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sunshinedaydream
Trad climber
the big granite bubble
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Jul 18, 2017 - 11:53am PT
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Nut again, I sent you a message. There is a community of climbers out there that have experienced this kind of manipulative hell. Many are still in it, I received an just email from a woman in the Y Valley last week, whose is trying to get out safely from the manipulation, lies, gaslighting. When the veil comes off from these relationships, the reality of your manufactured life becomes so real, and scary. Often alienating the victim, while the narcissist is comforted and protected. Hope you are farther along in the recovery, I have some great resources if needed. Big Hug.
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Hubbard
climber
San Diego
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Jul 18, 2017 - 07:31pm PT
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Hey Nut, nothing personal here, just going to state the obvious in relation to the Korea threads; The North Korean dictator is just like your x wife, except he has nuclear weapons. This is why the world has problems. It's up to normal people like you to solve these problems. Maybe it is just better to run away fast. Sometimes there is nowhere to run. Sometimes you have to fight. Most people don't want to fight, but that does not change what the other person is doing. Fighting for democratic freedoms and the right to read whatever you want might be worth it. Fighting for the love of your children...worth it! The questions I have been raising are how to go about it. The whole advancement of humans is to have peaceful rule of law be respected internationally, domestically, and between spouses. No more caveman stuff. When respect for law fails, military force is the fallback, or losing. If everyone was wonderful there would be no need for police. Utopia is the dream. Reality is something different. It's all hard as nails. Never live in fear of being the hammer. What did that famous stonemaster climber do when he was run out fifty feet on the edge at Tahquitz? He reached for the hammer and sank a bolt. He didn't want to drill, but he knew that he didn't want to die just yet.
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Jul 18, 2017 - 08:49pm PT
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Nut's ex is phat with bad hair? Ewwww!
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jgill
Boulder climber
The high prairie of southern Colorado
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Jul 18, 2017 - 09:06pm PT
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The North Korean dictator is just like your x wife, except he has nuclear weapons
;>)
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chainsaw
Trad climber
CA
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Jul 18, 2017 - 11:34pm PT
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Nutagain, I have a narcissist evil stepmother who has caused alot of hurt in my life. Its hardest on children who didnt make the choice to be abused by a narcissist. We have no way out of the situation except to leave behind the loved ones who are trapped in the dysfunction. What a pity. Narcissists always claim to be the victim and shed blame on the ones they prey upon. I don't understand their way of thinking. I guess the term pathological is appropriate. I think their dysfunction derives from their personal sense of powerlessness combined with a self centered ego driven personality . I also knew a woman with Münchausen syndrome, a related affliction. She poisined her husband to collect his life insurance but he didnt die. So she kept him doped up on trazadone and used him as her proxy to gain attention, sympathy and charity from others. She was a sexual deviant who screwed everything that moved and then manipulated her lovers by threatening to sick her 300 lb biker husband on them. He had a traumatic brain injury from the poisining and was vulnerable to her manipulation. She always claimed that she had been raped by the men she seduced. She would use oranges to bruise her face and claim she was beaten. She put catsup on white towels and cried miscarriage. She stole peoples prescriptions and put them in other peoples drinks. She liked to steal peoples car keys and then watch them struggle. She always had an "I told you so" attitude about the dramas that she created. All her children and family members and friends suffered terribly. To add a shield to her arsenal, she was a Mormon. She didnt really have faith. Just another smoke screen. I guess it was my own fault for being naive and gullible and weak that led me into her spiderweb. I think maybe my stepmother trained me to allow people like her to use me. These days I have learned to accept responsibility for my relationships and personal dramas. It is truly amazing the range of human behaviors. No fiction could ever come close to how crazy some people can be. I must have been crazy myself to be a part of it.
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Craig Fry
Trad climber
So Cal.
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Jul 19, 2017 - 08:41am PT
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^^^
confirmed sociopath
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c wilmot
climber
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Jul 19, 2017 - 08:47am PT
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A good example of a sociopath is Bill Clinton.
Of course that all depends on what your definition of is...is
It's telling of the intellect of many Americans that they still fall for his superficial charm
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thirsty
climber
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Jul 19, 2017 - 02:50pm PT
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Climbing with a person who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) means you are always climbing in a group of three. You, them and their out-sized, but fragile ego. Just as you have to take into account your partner's needs and assess their capacities and experience, so too must you assess the state of the third member of the group – their ego – as you climb. It has to be treated as a separate entity. Sometimes your partner will have more resilience than their ego. Sometimes their ego is strong and you can call on it to bolster your partner so they can get through something difficult.
But be careful. Don't climb with people who have NPD problems unless you understand the disorder as well as your own vulnerabilities. If you are someone who has always wanted “close” friends but haven't really had many, you are vulnerable to manipulation. Etc...<read the literature>
That being said, people with NPD problems are real people. At their core they are just like everyone else and the big ego they need to maintain is a way of defending a deep weakness and insecurity. I have found that sometimes doing long scary routes with such people can bring out their more human side and allow them to relax the defense mechanism a little.
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