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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Topic Author's Original Post - Feb 22, 2012 - 10:27pm PT
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Behold Cthulhu. He's come a long way from his humble beginnings as a dark entity of the underworld.
Let's give it up for Cthulhu. No longer a simple Lovecraftian literary horror.. he (it??) has evolved into bigger and eviler things. Republican? Democrat? Pah! Vote Cthulhu!
Spawning not only madness, but a video game, multiple fan-clubs and even a great knitted hat!
What's not to appreciate?
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apogee
climber
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Feb 22, 2012 - 10:29pm PT
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That thing reminds me of Dick Cheney.
Undoubtedly a Republican.
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Da_Dweeb
climber
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Feb 22, 2012 - 10:29pm PT
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It's about time we had one of these.
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MisterE
Social climber
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Feb 22, 2012 - 10:34pm PT
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New shirts are on their way as we speak...
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d-know
Trad climber
electric lady land
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Feb 22, 2012 - 10:47pm PT
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cthulhu saves.
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cintune
climber
Midvale School for the Gifted
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Feb 22, 2012 - 11:17pm PT
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Wgah'nagl fhtagn, yo.
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 22, 2012 - 11:19pm PT
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2012 - 12:10am PT
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The Great Cthulhu's political platform,for those considering him/it for candidacy:
Q) What is the candidate's position on campaign finances?
A) Cthulhu accepts any donation which a citizen wishes to make. It doesn't oppose contributions from organizations, conglomerates, or conspiracies. In fact, it accepts any and all types of financial assistance or other donations. Preferably, large quantities of currency will be sent along with human brains,other donated organs, or your first born.
Q)What would the Great Leader's position be on the U.S. Military? Would we see a shift away from cooperative multi-lateralism with the United Nations? How does the Great Leader feel about nuclear weapons?
A) Our future leader would ban a standing U.S. Military. Cthulhu does not feel that humans should have the privilege to killing other humans, it reserves that right to itself.
The Great Cthulhu's solution to the United Nations will be to eat all current U.N. delegates. It will then build the U.U.N. (Unilateral United Nations)
Our Great Leader is greatly opposed to nuclear weapons in the possession of others, because the melting of human flesh, and mass destruction, are not mortal rights.
Q) What is Great Cthulhu's position on obvious cult fronts (such as Microsoft, Lego and most gaming companies); will he/she/it treat them as previous administrations have? (i.e. pretend they don't exist or support them/crack down on them) Also and more important will he treat all cultists equally, or give his particular thrill kill cultists preference leaving (for example) shub-niggurath disciples such as Clarence Thomas and Bob Packwood out in the cold?
A) Good question. Within the first 100 days of its reign, the Great Cthulhu pledges to destroy the following cults:
* Disney.
* Mass Media.
* Yuppies.
* Kentucky Fried Chicken.
* People who use the phrase "information superhighway".
Cthulhu cultists will be given the following priveleges:
* They will die last.
Q) What solution does your candidate have for the problem of massive overspending by the government on the poor and elderly. Does he have a way to free up this money for other important projects, like going to mars or building big guns.
A) The Great Cthulhu's solution to massive overspending by the government on the weak, will be to go right to the heart of the problem, by destroying the elderly, poor, and clinically insane. It does not need a big gun, and Mars will be eaten immediately following Earth's demise.
Q)My roommate, being a conscientious citizen of the US, would like to know who will The Illustrious One's running mate be. And how will he solve the national deb t. I've told him, debt will no longer be a concern for his merely mortal mind t o ponder. Now, my concern, as a citizen of a foreign country, how will Cthulhu rule my country as well. Please see to it that It is given more money for bombs and other implements of destruction. Will Cthulhu use psychic powers to drive u s all mad, or must a study be made of this?
A:As of yet, the almighty Cthulhu has not chosen a running mate. If you feel you know a good candidate, or perhaps you've eaten one lately, please submit your candidate suggestions to: runningmate AT: http://www.cthulhu.org/
As stated above, Cthulhu will treat all countries in the same manner as it treats the United States. No study will be needed, since to merely gaze upon it is insanity itself.
Q) What is the candidates stand on welfare? I think all of the bums should be eaten by mister cthulhu.
A) You are wise. You will be eaten second to last.
Q) Just what does Cthulhu think of the institution in corporate America known as the "power lunch"? Out here in California, it is often held at a Japanese restaurant and features sashimi (raw fish), tempura-fried vegetables, teriyaki chicken or beef, tonkatsu (a type of breaded pork chop) and/or sushi. Would it continue to be deductible under the IRS regulations if he were elected?
A) The Great Cthulhu is opposed to any an other such institutions. They sound way too nice. Anyone caught committing such a henious act will suffer multiple seconds of torture before being destroyed.
Q)If Great Cthulhu becomes president, we obviously would all go mad. Do we get to choose which particular pathological condition we are blessed with, or does the big C just roll a d100 and we get what we're given? Also: He's been dead but dreaming for quite a bit of time now. What's to say He's not going to be a bit sleepy when he wakes up? I mean, how's a Priest of the Old Ones supposed to destroy a world effectively if He's half-asleep for goodness sake?!
A) The Great Cthulhu will not give humans that kind of decision over their own fate. They are far too weak to be able to handle that kind of pressure. Ever notice how your potential for destruction increases when your in that state? This will only enhance Cthulhu's domestic policy.
Q)Will he, as president, go jogging? (what a nasty thought!)
A) The Great Cthulhu is in perfect health, and due to its high metabolism and steady diet of human flesh, has no pathetic human need for exercise. In fact, those humans caught jogging with be destroyed immediately.
(From "the Home Page for Evil")
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Feb 23, 2012 - 01:59am PT
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Eric was quite into Lovecraft, and even named a route at the base of El Cap Cthulhu.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Feb 23, 2012 - 02:34am PT
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Is it Lovecraft's birthday?
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NigelSSI
Trad climber
B.C.
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Feb 23, 2012 - 02:40am PT
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The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.
How can you not like that?
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hooblie
climber
from out where the anecdotes roam
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Feb 23, 2012 - 03:36am PT
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NigelSSI
Trad climber
B.C.
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Feb 23, 2012 - 04:14am PT
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Out of curiousity, and semi related to Lovecraft... Is 'Red Nails' in Squamish named after the Robert E Howard tale?
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Josh Holmes
Trad climber
UT
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Feb 23, 2012 - 08:30am PT
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Cthulhu should pick up FSM for his running mate.
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Topic Author's Reply - Feb 23, 2012 - 09:38am PT
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Egads- How could I have forgotten about inspiring the Metallica song?
I think I just moved down the to-be-eaten list.
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Wade Icey
Trad climber
www.alohashirtrescue.com
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Feb 23, 2012 - 09:44am PT
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another f*#king political thread....or sushi fest TR?
Cthulu/Nature 2012
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NigelSSI
Trad climber
B.C.
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Feb 26, 2012 - 05:08pm PT
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Feb 26, 2012 - 05:17pm PT
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Also a spicy 5.10d put up by Eric Weinstein and Dave Anderson in 1975 just right of Peter Pan's first pitch.
Werner isn't too big on R rated face routes so this one might not be on his list.
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