Discussion Topic |
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Original Post - Jul 27, 2007 - 04:44pm PT
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crimpergirl: "These dates so KILL me. Can't. Go. Then.
Waaaaaah Waaaaaah. Call the wahmbulance. :("
(fake Department of Homeland Security letterhead)
Department of Crime Studiers
University of St. Looney
Attention: Department Chair
Dear Sir:
Re: Professor Crimpergirl, Ph.D. - Important Investigations
We are writing to inform you that we will require the presence of one of your professors during the period of September 25th - 30th. We can't tell you much - as you know, loose lips sink ships. It is enough to say that she will be needed in Yosemite National Park, to assist with an ongoing investigation of a reported criminal terrorist gang. We refer to her as Dr. Crimpergirl in this letter - you know who we mean.
The conspirators have been reported for:
1. Satirizing little George.
2. Disrespect for government agents, or as they subtly put it "tools of the fascist conspiracy".
3. Conducting unauthorized operations, including illegal campfires, speeding, feeding the wildlife, and not flushing.
4. Relying on their supposed constitutional rights.
5. Free thinking and free speech.
The conspirators will be meeting during the time Dr. Crimpergirl is needed - they have cleverly disguised it as part of the "Yosemite Facelift", some sort of feel-good volunteer event. The event itself is mostly harmless. Some helpful things are accomplished, to help redress the scandalous lack of government funding for park management. The Facelift also enables the Department to easily track these people - "volunteer one day, demonstrator the next", is our motto.
The extent of the conspiracy is not yet known, although the involvement of one "Karl Baba" is highly suspicious. His recent trip to India, supposedly to help him "see better" simply adds to this. Sounds like a terrorist to us, anyway. Their plans may include:
a) installation of surveillance devices throughout the Valley, so as to track their "enemies",
b) continuing their pattern of criminal terrorist behaviour outlined above,
c) claiming their constitutional rights,
d) pooping in the woods (one #46 claims it's certain), and
e) having too much fun with too little respect for the righteous forces of righteousness, aka this Department.
Dr. Crimpergirl has cleverly infiltrated this group, at some sacrifice to herself. Guided by her handler (aka "Parrotman"), she has become part of the group, which goes by the idealistic name "SuperTopia". Her cover name is by chance "crimpergirl", and she certainly has impressed the unwitting conspirators.
We urgently require the continued assistance of Dr. Crimpergirl at this time. Under the Patriot (Suppression of) Act, you are prohibited from discussing this matter with anyone else. If anyone should enquire as to her whereabouts, you must tell them she is on leave, due to urgent family matters.
Anticipating your cooperation - or else!
Ima Para Noyd
ps Dickie told me to do it.
pps After she's done with Yosemite, she's off to D.C. - lots of criminal conspiracies to check out there.
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Chicken Skinner
Trad climber
Yosemite
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Jul 27, 2007 - 04:48pm PT
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That should work.
Ken
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Anastasia
Trad climber
California
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Jul 27, 2007 - 04:49pm PT
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Laughing my tush off!
Too funny.
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RRK
Trad climber
Talladega, Al
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Jul 27, 2007 - 04:52pm PT
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sounds like a field study in criminal behavior to me - most universities want you to publish something and this could be it - CG should apply for a federal grant then everybody could eat and drink on the government's dime while she's "studying" you.
RRK
PS If you need to spring her for a single weekend then she can just call Monday morning after the trip and tell them not to pay the ransom because she has escaped.
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J. Werlin
climber
Cedaredge
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Jul 27, 2007 - 05:29pm PT
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Leave it to a Canuck to finally get the big picture.
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davidji
Social climber
CA
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Jul 27, 2007 - 05:43pm PT
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Maybe you could edit a bit so it doesn't make it so easy to search for her online persona. From what she's posted in the past, I don't think she wanted to be so easily googled.
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John Moosie
climber
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Jul 27, 2007 - 05:52pm PT
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Too funny, I volunteer to be a test subject. I have been known to be nefarious. Yippie.....
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 27, 2007 - 05:52pm PT
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Somewhat edited as suggested by davidji. It can be removed if indeed it might "cause a problem".
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
St. Looney
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Jul 27, 2007 - 07:02pm PT
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Heh heh! Good one. I'm pretty easily found so what is up there is okay. Just don't try to break in my house in the middle of the night and scare me to death. Once in a lifetime is enough of that for me!
Believe me, I want to be in yosemite. If there is a way, there are frequent flyer miles available to make it happen!
edit: I just saw the editing! Dept of crime studiers! hilarious!
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