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PAUL SOUZA
Trad climber
Central Valley, CA
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I'm glad I bought this up with the TacoStand, you all are the best. Thanks!
The power of vulnerability. ;)
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Trad climber
Will know soon
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Bluey, I am so praying for yo. As for reading material....along with other stuff it wouldn't hurt to BYOB (bring your own bible) Your best friend jesus will talk to you. Quiet yourself and listen.
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H
Mountain climber
there and back again
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Hey Steve, right on for putting it out there; it takes the power away from it. Addiction is insidious. Its a disease that tells us we don't have a disease.
My worse day sober is way better than my best day drunk, Steve. I have been sober for a couple 24 hours now and been through all kinds of dilemmas.
Take it easy and be kind to your self, your worth it. And when you get the urge hang in there, it will pass. Nothing is so bad that drinking will make better.
I applaud your courage Steve. Let me know if you ever want to talk.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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take some video of yourself now so a year later you can look at it and say "wtf, over"
hey you bust a leg you go to the surgeon, your car breaks down you take it to the mechanic, you have the booze thing you go to AA.
no big, you were born that way so blame it on your folks,
i gotta write out my first step for my new sponsor tonight - "my life and alcohol" ought to be a hoot, did i tell you about the time i took a crap in the bird bath at the senior's center cuz i got caught short?
15 percent of the people who start shaking die, so good thing you made it!
don't think, just go to meetings and chill for a while, you still have coffee and cigs, and ravioli,
as your temporary sponsor i want you to read the following:
We doctors have realized for a long time that some form of moral psychology was of urgent importance to alcoholics, but its application presented difficulties beyond our conception. What with our ultra-modern standards, our scientific approach to everything, we are perhaps not well equipped to apply the powers of good that lie outside our synthetic knowledge.
Many years ago one of the leading contributors to this book came under our care in this hospital and while here he acquired some ideas which he put into practical application at once.
Later, he requested the privilege of being allowed to tell his story to other patients here and with some misgiving, we consented. The cases we have followed through have been most interesting; in fact, many of them are amazing. The unselfishness of these men as we have come to know them, the entire absence of profit motive, and their community spirit, is indeed inspiring to one who has labored long and wearily in this alcoholic field. They believe in themselves, and still more in the Power which pulls chronic alcoholics back from the gates of death.
Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor, and this often requires a definite hospital procedure, before psychological measures can be of maximum benefit.
We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.
Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices. The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves, if they are to re-create their lives.
If any feel that as psychiatrists directing a hospital for alcoholics we appear somewhat sentimental, let them stand with us a while on the firing line, see the tragedies, the despairing wives, the little children; let the solving of these problems become a part of their daily work, and even of their sleeping moments, and the most cynical will not wonder that we have accepted and encouraged this movement. We feel, after many years of experience, that we have found nothing which has contributed more to the rehabilitation of these men than the altruistic movement now growing up among them.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the affect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many people do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.
On the other hand- and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules.
Men have cried out to me in sincere and despairing appeal: "Doctor, I cannot go on like this! I have eveything to live for! I must stop, but I cannot! You must help me!"
Faced with this problem, if a doctor is honest with himself, he must sometimes feel his own inadequacy. Although he gives all that is in him, it often is not enough. One feels that something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change. Though the aggregate of recoveries resulting from psychiatric effort is considerable, we physicians must admit we have made little impression upon the problem as a whole. Many types do not respond to the ordinary psychological approach.
I do not hold with those who believe that alcoholism is entirely a problem of mental control. I have had many men who had, for example, worked a period of months on some problem or business deal which was to be settled on a certain date, favorably to them. They took a drink a day or so prior to the date, and then the phenomenon of craving at once became paramount to all other interests so that the important appointment was not met. These men were not drinking to escape; they were drinking to overcome a craving beyond their mental control.
There are many situations which arise out of the phenomenon of craving which cause men to make the supreme sacrifice rather than continue to fight.
The classification of alcoholics seems most difficult, and in much detail is outside the scope of this book. There are, of course, the psychopaths who are emotionally unstable. We are familiar with this type. They are always "going on the wagon for keeps."
They are over-remorseful and make many resolutions, but never a decision.
There is the type of man who is unwilling to admit that he cannot take a drink. He plans various ways of drinking. He changes his brand or his environment. There is the type who always believes that after being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time he can take a drink without danger. There is the manic-depressive type, who is, perhaps the least understood by his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.
Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect alcohol has upon them. They are often able, intelligent, friendly people.
All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.
This immediately precipitates us into a seething caldron of debate. Much has been written pro and con, but among physicians, the general opinion seems to be that most chronic alcoholics are doomed.
What is the solution? Perhaps I can best answer this by relating experiences.
About one year prior to this experience a man was brought in to be treated for chronic alcoholism. He had but partially recovered from a gastric hemorrhage and seemed to be a case of pathological mental deterioration. He had lost everything worthwhile in life and was only living, one might say, to drink. He frankly admitted and believed that for him there was no hope. Following the elimination of alcohol, there was found to be no permanent brain injury. He accepted the plan outlined in this book. One year later he called to see me, and I experienced a very strange sensation. I knew the man by name, and partly recognized his features, but there all resemblance ended. From a trembling, despairing, nervous wreck, had emerged a man brimming over with self-reliance and contentment. i talked with him for some time, but was not able to bring myself to feel that I had known him before. To me he was a stranger, and so he left me. A long time has passed with no return to alcohol.
When I need a mental uplift, I often think of another case brought in by a physician prominent in New York. The patient had made his own diagnosis, and deciding his situation hopeless, had hidden in a deserted barn determined to die. He was rescued by a searching party, and, in desperate condition, brought to me. Following his physical rehabilitation, he had a talk with me in which he frankly stated he thought the treatment a waste of effort, unless I could assure him, which no one ever had, that in the future he would have the "will power" to resist the impulse to drink.
His alcoholic problem was so complex, and his depression so great, that we felt his only hope would be through what we then called "moral psychology," and we doubted if even that would have any effect.
However, he did become "sold" on the ideas contained in this book. He has not had a drink for a great many years. I see him now and then and he is as fine a specimen of manhood as one could wish to meet.
I earnestly advise every alcoholic to read this book through, and though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray."
peace out- and enjoy the journey as it is one hell of a ride,
Doctor Sprock Silkworth MD
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Chris Cunningham
Trad climber
San Francisco
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"Work Event"?? Where do I get a job like that?
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JOEY.F
Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
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Bluey
it took a lot of courage to post up, You've got this!
All the best to you.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Dec 10, 2015 - 02:30am PT
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Best wishes Bluey/Steve.
EDIT
Alcohol is the worst drug.
My best friend, the love of my life, Jennie, is in a nursing home for the foreseeable future due to her alcoholism which led to her Korsakoff's Syndrome (Vitamin B1/Thiamine deficiency, common in alcoholics). Dementia sucks.
Alcohol is a neurotoxin and a depressant. In moderation it is okay, but like one of Jen's GPs (Anita) told me several years ago, "Patrick, alcohol is sneaky, it creeps on you and grabs you."
Almost happened to me Steve. A week after Jennie went into the nursing home (November 5 2014), that Wednesday (November 12) I looked in the recycling bin and saw four empty wine bottles and a vodka bottle, all in the week after she left. Whoa, I told myself, no more.
Good luck on your journey, Bluey. You are saving your liver, heart, brain and wallet.
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doughnutnational
Gym climber
its nice here in the spring
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Dec 10, 2015 - 05:18am PT
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Good luck Steve. My advice is to not fall for the AA belief that nicotine is ok. Your in a fight for your life so defeat all the enemies at once.
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Flip Flop
climber
Earth Planet, Universe
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Dec 10, 2015 - 05:24am PT
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I'm going to wait until you're really suffering to remind you of all the shitty, hate-filled stuff that you've been spewing. I hope you succeed but I hope it hurts.
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Rankin
Social climber
Greensboro, North Carolina
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Dec 10, 2015 - 07:45am PT
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Hey bluey. Wishing you all the best buddy. Some of my best friends, lovers, and family members have made the same decision. Find a good sponsor and listen, learn, and grow. Turn your tenacity towards kicking that disease's ass!
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Dec 10, 2015 - 07:45am PT
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"To thine own self, be true" - Another Bill, who wrote some stuff
In about another 24 hours, you'll be at the center getting started on the detox. Probably going to be a hell of a long 24 hours. Just think - you may very well be having your first sober Christmas is a number of years. Pretty spectacular.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 07:46am PT
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Thanks, Dr Sprock. That's a helpful read. We need to get back on the boulders sometime.
Flip Flop, I don't really intend to offend people. Sorry if I offended you. It'll be interesting to see how no alcohol affects my persona, and politics.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 08:52am PT
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TheMaster, sorry about your friend. I was that way for a long time, denial.
You can't fix a problem until you identify/recognize it. Alcohol has negatively pervaded many aspects of my life. I'm the kind of person that just cannot do alcohol in moderation. The older I get, it seems, the more I drink everyday.
It's not getting better for me, and attempts to 'regulate' my drinking only prove that there's a problem. A problem that has given me a couple of scares in the past year. The latest event was pretty terrifying, especially after talking to my good work-friend. He knows I drink a lot, but I usually appear to have it under control.
He said,"Dude, this time was bad, you were flopping around on the floor with blood coming from your head, we had to hold you down until the EMT's got there".
The look in his eyes said everything, he was very concerned and troubled by what he saw.
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apogee
climber
Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy
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Dec 10, 2015 - 09:01am PT
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Crap, blue...that sounds incredibly frightening. How much drinking has been happening in recent years?
I just want to reiterate how impressive it is that you are stepping forward like this- both for yourself, and here in this community. As much as a lightning rod as you have been here at ST, it really magnifies how courageous and openly honest you are being about yourself. My sincerest best wishes to you in this.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 09:23am PT
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Apogee, the past 3 years have gotten bad, especially the last 2. I was averaging 8-12 drinks/day that also included at least 2 8% malted drinks during the work-day. Usually 3.
I constantly had alcohol coarsing through my veins. This will make quitting pretty challenging to my head and my physiology.
Prior to that though, I was a daily drinker of at least 6 drinks/day. That was the prior 15 years.
Enough.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Dec 10, 2015 - 09:56am PT
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Forget the negativity that some have posted.
If AA doesn't suit you, there are other avenues. AA is not for everyone, in my opinion. I went to some "open" sessions with Jennie. I wasn't impressed, but it matters what group and people you rub elbows with.
Good luck dude, I mean that sincerely, if you are determined you'll find a way.
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dirtbag
climber
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Dec 10, 2015 - 10:47am PT
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You definitely have the strength to do this.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 10, 2015 - 11:34am PT
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Paddy and Dirt, thanks guys. I will try my best, I promise.
I'm getting nervous as D-day approaches, but a successful outcome will be priceless I think.
EDIT: Oh yeah, and no smoking in there either. They recommended wearing patches, which I'll do. I've been smoking since I was 12!!! Longer than drinking.
One thing at a time though, one addiction at a time....
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Dec 10, 2015 - 12:55pm PT
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Hang tough Steve. We are with you.
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