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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:42am PT
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Cold c*#k her when the kids aren't looking...!
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WBraun
climber
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:46am PT
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johnny
The pain is in his heart not in his head.
Sometimes in life you should just be Johnny and not be rotten .....
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10b4me
Ice climber
Bishop/Flagstaff
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:50am PT
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Matt, my parents were married until my father died in 2002(sixty-two years). I saw them go through thick and thin, but the marriage survived. My mom , who is in failing health, laments the thin times. Marriage, and any relationship, relies on many things to survive. Communication, honesty, and truthfulness are keys to a successful relationship.
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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Oct 31, 2013 - 12:56am PT
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Lambone, I am so glad you saw your kids. I send good vibes for working this out with your wife.
Sully, my friend was told by her lawyer not to pursue the child's father for his half of the support because the father is very very underemployed and my friend would end up paying him child support. And this is after simply dating for 4 months (they were broken up 6 weeks when she found out she was pregnant.)
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SalNichols
Big Wall climber
Richmond, CA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 01:15am PT
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Child support is computed by a fairly simple formula that takes into account the income and liabilities of the parents, in particular the non custodial parent. The only way your friend pays the father child support is if he is the primary physical custodian of the child. The computer WILL NOT generate a child support number that exceeds ones income...though it might feel like it. IMHO, and the state's btw, if it's your sperm, you need to be supporting your kids.
In as much as there was no marriage, Spousal Support does not apply.
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NutAgain!
Trad climber
South Pasadena, CA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 02:47am PT
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Alright Lambone, I'm happy to hear you faced stuff and spent time with the kids. My perspective before was for a different situation. If she is not blocking you from time with the kids, then getting lawyers etc. is just an escalation of whatever conflict there is and won't help you at all toward an amicable or peaceful resolution. Lawyers increase conflict, contempt, and whaetever negative feelings are there. They encourage new trespasses that make it less possible to forgive each other. They are motivated to win the immediate conflict at whatever cost, not create the long-term environment for the most mutual happiness or least mutual pain. If you think that an amicable/peaceful resolution or a reconciliation is possible, everything I said before doesn't apply.
BUT... if there is already a full-on war going on, but you just don't know it yet, then going through the motions of being amicable and peaceful will end up reducing the time you get with the kids. It all comes down to how well you know your wife, how she handles conflict, how straight-up facing stuff she is vs. being deceitful, how much she prioritizes her own desires vs. others' desires, how much she fundamentally believes in the role of the father in the kids' lives, where her actions and inner feelings may not match her words, etc.... I personally have had a tough situation because of unfortunate factors here, but it seems that many more (if not most) people have the good fortune to find a reasonable civil way through it to minimize damage.
I hope it all works out for you, that the pain you are feeling motivates you to deal with whatever obstacles get in the way of you being who you want to be, and that you are able to reconcile, forgive, and either make it work or part peacefully but be supportive parents together.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Oct 31, 2013 - 05:14am PT
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i don't know the specifics of your situation, lambone.
but as a father of a 10 year old and a 7 year old,
i do know that kids put a significant strain
on the couple-ship between the wife and husband.
i don't see my wife that often, for
all the prosperity-pursuit;[Click to View YouTube Video]
and when i do, the kids are usually
all tangled up in our communication,
and of course independent time with
her is greatly abbreviated.
then there is the struggle of
unifying parenting approaches.
my 10 year old is currently lying to us,
and issuing disrespectful words,
both at an increasing frequency.
just last night, i got reprimanded
by my wife in front of the kids
because i calmly called Annapurna on
her shite, and took away a spend-over
with her friend as consequence.
my wife doesn't believe in "consequences"
and blunt accusations, and
i don't believe in allowing the kids
to walk on me.
so i got to sleep on the couch.
i wish you the strength and clarity
to see through the current challenges
and recognize that all the reasons
that you married the gal in the first place
are still there,
and someday, when the kids are moved on,
you'll have your sweetie back
in full regard.
i see a lot of my peers break up their
marriage at this time of the trip:
when the kids are young and demanding
upon precious couple resources
(time, energy and money.)[Click to View YouTube Video]
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SalNichols
Big Wall climber
Richmond, CA
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Oct 31, 2013 - 05:15am PT
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Do you guys have a really good marriage and family therapist in your town? Find one that you BOTH like, then go. A good one will get you two talking CONSTRUCTIVELY, even if you eventually come to a decision to split.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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Oct 31, 2013 - 06:05am PT
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relationship trouble?
nerves strained to the breaking point?
easy,
1)Install Adobe Flashplayer 11
2)Watch movies til your mind is fixed
don't matter how long it takes because time is just a concept,
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
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Oct 31, 2013 - 08:05am PT
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Werner...I was rotten in my last life and am still working thru the Johnny..I feel stupid and wish i was born outside of the U. S. of A..
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Oct 31, 2013 - 04:26pm PT
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our soul is drunk on emotions, johhny.
[Click to View YouTube Video]
there's not individual souls for each of us to inherit, nope.
there is only one collective soul, that we all share and comprise.
we getta take turns bludgeoning that dream,
i admit i hog the universal spirit, at times.
and flog the piss out of it with bliss.
here, i've had my fill,
someone else house it for a century or so.
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Lambone
Big Wall climber
Ashland, Or
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welp, she dropped the D word....seems pretty determined. I'm trying to keep myself together and keep my hope alive. It's pretty much all I got at this point. I keep showing up and being kind. Maybe if some time goes by she'll reconsider. sucks all around. We're in this for the long haul together and I'm not gunna fight her...she wants me to be in the kids lives and I'm happy for that.
Spent too much time this year makin myself happy through my passions and not takin care of her needs at home. she thinks the things I need to be happy will never allow her to be. tough situation, we failed at finding a happy middle ground and things that make us both happy together.
hardest experience of my life to be forced to vacate my home and children.
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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Lambone, are you willing to go to couples therapy? Is she?
[edit] Here's the name and number of an Ashland therapist who has completed advanced training in a highly effective orientation to couples work.
Will Nuessle 541-301-8522
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Lambone
Big Wall climber
Ashland, Or
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I asked the other day. didn't go well. she's asked me before and I've resisted thinking we could get by on our own. that worked out, huh?
I'm trying. one step at a time. thanks for the recommendation. maybe i'll go meet that person on my own and suss it out.
there is still a lot of love on both ends. and I'm hanging on.
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MisterE
climber
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Man, just saw this - sucks Lammy.
I know you are a good man with a great heart.
Erik
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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You might get a lot of traction if she sees you are trying to really "get it" and "get her" by doing something you've resisted. I bet her side sounds something like, if only you had wanted to go earlier it wouldn't have come to this and now that I am really out of here, you are willing, well poop on you.
The really good part of working with someone who knows how to work with this dynamic is that you might get some really good feedback about exactly how to talk to her in a way she can hear. And you will, if you really enter the therapy with willingness, get something that makes her able to listen to your part in all of it. You are caught in a dance and both sides have missed some steps. I send hopeful energy and good vibes.
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Lambone
Big Wall climber
Ashland, Or
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Yes, and yes. But I need balance, we both do. My balance got out of alignment.
I appreciate yalls sound advice and concern, but I don't really want to get into details too much on here. She's a good woman with a solid head on her shoulders and a big heart.
Mostly just checkin in with my 'taco fam let y'all know I'm alright. Keepin my head up. Tryin not to booze it up.
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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
I'm James Brown, Bi-atch!
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speakin of booze,
how do you make Manischewitz Wine?
kick him in the balls,
girls are alright,
the pretty ones are like stamps,
you gotta lick em before your stick em,
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Sometimes you hang on too long, I did. When splitting up looks inevitable, get it done and move on.....you might be surprised what you find out there.
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splitter
Trad climber
SoCal Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
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you might be surprised what you find out there. i here this hot babe is available and fairly easy to get along with...
she's even been up el cap a few times. and ain't showing her age at all.
edit: rottingjohnny cud probably hook ya up with her, or one of her sistahs (he's got the inside scoop on all the hot babes).
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