NASA estimates 1 billion ‘Earths’ in our galaxy alone

Not satisfied with making America a global laughing stock, pacifist-in-chief Barack Crosby Stills & Nash Hussein Obama now seems determined to show the entire universe that we’re a nation of wimps.

What the heck am I talking about? I’ll tell you what I’m talking about. A day has passed since NASA researchers announced the discovery of an Earth-like planet some 1,400 light years away and our president has yet to launch a full-scale invasion.

Obama hasn’t even acknowledged this new foreign menace, which NASA is calling Kepler-452b. I guess he wants to wait around for the Kepler-452bians to show up on our doorstep so he can bow down to them and give them our guns.

If a distant planet orbiting a sun-like star at a distance that may or may not make it amenable to life had been discovered when Ronald Reagan was president, we would’ve already had a fleet of spacecraft on its way to nuke the alien pants off of those 452bian bastards.

Who came up with THAT jem?

But, no, we’re stuck with Mr. Community Organizer, fresh off denying Americans their god-given right to bomb Iran. He’s all, “Let’s use diplomacy. Maybe we shouldn’t just immediately bomb the crap out of places we don’t fully understand. Maybe there are other factors that need to be considered.”

Blah blah blah. He’s probably going to send Secretary of State John Kerry on a 1,400-light-year space-bike ride and ask him to reach some kind of “deal” with the Kepler-452bians. Like that’s gonna work.



This race of people that may or not exist isn’t going to listen to diplomacy. They’ll only understand one thing – force. American force.

Consider Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, commenting recently on the nuclear deal the U.S. and other world powers reached with Iran, one that sharply limits Iran’s ability to build a nuclear weapon in exchange for the easing of harsh economic sanctions. Walker said he would tear up that deal and have his Reagan action figure pretend to pee on it, all while being ready, if necessary, to take military action against Iran on his first day in office.


Now that’s an American solution to a potential threat. You stomp it, then you stomp it again, then you stomp on the thing you used for stomping just for good measure
Now that’s an American solution to a potential threat. You stomp it, then you stomp it again, then you stomp on the thing you used for stomping just for good measure.

That’s the kind of clear, decisive, poorly thought out, stubborn, irrational and reckless behavior that made this country great.

And that’s the kind of response we need to this new extraterrestrial threat.

In a statement from NASA, Jon Jenkins, who led the team that discovered Kepler-452b, said: “We can think of Kepler-452b as an older, bigger cousin to Earth, providing an opportunity to understand and reflect upon Earth’s evolving environment. It’s awe-inspiring to consider that this planet has spent 6 billion years in the habitable zone of its star; longer than Earth. That’s substantial opportunity for life to arise, should all the necessary ingredients and conditions for life exist on this planet.”

Any logical person would read Jenkins’ comments and conclude that America is facing an existential threat from an untrustworthy foreign entity that does not share our values or respect our way of life and must be destroyed at all costs. It’s clear as day.

I’m hopeful the Republican presidential candidates will call out Obama for projecting weakness to distant planets that may or may not contain life forms that could quite possibly but by no means definitely want to enslave and/or kill us.

We need a leader who recognizes there’s no “victory” in “diplomacy,” a leader unafraid to launch an invasion, regardless of facts.

Without one, there’s a good chance that 1,400 light years from now we’ll all be speaking Kepler-452ese.

Bleep blorp.

cComments
Hopefully this planet got rid of all the mental illness called "liberalism". This is a planet where everyone pulls their own weight. Everyone contributes. Slackers and the lazy are made aware of their failings and taught to get in line. Those with legitimate illness are taken care of....
GORDY CLOWNBOTTOM
AT 1:10 PM JULY 24, 2015
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