silencing and diminishing, in every instance, the feelings expressed by those who have felt intimidated by another. Not anymore."
NO, you see, and incorrctly I might add, only what your experiences allow you to see.
This thread is about people making mistakes in both directions-- missing the good and going for the bad.
I'll say it again. When you meet the real problem person, you won't know it. You'll do whatever they want. You'll like doing it.
I disagree that everyone has charisma. Some have none, some have too much. Some who have too much use it in awful ways.
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maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
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BTW, healy, you'll be disappointed that my aid experience is pretty skim - I'm proud of it, but nothing to write home about. Haven't found a mentor and don't want to clog up routes with my dead body.
::wink wink::
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healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
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Well, if I manage to rehab everything and make it down there I'm going to do my best at clogging up something - it'll definitely be an incredibly short go or a painfully long one...
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Crimpergirl
Sport climber
St. Louis
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Dirt says "I disagree that everyone has charisma."
I stand corrected. You are the exception.
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Medric Magann
Ice climber
Billings, Montana
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Seems to me that very nearly all women are self destructive and just can't wait to find some a-hole that will slap them around and belittle them and mooch off them. A regular decent guy is scorned for some reason. It's the good girls like bad boys thing I guess. They like the excitement or the perceived machismo or something. There just ain't nothing exciting about a nice guy that works and pays his bills and comes home on time.
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville
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i never realized how hard it was for the guys that have problems starting and maintaining relationships with women.
from this thread, it seems like all they want to do is blame women for thier own inadequacies.
pretty pathetic.
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