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murf02
climber
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"To your, feet ma'am. They're almost as big as your mouth".
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"The words he is in possession of he cannot be deprived of. Their authority transcends his ignorance of their meaning."
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Bowser
Social climber
Durango CO
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Are you an ass by nature or did you go to school for that?
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ydpl8s
Trad climber
Santa Monica, California
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I didn't agree with the man most of the time, but he did know how to throw around an insult - William F. Buckley Jr.
“I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said.”
And then there is of course the great Winston Churchill
Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”
Nancy Astor: “Sir, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.”
Churchill: “If I were your husband I would take it.”
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"I will not belong to any club that will accept me as a member"
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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One of my favorite has always been:
He's hit rock bottom, and started to dig.
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Since I see have have "you warthog-faced buffoon" from "The Princess Brides," I would add "you vomitous mass."
John
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"Schade nur, ewig schade für die Unze Gehirn, die so schlecht in diesem Schädel wuchert."
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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Not all-purpose, but covering "most men":
"Other men are oblivious of what they do awake, just as they are forgetful of what they do asleep.
Not comprehending, they hear like the deaf. The saying bears witness to them: absent while present.
Although the account (logos) is shared, most men live as though their thinking (phronesis) were a private possession.
Most men do not think (phroneousi) things in the way that they encounter them, nor do they recognize what they experience, but believe their own opinions."
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Marlow
Sport climber
OSLO
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"Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves."
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g-tech
Trad climber
Oakland!
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I'm sorry, have you been talking to me this whole time?
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TwistedCrank
climber
Dingleberry Gulch, Ideeho
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You vulgar little maggot.
You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn't be here if the rubber hadn't tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.
You have all the appeal of a booger. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.
May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won't have sex with you––only trash such as yourself.
You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.
You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.
After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
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Back when I was in high school, I was sitting in the back row of the auditorium, being a jerk and talking during a program with a guest speaker. Sister MarySomethingOrOther came up behind, smacked the back of my head and said:
"You are a bold piece of humanity."
It was the icy tone in her delivery(and the head smack) that gave the insult it's full value. As you can see, I still remember it, decades later.
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HighTraverse
Trad climber
Bay Area
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Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” and you will still be ugly.
So much better when it's complete
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RyanD
climber
Squamish
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Wow twisted crank!
You must feel like a shell of a human after that.
Your mother must be proud. Hehehe
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HighTraverse
Trad climber
Bay Area
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Former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau's response to learning that Richard Nixon called him an a-hole:
"I've been called worse things by better men."
A really good page of ripostes here:
http://mindyourownbusiness.com/retorts.htm
Lord Sandwich: Really, Mr. Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die on the gallows or of the pox.
John Wilkes: That depend, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.
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mooser
Trad climber
seattle
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"Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?"
From a 7 year old
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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"There's a lot I could say in your favor.. but the other is more interesting."
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