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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Original Post - Apr 24, 2007 - 02:16pm PT
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As requested, I'll post the text as I get permission from each person. So far, Nature, Mother Nature and I have given permission - so here it goes:
NATURE:
Douglas William La Farge aka Nature aka Duggie McWuggie, formerly of Tacoma Washington has spent the last eight years residing in a small community south of Flagstaff AZ called Kachina Village. He loves the Flagstaff area since there is a ton of climbing in and around the area. This is clearly demonstrated in the local overview guidebook called "A Cheap Way to Fly" being co-rewritten with David Bloom. Doug is mostly a sport-o, but does enjoy the occasional bigwall, long moderate, or crack climb. Among his favorite places to climb are Joshua Tree, Yosemite Valley, and just about any place along the East Side of the Sierras, Indian Creek, etc. Though it hardly seems possible given his boyish good looks, Nature has been climbing for twenty years or so. His first real climbing experience was attempting Mt. Rainier. He finally succeeded with this summit bid in 1991. He’s super stoked that he went to Northwest Territories and spent a month climbing in the Vampire Spires region - establishing Nosfuratu (V C2 5.9+). It is his hope that he’ll climb in the 5.13 range eventually.
Nature is a Sushi Chef who does some computer programming and construction stuff on the side. He’s a healthy fellow who has eaten organic foods for almost 20 years and is certain it's made him healthier and younger. He is single (haughties apply at the address above), a cancer, and damn close to being a triple cancer. He dodged that bullet because *everyone* knows a triple Cancer is once fecked up person!
He was born in the year of the Horse and hopes to find a cool life partner who wants to climb with him until he croaks. Partner or not, Nature is thrilled to share his life with his dog Summit. She has been with him for nine years, given by a girlfriend because she thought he “needed more responsibility in his life".
Nature is coming to SushiFest because, well, mostly because it was his idea and now he HAS to go and feed everyone. This event will help to further perfect his sushi skills for the upcoming summer events which include parties, vending at the Pine Mountain Amphitheater, and some vending at the Farmer’s Market. He’s honored to be able to do this for everyone. And by God, we are happy to eat all his sushi.
Nature will take names and kick some a$$. While in the third grade all the girls had a crush on him and the boys didn't like that. School bully David Laudermelch was waiting for Nature one day to “take care of him”. After getting off the bus, Nature walked down the block and as he approached David, he took his Speed Racer lunch pail and plastered David in the kisser breaking out a front tooth. Let that be a lesson – don’t mess with Nature.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 24, 2007 - 02:17pm PT
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MOTHER NATURE:
Susan (Sue) La Farge aka Mother Nature is a rad climber who can be found climbing the stairs to and from the back deck to the backyard; climbing up to the 3rd rung of a ladder; climbing in and out if bed. When not found seeking out other FA opportunities around the house, Mother Nature is looking to have some fun. She recently went into semi-retirement and wants to get some kind of life back aside from working, Time to have fun!
Mother Nature has three wonderful children who are very important to her. She is psyched that they has been able to spend lots of time with them even though they are scattered throughout the country. She’s been in the residential mortgage business for 30 and spent the last 15 years working at a job she really enjoyed. On the bummer side, she is in the process of divorcing a husband – not Nature’s dad. Hmmm, actually this is positive, no?
Susan is a Gemini. A consultation of her chart suggests that she should use her wit and knowledge to get her way. From life she hopes to get a long one in the company of family and friends. SushiFest offers several opportunities to Mother Nature. She will get to spend some time doing things she hasn’t been able to lately, she’ll get to find some quiet time (Uh oh, what did you tell her Nature??) to read a few books, watch a few movies on my dvd player, and listen to music. Finally, SushiFest offers the chance to spend some 'not so' quiet time to meet new people, enjoy the beautiful 'West', go for a hike, and take her Grand-dog Summit for a walk. She insists that there will be no rock climbing for here – she claims she’ll get dizzy after reaching the 3rd rung of a ladder. I smell a challenge!
Mother Nature is a superb cook (clearly that is where Nature got his talent). In her domestic years she was good at sewing and upholstering furniture. She loves decorating and being creative. Don’t let this Martha Stewart façade fool you. Mother Nature got her first tattoo two years ago. She promises to show it after a couple of drinks!
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 24, 2007 - 02:17pm PT
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CRIMPIE:
Callie Marie Rennison aka Crimpergirl aka Crimpie is currently exiled to hell-on-earth in St. Louis Missouri where she spends her time wondering what horrible deed she did in an earlier life to land her there. Though Missouri sucks, it is relatively close to some fantastic climbing including the Red River Gorge in Kentucky, Foster Falls, King’s Bluff and T-wall in Tennessee, Jackson Falls and assorted crags in Southern Illinois, and Horseshoe Canyon in Arkansas. Most recently, she finds herself spending most climbing time in Tennessee.
Crimpergirl considers Houston TX her home town, yet she strongly hates George “Satan” Bush. She is single, has no children but is happily controlled by six Lilac Crowned Amazon Parrots. In real life, she is a professor in the Criminology and Criminal Justice Department at the University of Missouri-St. Louis where she does research on violent victimization. Before that, she was a fed in D.C. doing national crime statistics and reports.
Something about her that may surprise and horrify you is that somehow she came to own over two hundred beanie babies. She claims they were all gifts. Riiiiiiggghttt. Something else about Crimpie that may surprise you is that she is quite the introvert and is usually the wallflower at any party. Well unless she’s drunk and which time she promptly gets naked. One final surprise – she hated school. In fact, on graduation day from high school, her principal sought Crimpie out and bleated “You’ll never amount to anything!” Bitch. If she saw the beanie collection today, she’d rethink those words.
Crimpergirl wanted to attend SushiFest to meet folks she’s followed for years via lurking (rec.climbing days), come to know online only and to reconnect with those she’s met before. She is looking forward to climbing until exhaustion, hanging out around the campfire with interesting folks, and eating a pound of wasabi. She is most afraid of the “shooting and blowing up shit” part of the SushiFest weekend because she’s certain someone will lose an eye.
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L
climber
NoName City and It Don't Look Pretty
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Apr 24, 2007 - 02:34pm PT
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OMG--I am laughing so hard! This is such good fodder for the ST bean field...I hope everyone gives their permission to post.
Crimpie...I have a couple a beanie babies for ya--I got 'em as a gift too and don't know what to do with the little suckers...rear windows are not an option. :-)
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 24, 2007 - 02:52pm PT
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Thanks. I do not accept post-Millenium Beanies however. *looks left* *looks right* Um, what do you have? :)
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Apr 24, 2007 - 06:37pm PT
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Great stuff, what's a triple cancer?
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nature
climber
Flagstaff, AZ
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Apr 24, 2007 - 06:39pm PT
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moon in cancer, rising sign cancer
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Russ Walling
Social climber
Out on the sand.... man.....
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Apr 24, 2007 - 06:48pm PT
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ghey..... simmer down astro-pup
post mine! post mine! Sooze too since I wrote it!
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 24, 2007 - 06:52pm PT
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As requested... RUSS WALLING:
Russ Walling aka Russ Walling aka Mussy aka The Fish is, well, he’s a seamstress. You gotta problem with that? When he is not busy behind the needle, he is commuting up to ten hours round trip from wherever he has lived to play softball once a week. He’s never really liked climbing, but he’s forced to go all the damn time.
Why is Mussy going to SushiFest? He’s going because Sooze is making him go. Duh. Besides, Susan say's he "can't just sit around drinkin' beer all day" Several things about Mussy may surprise you. First, his claim that “I’m as good as you’ll ever see without paying” refers to his mad baseball skillz. Another shocking fact is that he’s made over $600 in one night in tips - without the use of a pole. Beat That! And last, but not least, Russ has ambiguous genitalia.
Russ is looking for more than just a mundane life. He figures that he has one practice wife but Hell, since he’ll be in Utah he may be looking for another 2 or 3. What's your 401K balance? Gluttony is the last of my seven deadly sins and he’s on a timeline.
To contact him, or make an offer to see how much better he can get with $$$, email Russ at RUSS@FISHPRODUCTS.COM
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 24, 2007 - 06:56pm PT
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And the Beeeeutiful Sooze:
Susan Peplow aka Susanpeplow aka Medium Sooze can generally be found sport and trad climbing, hanging out on a fake wall here and there, and doing some light gardening to maintain her svelte-like self. But beware, while ogling her pulling on the weeds, she will no doubt turn and tell you “NOTHING TO SEE HERE... KEEP MOVING ALONG PEOPLE.....” Um, you best move on.
What Sooze *really* is looking for in life is to be the fake wife of the man with the animal nickname. You’d think with this, she wouldn’t need to go to SushiFest, but still she does. When asked why she’s going, she responded “A Zion wall is the real reason. Well, that and wondering how Nature is gonna pull this stunt off. What sort of fool would go out into the desert to eat raw fish?”
No doubt Sooze has a lot to be proud of. However, most would agree that nothing comes close to her having tamed the wild beast known as Russ Walling. She’s been told that he’s as good as she’ll get without paying. If that isn’t enough, you should know that Sooze was a golf pro and a chess club president. Wait – there’s more. Susan has held down the same part-time job for 17 years and she sews sex restraints as a sideline. Plus, she has an 18 year-old daughter named Amber.
If you dare, you can send an email to:
INMATE3435666@ATASCADEROMENTALHOSPITAL.GOV
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WBraun
climber
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Apr 24, 2007 - 10:16pm PT
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"He’s never really liked climbing, but he’s forced to go all the damn time."
LOL Hahahaha too funny, all of ya also, too funny!
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MisterE
Social climber
RimDweller, AZ
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Apr 24, 2007 - 10:23pm PT
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Radical said:
post up mine crimpy.....no problem
Same goes for me.
I would also just like to give a HUGE shout out to Crimpergirl for an amazing job on the Yearbook!
Thanks, Callie. You rock!
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2007 - 07:21am PT
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I'm happy everyone enjoyed it! I can email copies - though it takes a while...
As requested, here is the RADICAL Unit:
The Radicals: Riley Wyna, known on ST.com as Radical and Jackie Wyna aka Mrs. Radical
Radical loves to climbs and excitedly describes his favorite type of climbing as “Whatever.” That shouldn’t be surprising given the poor man lives in McAllen TX. Though he has a lot of “whatever climbing” under his belt, he is currently into trad climbing though he increasingly finds himself turning his interest toward Big Walls. At the time of publication, Riley has climbed on three continents and wants to make it seven continents soon. Though he has a great time climbing, he notes that he doesn’t climb very hard at all because he is “too fat”.
Clearly this marriage is a match made in heaven as Jackie also describes her favorite type of climbing as “whatever.” Most of her climbing has been done with Radical. For instance, recently Radical took her to Wixwaxy in Canada where they were able to enjoy a real bonding experience – an epic. Given the stories we’ve heard, Jackie thinks all climbing involves epics!
Riley self describes himself as one who definitely likes to laugh and have fun. He works as an ER and flight Nurse, is married and loves to spend time hiking, climbing and doing anything with his family. Riley lives by the philosophy of “stay curious”. In fact, it is this curiosity that is driving him from the great state of Texas to attend SushiFest. He is looking forward to eating sushi, climbing and meeting some of the people he has been talking to on the internet for 5 years. Though his wife feels he spends too much time on Supertopo, he knows SushiFest will demonstrate to her that all that time she spend alone while he was tapping away on the keyboard wasn’t in vain. Haha.
Jackie has been fortunate enough to travel and climb with her husband and children in Mexico, Canada and Texas. She is currently a nursing student and is attending SushiFest to hang with Radical. She is not a sushi fan, but he’s assured her that all those attending are such spectacular people that she HAS to come. Something tells me she won’t be disappointed.
When asked what he could tell us about himself that would surprise us, Riley notes that his “big mouth has spilled the beans on just about everything” in his life. Perhaps it would surprise us that he was a shy kid and that he can still be that way. Shy or not, one thing that doesn’t surprise anyone is that Riley is a master at taking care of people. He feels very fortunate that he is able to help those in need of help. He is doing that he is doing what he was born to do.
One thing that Radical has not spilled the beans about is that Jackie is an awesome artist. Perhaps she’ll post up some of her work online. We already knew, but it bears repeating that Jackie is a great mother, a smart nursing student, and a woman who loves her family.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2007 - 07:24am PT
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Sorry I did not get these requests until this morning. It'll shock everyone to know that I was asleep when these came in. :)
MISTER E:
Erik Wolfe aka MisterE fancies himself a Climber, Carpenter, Taoist and Simplist. He is a lover of nature, (Hey hey hey! That is nature, not Nature!), taking special care to be friendly to herbs. Friends describe him as a kind, single, 45 year old Capricorn whose motto is "Live simple, play, be happy, and be kind." When asked why in the friggin’ world he’s coming to the desert to eat dead fish, MisterE stated that “Doug's my Bro, I couldn't miss it.” Oh, so he *does* love nature. How sweet.
A cool fact about our friend MisterE is that he was published in Alpinist 15 for a FA in the North Cascades, "The Devil's Club" 5.11-X, Grade V+, 24 pitches. Is that not super cool? He and his party did another 20-pitch 5.10c, Grade IV FA last year in the pickets as well. It is clear that after 18 years of climbing, he still loves all types of technical rock-climbing. MisterE won’t tell us any surprising things about himself now, however he promises to reveal his dirty little secrets after a few drinks.
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Blowboarder
Boulder climber
Back in the mix
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Apr 25, 2007 - 09:52am PT
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Haha, these are awesome. Love bio's. Had I been able to swing the trip south, I would have used this bio off of my t-shirt site (ok, it's really more of a wasting web space site right now...)
Born into an ungodly union of wildebeasts and jackelopes, I was quickly abandoned and left to fend for myself in the wild. Thankfully, a pack of retarded midgets found me eating refuse from a McDonalds dumpster and taught me the fine art of breaking and entering, which quickly led to my first trip to the Big House. And incarceration soon led to many hours in the fetal position and intravenous fluids. Somewhere in the midst of this violent haze, I was exposed to my first Hustler magazine and the infamous Texas Tunnel. Scarring my unstable young mind into the misanthropic mess that it remains this day, I began the coping process by making my first custom T-Shirt, printing on the prison blues with fresh blood from my jugular, "I SURVIVED THE TEXAS TUNNEL".
Eventually, I turned 18 and was thrust back into a society that just didn't want me around. Dumpster diving behind MickeyD's just didn't keep a young psycopath in heroin, and I soon reverted to my criminal past. Numerous close calls with Johnny Law finally made me realize that if I didn't channel my passive-agressive-obsessive-compulsive-bipolar-sociopathic tendencies into something constructive, I would spend the rest of my breathing moments being Jamal's bitch.
And so RaunchShirts.Com was born. So please, please, buy some shirts so I don't have to steal your grandmothers purse again. I'm really, really, really trying to turn over a new leaf (ok, maybe it's a whole orchard at this point) so please, please buy some shirts and keep me out of prison.
For those of you who don't readily recognize satire and sarcasm, and thought this diatribe was true, you will most likely be offended by our website and are better off surfing google with the parental controls turned on. For the rest of you, just go check out our site and be amused. Seriously. Or I'll have to eat your liver with a spork.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2007 - 11:50am PT
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MALCOLM DALY:
Malcolm Daly aka Maldaly started climbing in 1968 and continues to climb everything except mountains. That he’s not much of a big wall guy is due to omission rather than commission. His favorite climbing is alpine rock though he doesn’t get to do it much anymore. If given the opportunity, you can find him at his favorite climbing area – Eldorado Canyon – a grueling 10 minute drive (in bad traffic) from his house. Oh the humanity.
Malcolm is a self described “fat, middle-aged, out-of-shape, post-cardiac, multiple-amputee” who always has a smile on his face. What’s not to love about that? He loves hanging with people who can stimulate him emotionally and intellectually. He’s been married for 23 years (in a row, to the same woman) and has 2 sons and a dog “Zacho”. He’s been in the climbing business since 1975 and started Trango in 1991. The company, now called Great Trango Holdings, owns Trango, eGrips and Stonewear Designs.
Maldaly loves to cook for friends –people he likes to hang with who are emotionally and intellectually stimulating. If someone doesn’t have a sense of humor about themselves, they get dumped, quickly. If it’s stimulation he’s looking for, he’s headed to the right location – SushiFest. He feels it’ll be a crackup to meet all the Topoians.
Though Malcolm has a lot to be proud of in his life, he is most proud of getting two sons through high-school without either of them going to jail. Yet. Additional pride stems from being kicked out of Catholic School as a youngin’. And further, he is proud that he was NOT asked to return to a second year of Up With People (see below). Malcolm is really proud of having started a business doing something that he loves, something that pays a living wage, and something that benefits a bunch of people.
You might be astonished to learn is that Malcolm was in Up With People. What is Up With People you ask? Well, it is a group of cherubic young idealistic world youth, singing about how the world could be a better place. …The lights fade, the music plays and it starts…
Up, up with people,
You meet 'em wherever you go.
Up, up with people,
They're the best kind of folks we know.
If more people were for people, all people everywhere,
There'd be a lot less people to worry about, and a lot more people who care…
Kind of sticks in your head like an ear worm, eh? Please note that as a member of Up With People, Malcolm played the Electric Bass and made the girls scream. He is no doubt a bad-ass.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2007 - 11:59am PT
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And the man with the amazing bone structure - Tarbuster:
Roy Charles McClenahan widely know to climbers and law enforcement types as Tarbuster can generally be found rock scaling some where out west. Used to be he’d be hangin in California – specifically Yosemite & Joshua Tree where he was a full time climbing guide in the 1970s and 1980s. Since the 1990s, Colorado is his stomping grounds where he’s tearing things up in Eldorado Canyon, the Flatirons, RMNP and the Rockies.
Tarbuster is happily married to Lisa Tarbuster, a national trail running champ and all-around level headed fun, sweet person. He claims that his occupation is irrelevant though he finds himself currently co-managing a small business jet window repair company. Roy is an itinerant lifer as far as climbing goes. He’s gotta do it, he *must* climb, and he will always climb. He also entertains lots of outdoor aerobic stuff when the tendons are wrecked, which is most of the time, so high peak scrambles, road biking, skiing (x-country, classic, skate, touring, alpine) are also on the menu.
Simply, Tarbuster feels that he must get his biscuits in that gravy while it’s hot and be the strong link in the chain, wherever he am involved in a contributory capacity within a group dynamic. He’s coming to SushiFest because it’s a Supertopo party and he hopes that from it, he will get drunk. Scratch that! He can’t drink right now, so he’ll be feasting on the social banquet and looking to do some moderate trad leads.
Roy has many talents, but he is especially adept at climbing and spending time with interesting people, and tossing up goofy stuff onto the Taco. It is also the case that Roy knows a bit about fine wine and has a great appreciation for it. Not much will surprise us about Tarbuster – seems he’s a transparent open book. We’ll see about that!
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Hell on earth wondering what I did to deserve it
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 25, 2007 - 03:33pm PT
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Though Cracko did not make it to the SushiFest, he has okayed his bio being posted for your pleasure...
CRACKO:
Bob Porter aka Cracko has been climbing for 35 years. He grew up in San Diego and learned to climb at Mission Gorge. From there, he graduated to Tahquitz, Joshua Tree, and made his first pilgrimage to Yosemite in 1976. Cracko enjoys the rock-scaling found in Tuolumne, Joshua Tree and Sierra free routes. While fun, he views this climbing as preparation for yet another El Cap route. His climbing resume extends beyond the great U.S. of A as he spent many summers in Europe during the 80's where he climbed in England. It was here he met his future wall partner. His first wall was the NWFHD (1986), and his first El Cap route was the Zodiac (1999). Currently his climbing goals include doing all of the California 14,000 footers, and doing at least one El Cap route per decade into his 70's.
On a personal note, Cracko is a 54 year old divorced middle school principal with three kids. He’s been edumakatin kidz for 23 years – half that time as a teacher and the other half as a Principal. Obviously he loves to work with kids though he can get frustrated with the politics of education. It is his lifelong passion is to operate an adventure based education center and work with kids. This is not surprising seeing that he’s given most of his adult life to helping kids develop self worth and see life as a grand adventure. His youngest daughter, Cassidy, is mentally retarded and severely developmentally delayed. She absolutely fascinates him and is truly is grandest adventure.
Coming to SushiFest offers another fascinating adventure for Cracko. It is there he wants to meet the “characters” from the ST Forum in person. Aside from offering tasty sushi, SushiFest offers good stock from which he can meet some future climbing partners. One last cool thing you may not have known about Cracko - - He rode a bicycle from Canada to Mexico during a long summer in the 80's. Clearly, he’s a most excellent man.
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piquaclimber
Trad climber
Durango
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Apr 25, 2007 - 05:35pm PT
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What a fun thread Crimpie!
I am so bummed I couldn't make it to the sushi-fest. :( Next year!
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L
climber
NoName City and It Don't Look Pretty
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Apr 25, 2007 - 05:56pm PT
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Great job, Crimpie! These bios are dang funny! This is as good as the Who The Hell thread for getting to know STers.
(Pre-Millenium Beanies...no Linda-Blair-turning-heads on my superfluous stuffed toys!)
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