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Dr.Sprock
Boulder climber
Sprocketville
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Feb 13, 2010 - 01:38pm PT
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you wanna hear a funny one, we were in our drunk class, and the black teacher, who was an ex heron addict, (black folks always pronounce it heron for some strange reason,)
anyway, the teacher asks "what are some of the properties of alcohol?"
and one of the guys says "social lubricant."
and poor ol derek, rest his soul, says "please don't talk about sex in this class..."
i guess you had to be there,
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Largo
Sport climber
The Big Wide Open Face
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Feb 13, 2010 - 02:00pm PT
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Twisted crank said: "Join the circle, dude."
I can remember, years ago, when I had about two months and I was all skiddish and after a meeting I was running for my car and an old timer came up to me and said, "Don't leave us now." Those words saved me, I swear to God.
So, yeah. Join the circle.
JL
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mountain dog
Trad climber
over the hills and far away
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Feb 13, 2010 - 02:20pm PT
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To hear most of you guys stick up for AA helps give me some hope. I've never been into joining clubs or groups. Always felt like and wanted to stay an outsider. A do it yourselfer.
Now, I don't think I can solo this climb. It's good to know I have some peers out there to relate to.
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Feb 13, 2010 - 02:21pm PT
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a while back this old-timer lady pulled me aside and told me "you don't have to do this alone."
took me a while to take that to heart, but today it serves me well.
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Chief
climber
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Feb 13, 2010 - 02:24pm PT
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AA always stood for Attitude Adjustment.
Just for Today!
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Feb 13, 2010 - 02:26pm PT
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the undeniable struggle though...
reality, at times, should be averted. as too much off it is stiffling.
so,
how do you sober folk sidestep the poke in the ribs?
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Ricardo Cabeza
climber
All Over.
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Feb 13, 2010 - 06:06pm PT
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Hank, thanks for bringing this up.
I, too, suffer from alcoholism.
I start, I stop. It all goes back and forth.
I don't post while under the influence as a matter of principle, but alcohol has ruined my life.
I feel helpless, beat down, and it kills me.
I was once a happy, fun loving person.
Now, I teach skiing and drink at night.
I feel confused,scared and stuck in a cycle I don't enjoy.
AA doesn't seem like the answer for me, but I'm running out of options, self control went out the window a while back.
Thanks for speaking about this, you're not alone.
Best,
Brandon-
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survival
Big Wall climber
A Token of My Extreme
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Feb 13, 2010 - 07:41pm PT
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AA doesn't seem like the answer for me, but I'm running out of options, self control went out the window a while back.
Ricardo,
There are LOTS of people who struggle with AA. More of them than the ones who take to it right off.
As they say, take what you need and leave the rest. It may not be a perfect system, but it has improved millions of lives in the last 60+ years. Not a doubt in my mind.
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Feb 13, 2010 - 07:56pm PT
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Brandon - AA can be a tough nut for some people, and for some it just doesn't do it. Some have talked about another program called Rational Recovery; I admit I know nothing about that one though.
Some have done a stint in rehab, and through their own efforts afterward, stayed clean.
Some have had their doctors prescribe...I forget the name of that drug. It makes you feel like CA-RAP if you have a drink. I have never used it but know someone who did.... He says "yep, you feel like sh#t." Unfortunately for him, not shitty enough. He drank while on it. Antibuse! That's the drug.
"so,
how do you sober folk sidestep the poke in the ribs?"
Do you mean, avoid feeling the pain, embarrassment, discomfort, humiliation and all those other icky things that happen in daily living?
If yes.... I sidestep them through other processes that aren't good for me - oversleeping and eating sugary foods, mostly. Or I lash out in anger. That isn't good either for me, since I feel crappy afterward.
Some people sidestep with other things. Just cause one doesn't drink doesn't mean they don't still do some pretty sketchy stuff. I've known sober people who were still stealing, sex addicts, raging angry mofo's....
But - the better way is to step back front and center, instead of side-stepping. Feel the pain, humiliation, anger, upset, whatever. Adter all, for me that goes along with getting all the life stuff I have gotten from being sober.
Actually....I am a few days away from getting to experience something potentially really big for me. Well, a step in that direction, anyway. Something that, if I wondered what was one of the things I thought I would never get in life, this would be the one at the top of that list. The fears that this is going to be a poke in the side so painful I want to shrivel up and die are great. I am actually sort of scared.
But I am using those tools I learned through AA, and each time I catch myself going "down a bad line" in my mind, I stop, and go over the facts that I do know. And I tell myself to trust. And be present for this.
I may get an awful poke in the side. But I also may get something else; something much nicer. Without risking the pain, that wouldn't be possible.
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willie!!!!!
Ice climber
honolulu, hawaii
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Feb 13, 2010 - 10:57pm PT
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Hankster - You've got a couple years on me, and I can see we are different in many ways, but I'm right there with ya on the drink.
Alcohol has been a HUGE player in my life. I've never been a down-and-out gutter drunk. Quite the opposite. I've accomplished a lot and made a name for myself in my career and hobbies. Which really amazes me because I am fully alcohol's bitch. I've hit rock bottom twice and done 3 years sober once and 2 years sober the other. Right now I'm fighting (or not) for my life again.
The hardest part for me is that my entire limited social life revolves around getting shitty. All my friends are fellow barfly lushes. It's what we do. It's fun a lot of the time! I'm a big part of an amazing music scene. But the youthfullness I always relied on to get me to the hill the next morning is fading.
The funny thing is that during those five years of sobriety, I did 3 times as much awesome sh#t than during my drunk life.
I'm gonna quit again soon. I have to. I'm looking forward to the awesome hallucinations on night 2-5 and also dropping right back to my fighting weight in 3 weeks.
Congrats on a month. That's a hell of a long ways, as you know.
Put the energy you're killing into something rad.
Neil said we're all like setting suns. Setting suns are awesome. Just shortlived. It's all been written about and studied forever. But here we are, eh? Pretty real.
I'll end this with the Slobberbone on my mind today. I hiked 3 times at the pass. Good day. Still gotta quit again soon. Time for more manic sober antics.
Get Gone Again - Slobberbone
I'm so sick of writing songs about screwin up
No matter how much I fall down, it seems it's never enough
No matter how much good luck throws itself my way
I find some way to ruin it and out again the next day
Road rash and run down
Wrinkled from the rain
The song in my heart makes just one sound
And I sing along just the same
I wonder how long I'll hang around before I go insane
Before I break down
And get gone again
Put myself on trial again for crimes I could not see
My naked aggression was picked up on a charge of indecentcy
And I remember how I felt when first it exposed itself to me
And I pray for forgiveness and a sympathetic jury
Road rash and run down
Wrinkled from the rain
the song in my heart makes just one sound
And I sing along just the same
I wonder how long I'll hang around before I go insane
Before I break down
And get gone again
And it makes no difference what you thought you came here for
Any plans that you might've had
Are swept right out the door
And it makes no difference how hard you think you've tried
When you'll find out in the end its just...
It's just a lie
There's been girls that loved me, I cheated on them
With a woman named whiskey and gin, her best friend
But their affections flow like liquid to a thousand other men
Who will trade lovin for liquor, salvation for sin
Road rash and run down
Wrinkled from the rain
The song in my heart makes just one sound
And I sing along just the same
I wonder how long I'll hang around before I go insane
Before I break down,
And get gone again
And get gone again......
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dipper
climber
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Feb 13, 2010 - 11:57pm PT
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This thread is likely the most significant thread on ST in years.
In no way denigrating all the brilliant posts by Jello, Ed H. (Frank S. thread a true gem), Doug R., Guido, Karl and more.
Watching all the drunk posting (mine included) that has gone on here for years, reading of those that lost the battles with the bottle, the depression and all manner of other hurdles, I vote this thread stay on the front page non-stop.
So many people here have lived on adrenaline for so long as climbers or skiers or base jumpers, living without that euphoric jolt can be damn hard.
Hank, I wish you all the best. Thanks for asking for help. You have all that i can give.
The same to all the rest soldiering on, whether you know you are soldiering or not.
Cinclus mexicanus - That bird that swims
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willie!!!!!
Ice climber
honolulu, hawaii
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Feb 14, 2010 - 12:13am PT
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And to top it off (sorry), the other 90% of the world wishes they had our problems, right?!? WTF.
Anyways, keep up the good work, man. I'll be joining you soon.
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Feb 14, 2010 - 12:22am PT
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Second Chances
I can’t let it go, the picture I keep of myself
in ruin, living alone, some wretched town
where friendship is based on just being around.
And I drink there a lot, stare at the walls until
the buzzing of flies becomes the silence I drown in.
Outside, children bad-mouth my life with songs
their parents told them to sing. One showers
my roof with stones knowing I’m afraid
to step out and tell him to stop. Another yells,
“You can’t get a woman, old man. You don’t get a thing.”
My wife, a beautiful woman, is fixing lunch.
She doesn’t know I dream these things. She thinks
I’m fine. People respect me. Oh, she knows, all right,
I’ve seen grim times. But these days my poems
appear everywhere. Fan mail comes. I fly east
on a profitable reading tour. Once in a while
a young girl offers herself. My wife knows that, too.
And she knows my happiness with her is far more
than I ever expected. Three years ago, I wouldn’t
have given a dime for my chances at life.
What she doesn’t know is now and then
a vagabond knocks on the door. I go answer
and he says, “Come back, baby. You’ll find
a million poems deep in your destitute soul.”
And I say, “Go away. Don’t ever come back.”
But I watch him walk, always downhill toward
the school yard where children are playing “ghost,”
a game where, according to the rules, you take
another child’s name in your mind but pretend
you’re still you while others guess your new name.
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willie!!!!!
Ice climber
honolulu, hawaii
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Feb 14, 2010 - 12:54am PT
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BVB - you will be one of my mental inspirations this time around. Thanks.
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pocoloco1
Social climber
The Chihuahua Desert
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Feb 14, 2010 - 12:59am PT
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bvb, great stuff. your pen?
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bvb
Social climber
flagstaff arizona
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Feb 14, 2010 - 02:00am PT
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i wish. that's richard hugo.
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em kn0t
Trad climber
isle of wyde
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Feb 14, 2010 - 03:15am PT
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hank,
keep on, one day at time
regarding the higher power / belief conundrum, a good book:
"One Breath at a Time - Buddhism and the Twelve Steps" by Kevin Griffin
namaste, and may the higher power be with you, whatever that may be
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Floridaputz
Trad climber
Oakland Park Florida
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Feb 14, 2010 - 10:18am PT
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regret will be replaced with joy !
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Hardman Knott
Gym climber
Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca
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Feb 14, 2010 - 12:28pm PT
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What's the worst part about knott drinking?
When you wake up in the morning, that's as good as yer gonna feel all day...
And there's something to be said for that!
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Feb 14, 2010 - 12:31pm PT
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That's not true.... Especially if you have a cold and are all stuffed up from laying down all night. Or wake up from a nightmare. Or something.
But I suppose - if going up from awful is to be seen as a positive, then....I stick with Door Number One, Bob.
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