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skitch
climber
East of Heaven
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Topic Author's Original Post - Aug 12, 2014 - 11:35am PT
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Do you understand why Robin Williams, Earl Wiggins, etc. did what they did?
I have, for many many years, often thought about suicide. Not sure if I'm just too lazy for life, have a f-cked up brain, or just realize that nothing matters. . .
I was in the Peace Corps in Belize for a year, the first month they gave us a writing assignment to compose a letter to our self to be given back when we finished our 2 year assignment: I wrote, "There is no way you'll be here in 2 years". I was right, I bailed right around year 1. That is how I feel about life, the idea that I will make it to die of natural causes seems really unlikely.
The first thing that went through my head when I heard that Robin Williams had killed himself was "wow, he made it to 64?", okay that was the second thing, the first was that sucks I really liked some of that guys movies (Father of the Year was pure genius). Didn't help that yesterday was my 36 birthday, which in itself makes me depressed.
Anyone else feel the same way? OR am I just an attention seeking whore???
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pyro
Big Wall climber
Calabasas
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Aug 12, 2014 - 11:37am PT
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if you wanna go all the way then do it!
just don't take innocent people with you!!
edit: please also try not to leave a mess..
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Aug 12, 2014 - 11:39am PT
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Skitch, you might want to check any of several threads on ST about depression. Very sorry to say, at least one was started by someone who later took his own life.
Suicidal ideations and depression go hand-in-hand. I've described my own battles with depression in some of those threads, and repeat my offer to talk to anyone who is facing that abyss. I've been through the valley of the shadow of death, and lived to tell the tale.
John
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Aug 12, 2014 - 12:07pm PT
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No. Depresion can be so deep someone may not return even if their heart is still beating.
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goatboy smellz
climber
लघिमा
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Aug 12, 2014 - 12:25pm PT
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pyro
Big Wall climber
Calabasas
Aug 12, 2014 - 11:37am PT
if you wanna go all the way then do it!
Go fist yourself.
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Crazy Bat
Sport climber
Birmingham, AL & Seweanee, TN
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Aug 12, 2014 - 01:01pm PT
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If you think suicide is a good idea you are depressed. End of discussion. See a shrink. Meds help a whole lot. BTW I suffer from depression. After many attempts I finally realized that killing myself would be the meanest most hurtful thing I could do to my loved ones. They are lucky enough that they would never understand. Not only that, I'm too chickens*&t to jump off a cliff or into a pit without a rope.
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Roots
Mountain climber
Tustin, CA
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Aug 12, 2014 - 01:01pm PT
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No I don't understand...keep fighting the fight.
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
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Aug 12, 2014 - 01:29pm PT
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Depression has no easy answer. If anyone thinks they have the easy answer, then that's a great opportunity to do the work of 'self', often with the help of an ear of another. What any climbertype does, matters.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Aug 12, 2014 - 01:35pm PT
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I'd guess B. You have a f*#ked up brain (your words, but accurate), which leads to C.
Depression is a treatable illness.
In my very limited experience of talking to people who have depression (awful name for a disorder, it makes it sound like people are just depressed and they can just cheer up, it should be something like "neural chemical imbalance") you can't just reason or think your way out of it. You need to treat it, either with therapy, medicine, or natural methods. Everyone deserves to be happy and anyway you can get there is ok. About 1 out of 10 people report depression, so probably like 1 in 5 have it to some degree.
Seek professional help. The worst thing that could happen if you do this is you waste a little time. The worst thing that could happen if you don't do it is you throw it all away and everything is gone, climbing, loved ones, laughter, beauty, music, etc. Start today. Find some help.
And don't do drugs/heavy drinking, mkay? They don't mix well with depression.
Edit to add: one of the tragedies of depression is it seems to make it harder to seek help. Think of it like a big wall, take it one step at a time. e.g. Today I will call an advice nurse. Tomorrow I will setup an appointment to talk to a doctor. Next week I'll go to that appointment. Try not to be overwhelmed, just try to take a little step each day towards learning more and dealing with it.
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Captain...or Skully
climber
in the oil patch...Fricken Bakken, that's where
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Aug 12, 2014 - 01:57pm PT
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I dunno jack about depression, but I DO know that if you off yourself, it seriously f*#ks up those folks that care about you. Don't do that to them.
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pyro
Big Wall climber
Calabasas
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Aug 12, 2014 - 02:01pm PT
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Go fist yourself.
this is not a porno dude!
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Aug 12, 2014 - 02:10pm PT
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khanom, I guess your post is directed at me?
My point in saying "my very limited experience" was a qualifier, that I'm not an expert, and don't know this situation, but I feel an obligation to say what I've seen to work before.
Giving advice is not dictating. You can't dictate someone's life through an Internet forum post. In fact I could be way off in this particular situation, but for someone posting they think about suicide I'm going to try to help based my again "very limited experience" with what I have seen has worked.
IMO it would be immoral to know something that has helped other people and to not mention it to someone else when it may really help them.
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Aug 12, 2014 - 02:10pm PT
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I went straight to discussion of depression because the news reported that Williams had been battling depression, particularly in the recent past, and I have a great deal of experience both living with depression and living with others who've been engaged in the battle. As I stated earlier, suicidal ideation and depression go together.
As Khanom says, we're all individuals, and one person's story does not automatically becomes everyone else's. My personal experience, though, together with reading a great number of ST posts, makes me suspect that despression affects quite a few members of the ST community, giving me another reason to want to keep depression in the discussion.
My physician treated it as a medical emergency,, and I'm very grateful that he did. Depression inhibits good judgment rather like hypothermia -- you just don't care. My depression was totally endogenous, i.e. it had no basis in my circumstances, but focusing merely on the trigger misses the point. Telling someone with a true depression to "man up" and get over it harms, not helps.
I've been through hell and back as a result of depression, so I will do whatever others allow me to help those suffering from it.
John
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goatboy smellz
climber
लघिमा
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Aug 12, 2014 - 02:11pm PT
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Skitch, when I was 15, my best friend blew his brains out with a shotgun in his parents’ bedroom because they wanted him to follow a path he did not want to pursue. He didn’t know how to go on and thought offing himself was the only way.
From that point on and up until about a year ago, I despised people that committed suicide, thinking it was a weak way out and selfish. Just shake it off and snap out of it I thought, with so much to live for why would anyone resort to killing themselves.
Then I had to move to another part of the country and could no longer climb or mountain bike whenever I wanted or ski every day during the winter. I left behind all my goals and dreams in the mountains to help out someone and despite being surrounded by loving family and friends; I had some dark thoughts that I never had to deal with before. Then it dawned on me that what was lacking was chasing a new passion, a new sport and skill that would spark new challenges for where I am now in life.
Look around you and think about what you can do to find that new passion, anything that makes you smile, challenges you to study something new and that you would want to share with others.
We go through several lives as we get older, I’m not the same person I was at 10 or 20 or 30 or 40. The trick is to keep moving and never stop growing and pursuing new challenges. It’s a big world out there with lots of stuff to learn and appreciate and despite how bad things are going, it will get better.
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pyro
Big Wall climber
Calabasas
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Aug 12, 2014 - 02:18pm PT
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I have friends who took their lives, but never said anything!
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Bob D'A
Trad climber
Taos, NM
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Aug 12, 2014 - 02:21pm PT
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Nice posts John E and Goat...serious stuff. I have not had to deal with serious depression myself but know others who have. Sadly you just can't "get over it" and for some there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
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Anastasia
climber
Home
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Aug 12, 2014 - 03:26pm PT
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Understanding it and having compassion is one thing, supporting such an act is another.
When a person kills themselves, all those that love that person are left in a hell of what if(s). Some of them that would normally have lived good lives never recover. No one ever just hurts themselves. We all effect those around us.
I feel for his suffering, I understand it on a deep level and... I wish he could have found a way through it even though I know... He probably was trying with everything he had and just couldn't. I really hope his loved ones find their way out of this nightmare he has sadly left them in.
All I feel about this is that it's a tragedy. Tragedies are never right, they simply exist. Was it a bad decision? Yes but at the same time should Robin Williams be called a coward, selfish, etc? I would never say that. Instead just like those that die from a bad illness that if they had just seen the right doctor... This is the same for me. Just a big sad tragedy.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Aug 12, 2014 - 03:47pm PT
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If you do decide to go the medication route make sure you see a good psychiatrist. And and preferably work with a psychologist too. General Practitioners can prescribe antidepressants but many shouldn't be able to IMO. Different things work for different people, for some none of them work. Some can make things worse. There are short term (addictive) and long term medications. Again see a good psychiatrist if you go this route, they are not all good.
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Aug 12, 2014 - 03:58pm PT
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I dealt with some personal mental illness issues as a child and young man. Not depression in my case but still the illness was clearly due to imbalances in brain chemistry.
I can say this with certainty. If medication can help you it you need to commit to working with it for a significant amount of time and with a doctor predisposed to adjusting and properly monitoring your results. One medication may make you feel worse.. another may do nothing.. it can take time to find what works best ...
But it's REALLY worth it if you find the proper help. Can you imagine peace in your own mind, the ability to feel real satisfaction with each day of life. It certainly no less a viable outlook than the "life is pointless" times we all can have from time to time but to be stuck long term with that emotion seems like a a hopefully curable situation worth plugging away at.
I am fortunate that depression has not been my challenge. But whenever long term chemical imbalance is causing mental illness it is worth looking into medical treatment.
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