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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Topic Author's Original Post - Mar 12, 2012 - 05:00pm PT
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I'll start off;
Some recent threads have made me think about something that has been nagging at me for a while.
We have all witnessed the male-female partner melt-downs of various kinds at the crags, but a little while back I witnessed a most horrifying and depressing event. A male-female team was preparing for a photo shoot. He made a number of little jabs at her, really getting under her skin, it was weird. Then, all of a sudden he starts tearing into her, SCREAMING at her until she starts to cry.
Just then the photographer showed up. He has NO idea what was going on and this guy who had been screaming is instantaneously Mr Charming, apologizing for his partner's "moodiness" and pretending he's super concerned about her.
It was clear that this guy was just trying to sabotage her and f*#k with her head,to throw her off before she got on a dangerous route in front of a photographer. Whether to make her look bad, or to concoct a situation where he looks good by coming to her aid, was not clear. Perhaps just into punishing women because he's too timid to confront men?
What father or brother out there doesn't live in fear of something like that (generally not quite this dramatic or public) happening to a woman in his family? Truly a parent's nightmare.
The way it looked was that he was putting her in serious danger. It was clearly a bad situation for her -- if she left the shoot she looked like the "moody partner." He began "apologizing" for her. If she stayed she had to climb a dangerous route in a less than positive mental state.
Just an example, though the worst one, from a series of similar instances. I might not have believed in the credibility of other accounts like this I had heard of, had I not been present for this particularone.
What would you do?
What have you seen?
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nutjob
Gym climber
Berkeley, CA
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:06pm PT
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That sounds pretty messed up. It's hard to intervene in other people's stuff, but maybe a comment to the lady like "hey, are you ok to climb after the way he just screamed at you? I sure wouldn't be." It's easy to play armchair quarterback about how to handle it after the fact. I would probably have done nothing.
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:09pm PT
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Jay,
I'm a father of two daughters in their 20's, and an older brother of two sisters. You're right; having one of my daughters or sisters in such a relationship would be a real nightmare. Fortunately, I've never had to deal with a situation quite like the one you describe. What my wife and I have done, we hope, is instill enough self-confidence and sense of self-worth in our daughters to avoid being attracted to men like that -- or to run, not walk, away if someone turns out to be that type.
I know my parents did that for us. My sisters have been very happily maried for several decades. Neither would fall for bullies -- verbal or physical. I hope we've done the same. So far, so good.
I don't know what I'd do, but I like to think I wouldn't keep my mouth shut. After all, I can't seem to do so on this forum.
John
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klk
Trad climber
cali
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:09pm PT
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that's seriously meed up. sorry for her to have to go through that.
sorry that you got put on the spot. domestics are really touchy. lose-lose outcomes are pretty often the only choices.
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:11pm PT
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Most climbing relationships fail.
It's telling you read into it that one climbs harder than the other, as if you feel that had something to do with it. I think that says more about you than them, IMO.
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rectorsquid
climber
Lake Tahoe
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:17pm PT
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When I read the thread title, I was going to mention yesterday listening to a lady on her cell phone telling someone to wrap it in a town and go to the emergency room. That was disturbing.
But I've never witnessed any sort of domestic problems. I've been lucky I guess.
It sucks to see people act like monsters or lunatics. Just watching two minutes of Horders by accident is enough to lose any faith in the human race.
Dave
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:29pm PT
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Seen two guys shot, a few car crashes with fatalties, and got drawn into more than one domestic violence incident, the worst when I returned home one night to find my college housemate beating and strangling his girlfriend...which turned into me fighting the housemate, a knife drawn, cops called, locks changed and having to take an impromptu "vacation" so he wouldn't make good on the death threats me was making against me.
Then there was that Adult Contemporary radio station festival show I worked...talk about disturbing...10,000 middle aged boomers rockin out to Celine Dion and similar. The trauma lives with me to this day.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:31pm PT
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This thread just gave me a case of flashbacks you don't need to hear.
Some of them almost as bad as ElCap's Celine Dion event! Scary!
Jay's abusive 'friend' probably would have heard about it from me and for
sure from my wife. The trouble is intervention isn't necessarily the best
thing and determining whether it would be is pretty tricky.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:31pm PT
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hey there say, jaybro... man oh man, i seen enough of the man-woman type stuff... enough, so, too, that i pray and am trying to teach all the kids that i have in my circle... hoping and praying for good, not only for my grandkids, but for your daughters...
the 'games' such as this man-woman stuff gone wrong,
is best dealt with, if we can reach these young kids, first,
and expose such things, the best we can, so they will recognize
it in others and steer clear...
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WBraun
climber
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Mar 12, 2012 - 05:39pm PT
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Then, all of a sudden he starts tearing into her, SCREAMING at her until she starts to cry.
Whoopty fukin doo.
And this is disturbing?
More like just another stupid drama .....
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Fish Finder
Social climber
THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:03pm PT
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I watched the OJ trial !
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enjoimx
Trad climber
Kirkwood, ca
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:08pm PT
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Here's a disturbing event at the crag for ya:
I was climbing in San Luis Obispo, at Cracked Wall. This was a few years ago. Just doing some of the routes, maybe 1 or 2 other parties leisurely climbing nearby. All of a sudden, a hiker strolls down the trail. This guy looks a little odd, maybe 18 or 19, dressed kinda funky and dirty and sullen looking. Looks kind of confused and almost depressed. Hair in his face and whatnot.
Anyway he notices a top rope, don't think it was mine but a nearby one, unattended. Without looking at us or saying ANYTHING he walks up to it, still looking really confused, and starts bat manning up the rope, hand over hand. The wall is steep, overhanging in most spots to where your feet may be helping you up, but you're not down climbing.
At first I was a little shocked, didn't know if someone nearby maybe knew this kid, or if he knew what he was doing and was playing some kind of joke. He gets about 15 feet up, and i finally ask in a loud confrontational voice "HEY what are you doing?" "is that your rope?"
From his position up the rope, he gets a little freaked by my confrontation and quickly bat mans back down, doesn't say a word, looks around really confused this time, and walks away. It almost looked like he was on drugs.
That's it.
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:17pm PT
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Jaybro...Did you give her your phone number...1 800-sexual healing...?
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divad
Trad climber
wmass
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:17pm PT
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I saw the ball go through Buckner's legs...
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michaeld
Sport climber
Sacramento
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:27pm PT
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Early morning at Snowshed Wall in Donner, my brother just finished some 5.7 crack thing, and i began following up. Our group was the first there, my brother's partner was napping in the sun down by the cars, and my girlfriend at the time was making PB&J's for us. Some car with 4 people in it pulled up, geared up in the parking lot, and headed over. I guess while climbing, one of the guys in the group slipped and hit his head on a rock, and wanted to go get it checked out. His very angry, raging, horrifyingly annoying Asian girlfriend was ripping into him;
"ITS YOUR FAULT YOU HIT YOUR HEAD!"
"YOU'RE STUPID!"
"*explicit explicit*"
The guy, still holding the back of his head, saying his head is hurting, is still taking it from this tiny angry screaming Asian chick. I think she even eventually said he deserved it because he wasn't wearing a helmet. (on the approach, really?)
At this time i'm turning around every now and then while climbing, and eventually get up to the anchor to watch them rip into each other at the parking lot, where she is still tearing into him for being such a *explicit explicit*. He's still asking how it's his fault, then he brings up...
"Dave"
Now, from here, Dave hasn't been mentioned. But, from what we were understanding some couple hundred or so feet away on the top of some freezing single pitch climb, "Dave", was now the guy with the head injury's choice of weaponry.
Oh man, the things that girl and "Dave" did must have been something nasty. He cut into her so bad. Mind you, there are two passengers with them. They're both by the back doors of the car, which i believe was a Prius, waiting for SOMETHING besides screaming at each other to happen.
Eventually after a few more explicit's and "Dave's", they all got into the car, and left.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
www.climbaddictdesigns.com
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:30pm PT
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I've seen a lot of disturbing stuff. I guess the key in this thread is "witness to" as regards to others, and thus not directly affected.
I know one thing - If I saw that guy acting that way, and switch off when the photog showed up.... I would be talking to myself, in a rather loud voice, as I am sometimes prone to do... "What the F! Dude is a Doctor Jekyl/Mr. Hyde to say the least. Tells that woman(insert quote, in best mimicked tone) and then acts like he's the savior..." And then I would turn to him and give him dagger eyes - daring him to say otherwise. And then...I would probably beat him down some more.
Passive aggressive? Maybe so.
This sort of behavior on my part is partially why I HAD to leave NYC... I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before me reacting this way to others acting poorly got me punched in the face or worse.
Like the time I saw a man in the face of a very tired-looking lady. This was on Broadway, Upper West Side, and the lady was sitting on a in the medium strip. I thought the guy was some xian proselytizer trying to convince this lady to save her soul before it was too late...
Ummm, not quite.
As I come upon this, I see the man in her face and she giving body language like "Oh my god - stop already."
I say "Miss? Is this man bothering you?"
She looks meekly down and says no.
I continue by and he says "Mind your own f*#king business, bitch."
Well, then...
Long story short, this guy gets in MY face. He is a tall white man with ice blue eyes, pretty nicely dressed, and filled with a rage I've seen before. the sort of rage that tells you he would beat you to death if only there were not a bunch of witnesses around.
I understand then, that he was a pimp, and she was a tired, worn out prostitute who, like a horse worked lame, was too tire to go do the work. He had been "cajoling" her into getting up and moving it when I came along.
He had told me, while in my face, that he was an ex-marine and could kill me any number of ways and...then some other stuff I don't remember.
Unfortunately - I am a Taurus, and though inside I could sort of sense I should STFU, I didn't. I stepped past him into the street(in case I had to run or dodge him), and scream "Who the f*#k do you think you are!? You could kill me in an instant. F*#k YOU, dude! You want me to call the cops right here, right now?
And then I bolt. Not too quickly, but...pretty fast.
...Not the brightest star in the galaxy, I then realize that woman is going to be paying for my mouthiness.
I hope that man gets his payback for the way he obviously treats people like that woman, but likely it won't be in this life.
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top step
Trad climber
Sunnyvale, CA
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:31pm PT
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Oh man, I hate it when people air out their personal issues in public.
About 3 years ago at the planet granite in Sunnyvale, I was top roping with my husband and became the target of this lady who was completely coming off her rocker.
We had been climbing for a few hours and the gym was pretty quiet. You know how you end up looking around at the people around you while you're belaying? Well I had noticed this man and woman couple, probably in their 40s, seemed to be really pissed at each other, but were still climbing together. I didn't stare or anything, was just aware of their strange interactions and didn't think much of it.
When we finished top roping, I was sitting on the step out to the rear bouldering area, watching my husband try a problem. And I noticed that no one else was in the area except this couple and it seemed like something strange was going down. The man was sitting about 25 feet away from the woman, looking like he was going to cry. Once again, I don't think too much of it.
The couple gets up and leaves and as the lady walks by me she stoops down and mutters something and then keeps walking. At first I wasn't sure if I had heard right. I go tell my husband that I think the strange lady just said something to me. And then we go to leave, cause we were on our way out anyway.
Just as we step back into the gym, the lady quickly walks right up to me and starts SCREAMING in my face. All sorts of weird sh*t. Like "how dare you think you can do that to my husband", "you think you can go make EYES at him without me noticing", "who do you think you are, do you think you're special, you next generation-ers think you HAVE IT ALL", "you're the ones causing the bubble crash and the market collapse", "how dare you just take it all away, you can't have it." Like, complete nonsensical things. Total flipping out screaming with terms like Facebook and online and social media and "kids these days" all thrown in. And I'm just standing there staring at her trying to figure out what the f- is going on. My husband starts telling her to back off but this lady is like a gnat, just completely in my face. So I make my way to the front desk, having to scream over the lady, explaining how I didn't know her and could they get her to stop (I guess call the cops if she had kept at it?). Then she screamed "ALL I'm SAYING IS THAT ONE OF US HERE IS A LIAR, AND ITS NOT ME", repeated this a few times, then left.
We thought it was over, then about 5 minutes later, the lady came BACK into the gym and walks straight up to me and says "I've come to apologize. I would really like to apologize. I realized its not you, but everything is because of this f-ing son of a b*tch right here." And then starts SCREAMING at my husband. Same nonsensical things. We go back to the front desk (lady still following us and screaming) and luckily the lady takes off pretty quickly.
The front desk people said they recognized her but hadn't really talked to her. I was a little jumpy at the gym for a while after that. Still avoid making eye contact with anyone. Wow there are some crazy people out there. And it sucks when you end up in their path.
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michaeld
Sport climber
Sacramento
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:37pm PT
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Wow Top Step... That sucks...
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jfailing
Trad climber
Lone Pine
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:45pm PT
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I once saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's. His hair was perfect.
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hb81
climber
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Mar 12, 2012 - 06:52pm PT
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Having a neighbour at our door, obviously in huge pain, with a towel around wrapped around his hand, asking for my mom to come.
Turns out he had just cut off half his thumb with a buzzsaw.
I think I was in first grade then. Pretty vivid memories.
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