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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 6, 2019 - 10:25am PT
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Heah, maybe I am butthurt. Maybe I’m just a puss and don’t deserve to even shoot the sh#t with you guys. What the f*#k about that? Because that’s how I’m f*#king feeling. It’s the worst feeling ever.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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^^^ Whambulance in order here? Narcissism is the bane of the addictive personality. Get ACTUAL help, not the cheap group-hug of a thread like this. OWN the vast damage you have caused to others, and you won't be seeking public group-hugs like this!
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Brandon-
climber
The Granite State.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 6, 2019 - 10:31am PT
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Don’t need a whaambluance, just figuring out how to navigate a good life.
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capseeboy
Social climber
portland, oregon
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yes this thread is an odd show, yes it is full of oversharing and boundary issues, plenty of questionable advice and odd digital-world diagnoses, but we all gotta find our way somehow.
Amen to that brother. We all have stories of struggle, defeat, tragedy and sorrow to share in a common thread. The taboos and stigmas of posting being defective human beings are falling away.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Madbolter - when a person is newly sober, it's smart to focus on STAYING SOBER first and foremost. In AA, which Brandon is doing, there is a system to deal with *the wreckage of our past,* as they call it.
To see that with any sort of relative clarity takes time. Some things, very little time. But others, much more time.
If I had a person less than a year sober wanting to make an amends with me, I'd tell them "No amends needed at this time. If, after you've got a tear under your belt and you still feel the need, come back and we'll talk about it.
Reason being, a newly sober person often sees damage that didn't really affect the other person.I had a girl trying to reach me while I was traveling several years ago. She didn't say it was an amends call, just trying to touch base. Well, I was like "What a PITA." And keptputting off responding. Finally she emails me with an ammeends for "not respecting my suggestions and sober experience." She said she TRIED to.make direct amends(hence the touching base phone messages) but hadn't been able to and so this was the best she could do.
I felt bad for my procrastination, but danged if I ever noticed her being anything but great.
I look at what I thought was "amends-worthy in way sobriety and I laugh. Plus, some things that WERE legitimate amends, I didn't fully understand the level of my involvement in the situation, and often believed it was all *my fault* when that was hardly the case. Or, I played a portion of an amends without understanding a more significant hurt.
And beyond that - amends are actually for our own benefit, which might be difficult for a newly sober, or non-AAer to comprehend.
In early sobriety, IMO, a person short-changes everyone involved in doing amends so quickly.
And in AA, sober means you didn't drink alcohol today. AA doesn't count othersubstances/behaviors. Many people in recovery often face other addictions, but that is a personal choice as to where their sobriety lays with that. AA just is about alcohol. Of course, if one works the Steps, the other issues are likely to present themselves. I for one still haven't taken the first step toward working on my sugar addiction,and may due without ever doing so.
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blahblah
Gym climber
Boulder
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Thanks Jebus and Happie for answering my Q; I've been following this thread and just trying to figure out what some things mean that aren't totally obvious re: sobriety.
By the way, a lot of people posting here (myself included) have had issues with excess drinking and I think we relate to Brandon and want to help because of our own issues, but it's hard for me to see how much beyond recommending getting qualified professional help is really going to do much.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Brandon congratulations on a month of sobriety. If you can do that I’d guess you have a good chance of beating it.
I don’t know you. But I’ve read your posts for 8 years now and appreciate your positivity in your body of posts and consider you an important member of the SuperTopo tribe.
I’d recommend looking at the posters name before reading their comment. Someone who has mostly just put you down multiple times should just be ignored.
It’s no skin off my back, whatever you do or say. If someone has any issues then i don’t understand why they would want to participate in this thread. I only wish you the best and hope you are on an upwards trajectory.
Everyone has made mistakes, just do the right thing now.
You’re a good person.
You can do this.
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John M
climber
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Its nearly impossible on a forum to hold someone accountable. In person, with people who have been down that road and aren't easily fooled is likely the best way to be held accountable. Thats one thing that AA can provide. I say "can provide" and not do provide because as Terri points out, not all meetings are equal or up to the task.
But that isn't the only kind of support people need. Sometimes they just need people to listen. The reason I don't recommend talking on a forum is that some people don't get this.
I will just say this about mads post. He hasn't met Brandon. I have no idea what he bases his "narcissistic" diagnosis on. Does Brandon need attention? sure.. who doesn't after going through something traumatic. That doesn't necessarily mean that they are narcissistic.
I would be more likely to say mad is narcissistic then I would call Brandon that. But thats me. I respect mads ability to aid climb. He has "mad" skills and courage in that department. In other areas of life. well..
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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Yeah, the huge difference in evaluating a person who has lived a demonstrably productive life compared to one who has not is that it's possible for professionals to recognize the narcissism in the latter. In this case, the substance-abuse professional I mentioned who leases from us has read this thread, and he told me flat-out that this is a train wreck, including the obvious narcissism.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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I don't see an issue with this thread nor B's general direction.
I do think it's unproductive and unfortunate to get butt hurt over a few posts, but that kind of over-sensitivity to feedback, good or bad, is also an attribute of an alcoholic...
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Tomcat
Trad climber
Chatham N.H.
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Brandon there is a ton of good paying work right now around North Conway shoveling roofs. Not sure how far that is from Milton Mills.
Many, many tons of good paying work.
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d-know
Trad climber
electric lady land
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AA is, in an abstract way changing one addiction for another.
I attended up to 5 meetings a day for a solid 9 months.
Got burned out on the same old war stories.
Got involved in Refuge Recovery which is a Buddhist based
form of recovery and I highly recommend it.
Alas I thought I'd kicked my addictions
and I did for a good spell but the booze
caught me in its web again.
Gave up all other substances, and I've tried them all.
Brandon is a good guy struggling through a rough time
and he cared enough to reach out to me.
That I appreciate so very much.
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perswig
climber
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(Holy hell, Tomcat.
Nice to see you; hope you're well!
Dale)
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Tomcat
Trad climber
Chatham N.H.
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I'm well Dale, thanks, hope you are too. Well except my younger son came home last weekend and left Monday with my leashless Cobras, Lynx and half of my screws!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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BJ-you should watch the Seinfeld episode where a friend of the group gets sober and makes their amends, a George Costanza gets in a tiff because he doesn't receive one.
BJ=George
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anita514
Gym climber
Great White North
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Brandon there is a ton of good paying work right now around North Conway shoveling roofs. Not sure how far that is from Milton Mills.
Many, many tons of good paying work.
I wonder if he will get in touch with you re: this work?
If I was dead broke I'd jump at the chance. Better than griping about it online, and asking for $ from strangers.
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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madbolter1:
... the substance-abuse professional I mentioned who leases from us has read this thread, and he told me flat-out that this is a train wreck, including the obvious narcissism. madbolter1, I apologize for my confusion.
Could you please share your definition of narcissism, that is applicable to the context of this discussion.
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madbolter1
Big Wall climber
Denver, CO
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^^^ Try looking up the psychological definition.
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Seems a little overly invested... in something...to show a thread on ST to a person offsite.
Did the person include you as one of the passengers of the train wreck?
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Treezypoof
Trad climber
Cyberia
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I guess if you’re demonstrably productive, you don’t have anything better to do.
Or he’s bullshitting us. Regardless, seems like a nice guy, sure can type.
Brilliant riellyesque sidespray regarding the landlordership, btw. I’m looking up narcissist right now!
Chugga chugga choo choo!
Quote it while you can. Lol.
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