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Degaine
climber
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BJ wrote:
That would be real and spectacular
Indeed.
I hear there's also good work in becoming a Jewish dentist.
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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madbolter1:
Try looking up the psychological definition [of narcissism].
madbolter1, are you talking about psychological or psychoanalytical definition of narcissism?
According to Google:
Psychology:
selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
Psychoanalysis:
self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Seems a little overly invested... in something... That’s pretty much all his posts - or at least what I can gather from the one or two sentences I read before skipping on to the next.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Well, I don't know Brandon, but I do actually care that he succeeds. Since I happen to have a relevant professional leasing from my company, I wanted to get a professional opinion.
It seems that I'm the only one here who bothered to do that. Others seem content to just "care" in this distant, codependent way. You might ask yourself if you're actually helping on this thread or actually hurting.
As just one example, the passive-voice crap here is just that. Brandon isn't "going through a hard time." NO! He's experiencing the actual consequences of HIS values, priorities, and choices. He's not just passively "going through" something. He's DONE this to HIMSELF, and how that gets represented has a huge psychological effect on the all-important SELF assessment process he is hopefully engaging in.
It makes a huge difference to say, "He's going through a hard patch," compared to, "He's dug himself a deep hole that we hope he'll get out of, IF he completely reassesses his values, priorities, and choices."
The former is passive and enables an irresponsible "cast" to "the situation." The latter is active and points Brandon right at the actual root of the problems HIS choices have causes for him.
Genuine recovery starts by taking responsibility, and most of the "caring" posts here literally deflect that process.
So, are you helping or hurting, caring or enabling? I actually care, even though I don't know him personally. But genuine caring is NOT the codependent fluff that defines most of this thread.
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, Bozeman, the ocean, or ?
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I wanted to get a professional opinion.
Oh my. You’re much smarter than that!
Getting a meaningful “professional opinion” from reading a ST string????
That your tenants would even offer up a “professional opinion” after reading ST posts gives me the shivers. Please don’t be hoodwinked just because they make enough to pay the rent on time and have a few papers on the wall.
I hope your professional tenants read all the posts of all the threads on the first page of the forum to get the gist that 99% of the ST forum is a delightful train wreck of one sort or another.
Susan
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 7, 2019 - 12:57pm PT
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North Conway is two and a half hours. I’m for sure interested, I’m a good shoveler. Need three hundred bucks to get my car out of the shop, but I might be able to borrow one to go work for a few days. I could send you my email if you have any leads on who to talk to up there about work.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Getting a meaningful “professional opinion” from reading a ST string????
C'mon, Susan, YOU are smarter than that. The opinion is not a diagnosis. It's looking at a PUBLIC thread and an opinion about how "helpful" this train-wreck actually could be in principle.
The "caring" here is minimally, if at all, helpful, and is quite possibly harmful. IF you know Brandon and actually care, then you deal with him personally, NOT on a public thread in pretty obviously codependent fashion.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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^^^^ Hear, Hear!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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"Substance Abuse Professional:" Usually a person who got clean or sober and then realized they were using during the career-development phase of life and now have limited options.
Or do you mean a drug dealer, which could legitimately use the term on their tax return.
Sorry Madbolter, but you're incorrect about recovery. The paramount thing is to not imbibe. Full stop. The rest follows in whatever timeframe it follows. You can be one of those "hardass" soberticians, but most other soberticians(made up word) tend to tell the n00bs to let their railings slide off the back like water on a duck.
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fear
Ice climber
hartford, ct
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Or the CEO of Philip Morris?
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John M
climber
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It seems that I'm the only one here who bothered to do that. Others seem content to just "care" in this distant, codependent way. You might ask yourself if you're actually helping on this thread or actually hurting.
maybe you should ask yourself that. Brandon's situation is more complicated than this thread indicates and goes a lot deeper. Is this thread the best place to air it out? Probably not. But guess what, sometimes we don't always have the "best" solution available to us. Brandon already did 19 days of a 30 day treatment. He left early for personal reasons. He has posted the reeaons on this thread so I don't mind sharing them. He was hallucinating. He realizes now that he made a poor choice to leave. But thats the way these things go. They are often messy. Many of us tried to get him to go back, but by the time we found out he was gone it was too late. Treatment centers often don't let people return. The money was spent. It was gone and raising the funds again likely wasn't going to happen. Many here also supported Brandon in getting treatment, plus we gave him tough love. And now we are just trying to support him where he is.
All the things you complain that we aren't doing some of us here have done. But we don't control Brandon. Nor do we control the internet.
So lets examine what your post did. Brandon is broke. His wife left him. He is trying hard to overcome alcoholism, but it is complicated and messy. He asked for help in a place where he felt like he had friends. Some people chose to attack him for asking for help. Some people gave him the kind of support that enables an alcoholic to keep going as an alcoholic. Some people gave him compassionate but tough love. Some people were just plain mean.
And then you come along and think that you have it all figured out. Brandon should go into professional treatment, and people here should stop posting to him because its just feeding his "narcissism". Narcissism that you believe he has because some "professional" read this thread and told you that was what was going on. Good grief. That is so ridiculous that any professional would diagnose that just by reading this thread and then make recommendations based on that, that its hard to comprehend. My guess is that he or she never thought that you would post something like what you did. But the great understander that you are decided it was true and that you knew just what Brandon needed. So you posted up.
And now what happens? Donini agrees with you and that kicks one of the supports that Brandon has out from under him.
You don't know the entire story. I have talked to him and I don't know the entire story. I would never pull the rug out from under someone who is scrambling to find a way. But that is what you did.
Is this the best place for brandon to get help? problaby not. But sometimes we don't always have access to the "best". So we do the best that we can with what we have. That is often messy because people are messy.
Keep your head up Brandon. You can do it. Keep going to AA.. Keep exercising. ( though moderate it) keep looking for work. Don't drink. If you have had a drink, then stop. Beyond that.. keep going.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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And then you come along and think that you have it all figured out.
Utterly ridiculous.
This thread has become literally absurd. As I say, train-wreck.
And "Brandon left early for personal reasons." Whaaaat? Yeah, okay, apparently you're good with that. Keep giving money; money always helps! Righto!
I've said all I care to say here. I have no need to be here, and I've said my piece. Opinions are like azzholes: Everyone has one, and they are invariably stinky. I've shown mine. Stinky. Sure enough. Many others here are even stinkier.
As I've been saying, no actual good can come of it. So, I'm out.
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John M
climber
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And "Brandon left early for personal reasons." Whaaaat? Yeah, okay, apparently you're good with that. Keep giving money; money always helps! Righto!
nope.. never said that. just realized that these things don't always go straight forward. In fact they almost never do. It likely is never..
Edit: Utterly ridiculous.
yes.. I shouldn't have said "think that you know". I should have said "act as though you know".
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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madbolter1 makes every thread he participates in all about himself. He's captain narc of the narcs - and apparently just smart enough to see he can't stand himself - but no more.
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Tomcat
Trad climber
Chatham N.H.
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Brandon probably the best way to get cash in your hand would be to place an ad in the Conway Daily Sun. There is a lot of shoveling going on, one guy I work with and his clan just did a 196,000 sq ft industrial building last weekend. We have a lot of property management companies too, but that means waiting until next week for a check I would think.
If you are not in a position to transport ladders then a crew would be better.
Dwight & Sons Roofing- Hurd Roofers - Rotten Rock Landscaping - Gordon T. Burke and Sons.
If I get a hard lead I will contact you here or at your e-mail addy up thread.
Good luck!
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Treezypoof
Trad climber
Cyberia
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Jeezuz
It’s interesting that I always sympathized with MB1 during the whole WOS debacle despite the gratuitous WOTs but it seems SS ended up in a better place in the end.
Time does seem to wound some heels while failure and redemption builds character and brings peace.
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, Moab, Bozeman, the ocean, or ?
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The opinion
However, you characterized it initially as a “professional opinion”. That usually suggests some higher level of credibility and insight. Now it’s just garden variety “opinion”?
Yup. Just like an arse hole....everyone got one. Or as I like to say (sometimes). “It’s my opinion and everyone is entitled to it”. ;-)
Susan.
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 7, 2019 - 03:20pm PT
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John M, check your email.
Anita, yeah. Not what I’d planned on. How’s it going?
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