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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Topic Author's Original Post - May 25, 2010 - 01:13am PT
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My first day being unemployed and had some time to think. I look back on my life and think there are things I am proud of and things I regret. I did a lot of stupid stuff in my youth. I like to think I have been more benefit to the world than knott. But sometimes I wonder.
Probably pissing in the wind, but just wondering.
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MisterE
Social climber
Across Town From Easy Street
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May 25, 2010 - 01:16am PT
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If you have to ask the question, the answer is probably no.
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Todd Gordon
Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal
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May 25, 2010 - 01:31am PT
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Things to ponder. As a public school teacher, everyone is always telling me I
Need to get the test score up
I'm too easy
I'm too hard
I give too much homework
I don't give enough homework
I'm too strange
I'm too nice
I'm too mean
I suck
I'm not as good as so-and-so
I'm too old
I'm too boring
I over-stimulate the kids
I don't teach enough
I'm lazy
I'm burnt out
I'm too old school
I don't follow the curriculum
I don't teach to the standards
I am this and that....I've heard it all from the best teacher in the world to the worst teacher on the planet...I know I work hard, am very experienced at what I do, I care alot about kids, people and teachers..I have a fairly positive attitude, and I have fun with it..that's way good enough for me..so what does it all mean?
.............I say....do your best under the circumstances...and that's about all you can do...keep the ball rolling, have a good attitude, keep a sense of humor, make things fun, give it a good shot, .......dont' have to be #1 all the time with everything.......just go day to day, and stay positive and focused.......and oh yeah;...drink alot of beer and climb alot too;...that's important as well. I'm glad I don't have good hearing and I fall asleep at most boring staff meetings and inservices.....or else I could get worked........and I'm glad to sort of listen to everything and then do what I think is best......other people's ideas are not always for me.....I got to do most things according to how my brain works (or don't work..).......I also believe as one gets older....we actually DO get smarter in some ways......basically;...WE ARE AWESOME...and if anyone tell you different....they SUCK!........(That's the way I look at it anyways......sort of have to because I need a good head of steam, an intact ego, a tough skin and a warm heart to deal with my job, my young family members, my wife, and Tucker Tech when he runs out of beer. ) Cheers, John......one day at a time........TV, beer, and climbing......get busy...and as far as doing stupid stuff in my youth;...hell;...I still do stupid stuff on a daily basis....it's fun and I entertain myself with my stupidity and lame-o antics......
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mrtropy
Trad climber
Nor Cal
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May 25, 2010 - 01:38am PT
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Todd,
I am in your shoes change a couple names and all is the same. My department head took a golden hand shake today for early retirement. She came in and told me, we cried ,we hugged, we laughed. Not sure if I am a good person but she is. Teaching is one of the noble professions.
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Topic Author's Reply - May 25, 2010 - 01:39am PT
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Thanks Todd. I'm just freaking tired. Time to step away from the keyboard and get out there. Just trying to look at my life. MisterE's point is well taken as well.
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Todd Gordon
Trad climber
Joshua Tree, Cal
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May 25, 2010 - 01:52am PT
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As long as I have challenge and chaos......stumble through it all in as blissful state as I can be......I'm in hog heaven....and with small children, a teaching career, rock climbing, and a messy house;....I'm always in fat city.......you are a good man, John;....enjoy a few days off......remember the TV, beer, and climbing too.
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willie!!!!!
Trad climber
99827
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May 25, 2010 - 02:08am PT
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Um... yeah. My best friend just died and I don't hold a candle to how rad he was.
i'm taking steps to implement his awesomeness.
Thing is, he didn't even try. He was just full of love. That's all we get.
Start TODAY.
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Fletcher
Trad climber
not very much, recently.
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May 25, 2010 - 02:24am PT
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John, from your OP, you sound like a completely normal human being. Don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes the road that takes you through the muck is the only way to get to that really cool valley on the other side of the ridge.
Plus, I just checked with Santa and you are definitely on his "good" list!
Eric
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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May 25, 2010 - 02:40am PT
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hey there say, johntp... ohmy... i sure know some of this... what you may be going through...
meaning that, now that i am not working, i take very good care to make sure that i am not using any of these free days, wrong... being that---i am getting help to be supported and i dont want to be responding wrong in anyway if i am living off of bits of money from my folks...
i need to make sure i listen to my concience, yet, i need to make sure that i still do what it is that makes me, ME, or i will also be wastiing my life by feeling quilty thus, never do anything but hit streets for finding work... and --there is only some kinds that i can do, as my ol' brain has number glitches and transposing issues and i do great, later, after i get my own system, but folks dont want to hire you, when they see you are NOT up to par... :O
so this is taking longer than i figured... :(
so i guess the best i can say is this:
check your heart (concience) daily.. .not by introspecting (unless there is a specific need, for such)... but, just by taking general things and general days... kind of like: keekp a peek at the ol' compass, as to if you are hitting proper marks, northward... being on course, as to who you should be, at this time...
then, you will know... if somethings wrong, you will feel uneasy, not neccessarily quilty, but just off course, (guilty, is more for when you are purposefully taking wrong steps)...
when you fall short, you will know how to fix it, then, too, generally... as you have been taking notes on yourself...
also, sometimes, you are actually bearing good fruit, but the area that you are doing so in, is new... and you just dont see it yet...
(i hope this is my trouble, at the moment) :O
so best wishes for your labor and your new crop of fruit..
may it be even more than you ever dreamed.. .and may it be rich and last,
so that when these hard time hits, like now, you will make it through, even if you have to wrestle the ol' road a bit...
:)
god bless you this supertopo eve...
:)
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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May 25, 2010 - 02:43am PT
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hey there willie!!! say, i am always very touched by how you have kept to the trail of trying to gain insight from an awful loss that you had to be part of, on a day, that came to a bad halt... you have gotten up, in spite of this terrible time in your life and your friend's loved ones' lives... all due to a very good buddy's affect on your life, we can stay on a most wonderful course, in life, if that buddy has so inspired us, and yours has...
and... we can share how that good buddy lives on in our heart, as we grow, too... and send out shoots, to the others side of such awful sorrows...
keep speading your branches, willie!!!! and you will never lack good fruit, either...
god bless,
:)
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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May 25, 2010 - 04:32am PT
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If you have to ask the question, the answer is probably no.
If you think to ask the question, the answer is probably Yes.
The problem is that most of us have a significant level of Self Loathing. It subconscious for many and in the face for many. The people who ask the question "Am I a Good Person" are not the ones' who are likely to be bad people. (and there are very few conscious "bad" people, most people do their best and the one who are consciously bad are reacting to inner angst)
Plus, we've been conditioned to project an idealized self that we can never live up to, a perfect person that we need to be in order to be admired and loved. We know we're not that so we get hard on ourselves out of the friction caused by the difference between who we are and who we think we should be.
We've also been conditioned to a mindless work ethic where spending your life moving money around in corporate slavery is somehow noble while enjoying your friends out in nature is selfish.
It doesn't help that in most relationships we hurt each other in little or big ways now and then. It can help us grow and understand or just add baggage to our head.
Live and let live. Accept and forgive yourself and extend that to others. That's about as good as anybody gets
Peace
Karl
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Brian
climber
California
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May 25, 2010 - 05:59am PT
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If you have to ask the question, the answer is probably no.
That's a pretty flippant response and, as Karl notes, generally off base.
Most people are not self-critical enough. A rare few are too self critical. That being the case, most folks walk though life thinking they are good people simply because they, at best, "live and let live."
There is a very big difference between avoiding evil and being good. Almost everyone confuses the two and thinks that, because they avoid doing evil, they are therefore good. Lots of folks try to avoid being bad. Some even succeed. But most people never get started on being good. If you are asking the question, I think you are on the right track. We should all ask that question occasionally.
Brian
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Brian
climber
California
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May 25, 2010 - 09:29am PT
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DMT,
That's an excellent point, and something everyone should keep in mind. It's true that great evils can be perpetrated by people trying to "do good" (which isn't always the same as being good).
However, the reason most people don't bother with trying to be good isn't that they are worried that they might unintentionally commit evil or some other wrongdoing; it's because they are comfortable with just being good enough instead of being as good as they can be. It's relatively easy to avoid evil; it's very, very hard to be good. It's the American way. Aim for mediocrity and you'll never be disappointed (unless, I guess, you really suck).
I'd rather go through life trying to be the best person I can be. That won't be "perfect" (Karl's right) and it won't mean fixating on everything that's wrong with the world (I'm not God and so can't fix everything that is fecked up with the world). It does mean that I'll work at being a good person, which entails asking the OP's question on a fairly regular basis, and prioritize things that serve that end.
Brian
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Delhi Dog
Trad climber
Good Question...
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May 25, 2010 - 10:04am PT
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Sound wisdom coming through in many responses, in fact all of them.
To not answer your question, but to only mention that ultimately, only you can be your own good person.
Each of us chooses our own pathways and actions.
Cheers,
DD
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Brian
climber
California
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May 25, 2010 - 10:05am PT
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Pate,
First, it's not about being the best; it's about being the best you can be.
Second, if you never ask questions, or if you only ask questions to which you (think) you know the answer, you never learn anything.
Read that again, then "live it like a mantra." You'll thank me later.
Brian
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crusher
climber
Santa Monica, CA
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May 25, 2010 - 10:44am PT
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If you have to ask the question, the answer is probably no.
NOOOOO!!!!! Sorry Mr. E I do not agree. Karl and Brian have it right. A "bad" or otherwise totally self-involved person would not even ponder that.
No one is perfect. No one is all good or always good or will be good all the time. It's a daily exercise and a thing to strive for every day we're on this earth. And everyone's idea of "good" will be different.
You probably feel a bit sensitive right now and maybe you're pondering your karma - isn't that normal anytime life invades our "plans"?!
It's nice that you're thinking about it - we could all always make an extra effort, every day, to do something for others, "just because".
John, something that has helped someone dear to me who was going through a layoff and the subsequent emotions was to see a therapist for a while - talk things out, most importantly get some perspective and start the healing process. This was a life event - don't forget that. So be good to yourself too!!!
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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May 25, 2010 - 10:50am PT
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to date i've not spun this thought, john.
im 35 and still building the person that i'll once be.
cant really look back yet, as i'm mid-stride in all other directions.
foresight and hindsight cannot clap hands.
these two visions must arm wrestle, or simply bludgeon won another.
bruised and forbidden, their's healing process encourages both confusion and clarity,
because when the fog passes in front of the sun, rainbows are borne,
and the assailants of passive poise sit down, tie their shoes and ready for another sprint to everywhere.
no john, i've no time to wonder how i've been, for all of my energies are tied up in forging who i am.
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scuffy b
climber
Where only the cracks are dry
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May 25, 2010 - 11:47am PT
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I could only make it through one response before posting this.
I can't imagine not wondering this. I can't imagine that many people
we revere have not had to endure this.
We humans are remarkably talented at self-doubt.
We have a very selective memory, and most of us minimize our positive
attributes and accomplishments while exaggerating our flaws.
That time you let down someone important in your life? Well, maybe not
that time, but the other time...it wasn't such a big deal as you
remember. You've gone through worse, put up with worse behaviour, and it
didn't ruin your life.
Try this little exercise: Look yourself in the mirror, right in the eyes,
and tell yourself: "I love you, unconditionally."
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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May 25, 2010 - 11:48am PT
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John, definitely too much time lounging. You are a 'do' person, yes?
Don't dwell on it. Just find a new thing to do. The rest follows. And I don't mean that in a blaise way.
Agreed with Baba on the 'if you have to ask' re-interpretation.
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ydpl8s
Trad climber
Santa Monica, California
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May 25, 2010 - 11:49am PT
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I've tried....god knows I've tried
I've failed....god knows I've failed
Just don't stop trying, that's when you go to the dark side.
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