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nutjob
Stoked OW climber
San Jose, CA
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I have been in a relationship where the lady would be pissed and fight with me if I (as the husband) didn't react like I was going to kick the guy's ass. But that wasn't a fun relationship to be in.
Everything is relative to the people involved.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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It all depends on the individuals and their cultural context. It might be different in a church gathering versus burning Man for instance.
We make up the rules and then decide how to enforce them. There's no one right way
Peace
Karl
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Paul Martzen
Trad climber
Fresno
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 6, 2008 - 09:08pm PT
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Interesting comments, and of course a lovely picture! One thing I am finding most interesting is that neither, the writer, the advisor or anyone here yet as explained why the comment is offensive. Though several have implied or assumed that the comment was a sexual proposition, which it may or may not have been.
GDavis, SS, and others reacted that the comment was "Creepy", eeewww, and such. I don't blame you, but can you explain why??
As a guy, I find around 50% of the human population attractive to look at. Some exceptions of course, but as a general rule, I enjoy looking at all women. When I look at a woman, all I can see is her body, at least until I know her, so I must enjoy looking at women's bodies. I have not noticed any big difference in that enjoyment between when I was single to now that I am married. That enjoyment certainly has not decreased since being married. So at the level of simply the meaning of the words, almost any man could make that statement to almost any woman and it would be a statement of fact.
Now I don't go around telling ladies that I like looking at their bodies, even though I do like looking at their bodies, so there must be some reason for that.
I do smile at ladies a lot, and I try to compliment them on their dresses or their hair or anything else I can think of, which seems to equates to a similar sentiment as the original comment. But clearly there are important differences, cause ladies tend to smile back at me and say thank you. Most of the time.
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
Nowhere
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Paul, because in most contexts it is inappropriate and impolite.
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Paul Martzen
Trad climber
Fresno
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 6, 2008 - 09:15pm PT
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Granite: Why?
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andanother
climber
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A comment like that wouldn't even be approprite among audience members at the Jerry Springer Show.
Paul, to call you 'White Trash' would be an insult to all the rednecks out there. While they may not be socially "refined", most of them would know better than to say something like that.
If you've been living under a rock for the last 60 years, how the hell do know how to post on the internet?
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
Nowhere
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Paul, you say you would never say that? Why not? You can answer your own question.
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ontos
Boulder climber
Washington DC
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If I'm with a woman and she doesn't get (at least) the up down when we walk into the bar, it's time to move on. If a friend of mine said plainly that he would like to sleep with my girlfriend, I'd take it as a compliment.
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Jingy
Social climber
Flatland, Ca
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Paul - Asking advice from Supertopians is a shame... You should have pressed the "Back" button on your browser and lived long knowing that there are prudes out there that cannot be reached.
I don't think this comment/compliment should have been taken as a bad thing. This is a clear sign of a prude. "I look good? How dare he tell me that he likes looking at me! I try to look bad all the time!!! I guess I'll have to try scaring my face or amputating my arm and leg!!! EEEEEKKKK!"
I can think of a better compliment, but this one is safe. "Hey you look good!" should not be taken as anything other than what it is.
Like I said, that site you went to for this post is for the seriously sterile folks of the bible belt or something.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Does this mean I can't go into bars any more and say to women "If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" It's never worked before, but that's besides the point.
It sounds like a little local machismo may have rubbed off on Riley.
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crusher
climber
Santa Monica, CA
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This is funny. And it's mostly you guys talking about it, too.
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Matt
Trad climber
primordial soup
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the only correct answer is: it depends
(karl is spot on, as usual)
besides that, a person can deflect another's energy without words, and a woman could say something back to the guy and at the same time, send another signal all together.
it's not as simple as a thread on ST needs it to be...
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Standing Strong
Trad climber
sunlight on the surf
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"You have no idea the evil guys that are out there... "
seriously!!!
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Dick_Lugar
Trad climber
Indiana (the other Mideast)
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re: original question posed. It's called voyerism and is just plain creepy. Perhaps a more subtle approach would be "You are in great shape, what's your secret?". See how that sounds, delivery is everything.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Yeah, VoyeurSorta. Voyeurism with a twist.
Maybe the guy knew it was obnoxious, but he also knew he could get away with it with that particular woman(after all, she did go to an advise column because the situation presented a conundrum for her; most women would know how to deal with it).
So - he says the thing to make the woman uncomfortable, much like - well, okay....a liiiiittle like the guy who exposes himself. he's getting a rise out of her reaction. He gets off on seeing her flustered and uncomfortable. No doubt, if he actually got took up on the suggestion, the creep would flail like an rc.com 5.12b climber on a real-life 5.8.
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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He was just looking for a good schtuping... Cut the guy a break already. :)
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Oy veh! Has the thread gone Yiddish?
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troutboy
Trad climber
Newark, DE
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No, Nefarius is just listening to too much Alexis and Jennifer on Sirius.
TS
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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Interesting... You might want to change that to *perceived* sexual overtones. "I like looking at your body" implies no such thing, by itself... Sounds to me more like you have personal issues that you are dragging into the scenario/discussion that haven't quite been dealt with yet. But, then again, that's the point being made here by a lot of folks - depends on the context/situation and mostly influenced/jaded by someone's own experiences.
trout - I've not heard of them. Perhaps I am missing something? I do have Sirius... What channel? I learned the word from a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago, who is Jewish. It's a fun word to use, so I've used it often since.
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Anastasia
climber
Not there
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It does depend...
First thought was, I the female giving him the comeback; "Well, I DON'T like looking at your body."
--------------
Usually when I find myself being admired in a rude way, I ignore them. I also prefer my dates to ignore them too. At the worst I would like my date to get between the culprit and I while escorting me away.
There is always some insignificant scum around that has a lot of bark with no bite. If you are a slightly attractive and female, those type of guys always seam to hang around us. Why bother with them? They are such whinny needy weaklings that they really are not worth the effort.
It actually turns me off when someone gets overprotective of me with such insignificant scum. I don't need a guy fighting over dumb stuff around me. It causes more harm than good.
Yet if there is a bit of a bite there, if the guy does pose a threat... I will and have called in the troops,( Dad, big brother Ron, etc.) I do have alpha males in my life that can take care of things quietly and effectively.
AF
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