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goatboy smellz
climber
boulder county
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Jan 23, 2007 - 11:13pm PT
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The topic is offensive not obvious.
Ray Charles could see through his bullsh!t.
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TGT
Social climber
So Cal
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Jan 23, 2007 - 11:28pm PT
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How do you know when a blonde has had a bad day?
She can't find her pencil
And!
rimshot here
she has a tampon behind her ear.
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goatboy smellz
climber
boulder county
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Jan 23, 2007 - 11:47pm PT
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Offensive or dirty I can not help myself for such a forgiving thread drift, oh well.
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive
me."
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221..."
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Watusi
Social climber
Joshua Tree, CA
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Jan 24, 2007 - 12:19am PT
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LOL!!! Man! Some outrageous stuff you've posted here!!
)How can you tell if a Polish girl is on the rag?
She's only wearing one sock.
)What's the leading killer of polish women?
Toxic sock syndrome.
)How can you tell when it's bedtime at the Neverland ranch?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
)Why is your ex wife like a tornado?
They both come in all blowing and sucking and the next thing you know your house is gone.
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Watusi
Social climber
Joshua Tree, CA
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Jan 24, 2007 - 12:27am PT
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This man and woman are in the elevator together when the man asks, "Which floor you going to miss?" she replies, "The second, a pint of blood is worth $20, how about you?" He answers, "I'm going to the third, sperm is worth $50!"
Two weeks later the man sees the same woman enter the elevator and says, "Second floor miss?" She shakes her head with three fingers raised and goes,"Mmmmmph" with full mouth.
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goatboy smellz
climber
boulder county
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Jan 24, 2007 - 12:42am PT
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Please do not kill the messenger.
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,
"See honey - its not that bad."
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Indianclimber
climber
Las Vegas
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Jan 24, 2007 - 12:51am PT
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Why do mexicans eat tamales for Xmas?
So they will have something to unwrap
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goatboy smellz
climber
boulder county
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Jan 24, 2007 - 01:03am PT
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One day Ms. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called her vice-president, Dave, into her office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."
Dave looked at Ms. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."
The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said,
"Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"
Barbara replied,
"You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."
Badda boom badda bing!
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goatboy smellz
climber
boulder county
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Jan 24, 2007 - 09:12am PT
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62 reasons why cucumbers are better than uhhhh.....
62. The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
61. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
60. A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
59. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
58. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
57. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
56. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
55. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
54. With a cucumber you can get a single room and ... you won't have to check in as 'Mrs. Cucumber'.
53. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
52. If you can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the movie at a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
51. A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
50. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
49. A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
48. A cucumber won't ask: 'Am I first?'
47. Cucumbers don't care whether you're a virgin.
46. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
45. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin.
44. With cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
43. Cucumbers won't write your name and number on men's room wall.
42. Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
41. Cucumbers won't ask: 'Am I the best', 'How was it?' 'Did you come?', 'How many times?'
40. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski instructor or hair dresser.
39. Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one.
38. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
37. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over.
36. No matter how old you are you can always get a fresh cucumber.
35. You can dish a cucumber up for dinner to your Brother-in law
& Sister, after f*#king it.
34. Cucumbers can handle rejection.
33. A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
32. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
31. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
30. A cucumber won't give it up for lent.
29. With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.
28. Cucumbers won't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
27. A cucumber will never give you a hickey.
26. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night and you won't have to sleep
in the wet spot.
25. A cucumber won't work your crossword in ink.
24. A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
23. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
22. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
21. A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
20. Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest.
19. A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on or hairspray.
18. Cucumbers won't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
17. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
16. A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you're in the shower.
15. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
14. Cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold.
13. Cucumbers won't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
12. A cucumber will never leave you for another man, another woman or another cucumber.
11. You will always know where your cucumber has been.
10. A cucumber never has to call 'the wife'.
9. Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
8. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
7. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement or seek custody of anything.
6. You don't have to wait for halftime to talk to your cucumber.
5. A cucumber won't leave town on New Years Eve.
4. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
3. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
2. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
1. You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
Beer vs. Vagina
1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work.
One point to BEER
2.Warm beer tastes awful.
One point to VAGINA
3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER
4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair
between your teeth, you may vomit.
One point to VAGINA
5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a
scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of vagina your wife
may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point
to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal
circumstances. I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being.
6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten vaginas in
one night and you don't want to drive anywhere. One point to VAGINA
7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may
suffer. If you eat any vagina in public, you become a legend.
One point to VAGINA
8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If
you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. One point to VAGINA
9. You normally don't find old beer.
One point to BEER
10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much
vagina and you'll think you've seen God. One point to VAGINA
11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is
fun. One point to VAGINA
12. In most countries there's a tax on beer.
One point to VAGINA
13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off. One
point to BEER
14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle
or a can. One point to BEER
15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it
settles down. One point to BEER
16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark,
pilsner,ale,lager,etc One point to BEER
17. You always know how much beer is going to cost One point to BEER
18. Beer doesn't have a mother
One point to BEER
19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you
drink it One point to BEER
FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 VAGINA: 8
That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER
PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or
discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them, an extra point for BEER
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