Discussion Topic |
|
This thread has been locked |
tolman_paul
Trad climber
Anchorage, AK
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 01:27pm PT
|
If you're the type of person who puts money and material things above your marriage, then failure is guranteed. Doesn't matter how much money you have going in or gather up during your time together. It's just stuff, it comes and goes.
Either you're on the same team, or your not. That's really all there is to it.
|
|
tolman_paul
Trad climber
Anchorage, AK
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 01:29pm PT
|
Imagine Russia and the United States forming one country....
Dood, Russian chicks are hot
|
|
brotherbbock
Trad climber
Alta Loma, CA
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 01:31pm PT
|
Buy all your climbing, mountaineering, and camping gear now!!!
Best thing I did.
Harder to justify spending thousands now on gear when we got so many "domestic" things to spend money on.
Congrats to you and your soon to be wife.
|
|
johntp
Trad climber
socal
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 01:31pm PT
|
If you're the type of person who puts money and material things above your marriage, then failure is guranteed
Spot on. Well, except the spelling. And the money part; protect your pocket book.
|
|
crusher
climber
Santa Monica, CA
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 01:36pm PT
|
Congratulations!
Hopefully you know by now that you are first and foremost best friends. Respect for one another is paramount. Have fun, share your fears and your triumphs...put each other first. Communicate and if either of you has trouble with that, learn how to do it better, it will be crucial in getting you through whatever life throws at you (and life will throw some sh*t at you).
Re. the wedding, make sure the venue or caterer puts food aside for you two to have later - you will have little time to eat and will wind up starving! Believe me. Take tons of pictures and enlist friends and family to do the same - you can never have too many photos and sometimes the candid ones are the most fun. Enjoy every moment. It's nice to take a few minutes right after the ceremony to yourselves, have a little champagne and be together newly hitched before you join the festivities. Also we took a bunch of photos before the wedding (didn't care that we saw each other beforehand) which allowed us to spend more time at the cocktail hour.
Be honest and open about all financial issues and goals (at least as far as you know what those are right now, at this time). Speaking of which, has it occurred to any of you GUYS that it might be Mrs.-Dapper-to-be who should keep HER checkbook hidden? : )
|
|
dirtbag
climber
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 01:46pm PT
|
Me too, in a couple of months. After f*#king up my first two, I have two pieces of advice:
1. Know yourself. Really, know yourself. You cannot be an intimate, sharing partner until you know what you bring to the table, warts and all.
2. Always make sure her needs are as equally important as yours. Always.
|
|
StahlBro
Trad climber
San Diego, CA
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 02:01pm PT
|
Fake your own death and run like hell....
Just kidding.
Be attentive and learn how to communicate. You need to be able work together on everything, regardless of how difficult the subject might be. Don't bail when to going gets tough. Make time for eachother.
Look forward to growing old together.
Congratulations!
|
|
Gorgeous George
Trad climber
Los Angeles, California
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 02:10pm PT
|
The main problem for young couples is the ego. You will do your best by putting aside your manly need to always be in control. Do spontaneous and unexpected things, such as call her "just because," or make breakfast or dinner when she seems tired or stressed, and don't fall into gender specific roles that will make her feel less of a partner and more of a servant.
Talk with her, not to her, and listen to what she is saying.
I am older than my wife, but have found over time that she is more mature and practical than I am. Somehow, it creates a balance that works. Find yours.
NEVER go to bed mad!
Buena suerte.
jg
|
|
NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 02:11pm PT
|
Looking back, my gauge for being ready to get married are these points:
 do you know how you expect to receive love? what things make you feel loved, and what things- when they are absent- make you feel unloved? Is your significant other aware of these things and willing and able to do them consistently?
do you know what you do when you are trying to convey love, and is that what your significant other wants? Do you feel resentful or unappreciated if you do something to show love and they don't want or appreciate that? if they want something different, are you able to adapt to that?
In the "honeymoon" phase these problems are masked and can seem cute, but they grow more prominent over time and these types of differences make your relationship more fragile when you have other differences to reconcile or there are external challenges (like parents/kids/money/career/dominating hobbies/etc). If one or the other starts to feel unloved, the behaviors that emerge as a consequence of feeling unloved can trigger conflicts that spiral out of control and lead to situations from which it is very hard to rebuild a relationship. This is where self-awareness in both people and the maturity to talk about feelings and needs can help you resolve stuff with your love intact.
"Love is a verb, not just a noun" also fits in here. I've found the things that matter more are what you day after day whether you are in the mood for it at a given moment or not, rather than the one-time grand gestures. Maybe different people feel differently on this, but keeping little routines that symbolize your love for the other person is a good way to keep things going for the long haul. That keeps the emotional bank account high so you can more easily recover from other lapses or problems.
These are the first and most important things that come to mind for me.
Edit: And Congratulations!
|
|
Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 02:15pm PT
|
The most important is to undersdtand that for her you are #1 only until the first baby has arrived.
Then you are #2, #3, #4 etc.
It's a biology ...
For you she is always #1.
Get married if you are ready for this.
|
|
paul roehl
Boulder climber
california
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 02:27pm PT
|
Marriage?! A socialist conspiracy for the redistribution of wealth that may extend back to the Paleolithic period... a Porsche payment mechanism for those with law degrees... a one way sign on the road to rancor, bitterness and pain... though it might very well be ok for you.
|
|
looks easy from here
climber
Ben Lomond, CA
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 02:41pm PT
|
Speaking of which, has it occurred to any of you GUYS that it might be Mrs.-Dapper-to-be who should keep HER checkbook
Heh, Mrs. l.e.f.h. and I are doing our part to upend that assumption-she earns 100% of our household income and I'm Mr. Mom.
|
|
rbord
Boulder climber
atlanta
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 02:42pm PT
|
Hey congratulations and best of luck to you both! Remember that you're a lucky guy :-)
|
|
apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 03:01pm PT
|
"NEVER go to bed mad!"
A fine ideal, but pretty hard to actually achieve.
Shit's gonna happen....deal with it sooner rather than later, and remember you are on the same team.
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 03:16pm PT
|
hey there say, dapper dan...
wow, congratulations to you!!!!
wow, and to her!
say, first off:
now, and after... (more seriously, after, though, as you can be tempted, both of you, to be too busy to do this, later, once the new-ways of life, settle in) DO THIS:
have a one point a day 'meet up and hug and sit-down to talk time'...
it is like: keeping a machine's gears, CHECKED as if anything is not 'working right' or not getting proper attention...
it can be the highpoint of your day, to just sit down, talk about any and all things, and if there is ever something wrong, you can nip it in the bud...
well, THAT (the above) is for the after...
now--for now:
as you marry, marry for the love that you can GIVE and not for 'needing to be loved' ... that (needing) will pull the whole foundation out from under you...
hopefull, too, she is marrying for the same reason:
do you both feel that there is such a love, there... ?
when one is too needy and insecure, things like the practical working of a marriage:
1-- can get in the way, and folks will feel neglected, or, as if a burden, or the other mate will resent the very person that they marry, for the feed-back of all that...
also, if one is too independent and does not feel the need to have someone around to share that love with:
1--the other will feel useless, and unwanted, and wonder why they are in that relationship of marriage... when--a friendship, would have been the best thing to do, and keep, as it was...
marriage is a good sweet special thing about:
US = meaning BOTH:
as to equal gives, and takes, and let's grow together... learn together... and share together... like a gardener does for his choice crop, flowes, etc, 'one' does what is best for the fruit/flower of 'now and the future' and actually ENJOYS doing this... because, well, that one, is:
a gardener... you EACH get to be a gardener, so to speak...
that one, you, IS wanting to be a husband...
and, that one, she, IS wanting to be a wife...
as to many things in life we all need to do and such, this is understood:
not meaning every single minute, of course--but that 'anchor' within you both will be strong and keep you as one, when that REAL love is there...
and when the day is done, you have YOUR time... to:
keep enriching yourselves...
well, these are just little tidbits to think about...
:)
|
|
neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 03:23pm PT
|
hey there say, mossedrool... awwwwwwwww, that is so sweet... :)
|
|
yanqui
climber
Balcarce, Argentina
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 03:48pm PT
|
Serve breakfast in bed every morning and you're pretty much in the catbird seat.
|
|
apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 03:49pm PT
|
Technique matters.
|
|
Mei
Trad climber
Was one
|
|
|
May 12, 2015 - 03:53pm PT
|
Step up your training! Still 36 days left to get on THAT climb!
It's probably the fond memories of climbing the Rostrum (thanks Steven!) on the morning of his own wedding (in Yosemite Chapel) that got Mr. Mud through the dark days in the following 8 years... and counting. :p
|
|
|
SuperTopo on the Web
|
Let us know!