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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Original Post - Aug 9, 2010 - 07:32pm PT
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When I first started visiting Tuolumne Meadows, the only guide available was Roper's High Sierra guide. It had written descriptions for a modest number of routes.
One day, my friend John and I stumbled upon a great area that had beautiful routes not in the book. We climbed and relished. Later, we ran into this guy named Alan. He was solo-bolting a new route, Inspiration. We chatted, and he told me of the Underground Guide that he had written, and I of course wanted a copy. So I left him my address. And then forgot about it.
Time passes, and then, the angles came to my mailbox. Within was a copy of the guide, with a letter from Alan (click to enlarge):
In Alan's guide are some gem descriptions. My favorite all-time route description is for The Great White Book:
Below is one of my favorite topo notes, for Sunshine:
Certainly you have your own favorite guidebook descriptions. Any good ones to share?
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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What I've found is that pretty much any description with the word "obvious" in it is not to be trusted.
"After about a mile take the obvious trail branching left." Is guaranteed to mean one of the following:
a) after about a mile there will be nothing but a solid wall of trees or rock on your left
b) about six trails will branch off left in the 200 yards on either side of the mile mark.
Likewise "follow the obvious corner" means either blank rock, or a choice of three or four corner systems.
Edit: Ha! Pate was posting the same thought at the same time.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 10, 2010 - 02:06am PT
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Bump, because the letter from Alan Nelson is cool.
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Shack
Big Wall climber
Reno NV
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Aug 10, 2010 - 02:50am PT
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Anything out of the Roper "little green book".
like...
"For some reason this route is very popular"
"The first ascent of this extremely ugly route..."
"This route is quite terrifying from below."
"From here follow a frightening 175-foot jamcrack..."
"walk, slither , or hand traverse across the ledge"
"A nasty, decomposed gulley is followed for two pitches..."
"The next pitch goes up, then right to a belly crawl which leads straight left.."
"This airy climb could become quite popular." (about The Prow)
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martygarrison
Trad climber
The Great North these days......
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Aug 10, 2010 - 10:00am PT
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I always like the Reed Direct description from the Roper green guide.
"The complete route is a very attractive climb and has become obligitory for hardmen"
Boy that was the truth when I was starting out in 72.
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Elcapinyoazz
Social climber
Joshua Tree
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Aug 10, 2010 - 10:06am PT
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My favorites are from the Southeastern Climbers Companion, which later became a one, then two volume set called the Dixie Cragger's Atlas.
But back to the SCC. Why do I like the descriptions? Because most of them are totally f*#king useless. (I don't live/climb down there anymore, so now it's entertaining, before it just pissed me off). You'll have 2 pitch routes with no indication of individual pitch ratings. Descriptions that tell you nothing at all about the route. Things like (made up example): "Whistlepig, 5.10c. Start 15 left of RouteX. You'll be happy as a pig in sh#t as you grunt, snort, and squeal your way up this one. Not for clean freaks."
Great. Now what size is the crack, does it protect, where is the crux, and what kind of climbing is it...stemming? steep crack? overhanging jug haul? Who knows? The guide sure as hell ain't going to tell you.
RobRob seemed like a a superhero to us when we started climbing (guy put up like half the routes in the region). But the descriptions, while lyrical, are about as useful as tits on a boar.
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Steve Grossman
Trad climber
Seattle, WA
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:22am PT
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Original Lovejoy guide to Granite Mountain...
Magician 5.6-The Magician is the climber that can do this route without being nailed by a cactus. Love that one!
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justthemaid
climber
Jim Henson's Basement
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:30am PT
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My favorite from above: "clipping your first bolt up while standing on a pile of saltine crackers..." LOL
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franky
Trad climber
Ford Pickup Truck, North America
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:42am PT
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surprised this one hasn't been posted-
"The Puking Gecko, Grand Wall, *** S9 5.12d/e 712m
An intimidating and salacious climb. The final pitch is so exposed, tricky, and continuously strenuous that it is impossible to even contact the rock at any point. Better than making passionate love on top of a Japanese Bullet Train. Superbly magnificent and grimly brilliant." — Andy Cairns.
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Alan Rubin
climber
Amherst,MA.
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Aug 10, 2010 - 11:44am PT
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Art Gran's 1964(?) guide to the Gunks (a slim red book)is a true classic, full of wonderful, quirky route descriptions. I don't have my copy to hand for direct quotes, but to paraphrase pretty closely one that I recall--"The Move-5.6--This is essentially a one move climb. It has one difficult move." There were many others. Errol Morris's privately published late '60s guide to Devil's Lake was also a classic, featuring the black humor and morbid obsessions apparent in some of the films he was to direct in later years inclluding a description of a variation to one poorly protected climb as "to the hospital".
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slabbo
Trad climber
fort garland, colo
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Aug 10, 2010 - 12:02pm PT
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Any Ed Webster book that describes- "fingery climbing"
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Auto-X Fil
Mountain climber
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:14pm PT
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Rick Wilcox's NE Ice guide is full of descriptions including the word "obvious".
I have come to the conclusion that he hasn't the foggiest what that word means.
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:16pm PT
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Perhaps Andy (MH2) will elaborate on his description of the Puking Gecko.
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rgold
Trad climber
Poughkeepsie, NY
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:34pm PT
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Here are some quotes from the Art Gran guide to the Gunks mentioned by Al. This style of commentary created a cottage industry of parodies, culminating in a masterpiece by Joe Kelsey.
"The crux is the type of thing that only moving up will solve." (Fat Stick)
"This route involves a very severe pull of the arms. The crux is when you run out of arms!" (Roseland)
"On most weekends, one can go to its base and view an extremely bad example of direct aid technique." (Doug's Roof)
"Upon reaching the belay point, most climbers forearms will be blown up like balloons." (Nosedive)
"All the way up sharp holds can be found. It creates a strain on the climber to decide which bucket to use." (Butterfly)
"It has to be quite a bad day to undertake such a poor climb." (Susie A)
"Yvon Chouinard manages to put in great routes wherever he climbs, but when someone asked him about this route, he said, 'I could put in a hundred such routes and forget them all tomorrow.' For it is only the giant walls which will endure forever on one's mind." (Matinee)
"This easily found route offers a choice of endings, and includes many objects to drop on your friends." (Arch)
"If a climber leads this route and you are with him, you will see an excellent example of calmness on sheer rock, for it will be the only tool that will save him from a fall." (MF)
"The crux requires some planning ahead. A good climb for the sequence climber, that is, one who plans several moves ahead." (Dry Martini)
"This route wanders a bit looking for an easy way up. One must admit it achieves its aim." (Blueberry Ledges)
Less well-known are some of Art's observations on style:
"First Ascent: (no name given) Unfortunately, not put in on the lead."
"There is no major climber in this country who will deny that a single bolt mars the beauty of any route. A bolt in an admission that the route licked a climber technically. In only a few extremely rare cases are they absolutely necessary. Think twice about placing a bolt and thus spoiling a lovely line."
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JEleazarian
Trad climber
Fresno CA
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Aug 10, 2010 - 01:44pm PT
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Although I was raised on Roper's Red Climber's Guide to Yosemite Valley, I loved one phrase from the Green Valley guide: ". . . 'Here we are and where the hell's the belay bolt?'"
John
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 10, 2010 - 01:50pm PT
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Moby Dick, Ahab 5.10b * Pro to 3"
Good Beta, if you're gonna solo through the crux.
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jogill
climber
Colorado
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Aug 10, 2010 - 03:53pm PT
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From Climbing in the British Isles by W. P. Haskett Smith, 1894. Smith is usually acknowledged as the father of British rock climbing. Here's his take on bouldering:
"Bear Rock: A queerly shaped rock on Great Napes, which in the middle of March 1889 was gravely attacked by a large party comprising some five or six of the strongest climbers in England. It is a little difficult to find, especially in seasons when the grass is at all long."
Another jewel:
"Gash Rock: We are indebted to Colonel Barrow for this name, which he bestowed on Blea Crag . . . for no better reason than that he knew a man called Gash, who did not know the name of the rock, or how to climb it."
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 10, 2010 - 03:58pm PT
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John, that Roper quote is hilarious. I wonder what climb he's referring to.
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Aug 10, 2010 - 04:11pm PT
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It's not a reference to an identifiable climb, at least not in context of the guidebook. He's referring to topos, his refusal to include them so as to preserve a spirit of adventure, and refers to topos as reducing or eliminating questions such as "Here we are, and...?"
Though Roper may well have been thinking of a specific climb or incident.
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