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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 25, 2011 - 10:09pm PT
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hey there paul, say, just thinking about you ...
say, also, i am sending you an email, so take a look out for it...
god bless...
:)
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Pastor Dave
Social climber
Yucca Valley, CA
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Mar 26, 2011 - 11:33am PT
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God, without Ruth I would be dead by now. And without the support of ALL the rest of you, we would both be even more worn out.
Hi Paul Glad to see you are working at containing the volcano within. You certainly have every "right' to be angry but you also have a responsibility to try to make life bearable for that WONDERFUL woman who has chosen to let you live with her. Living with you has always been a challenge for all of us but your incredible energy, drive and determination makes it more than worthwhile. As I look back at the years I was the "Primary Parent" due to your mother's problems, I seem to have instinctivly realized that trying to make you conform to other people's idea as to how a "preacher's kid" should "behave" would not end well... so I took you to the mountains and let you work off all that energy and frustration on relativly undistrctable rocks.
Since spending some time with you I have felt an incredible empathy for your frustration. Being unable to deal with your frustrations PHYSICALLY (because of the pain that accompanies any physical activity) is the WORST part of your battle with this cruel disease. I DO NOT believe that what you are experiencing is any kind of "punnishment" NOBODY "deserves" to be tormented this way. However, the lives of great men and women throughout history teach us that pain and suffering can refine and develop strength of charater and other posative aspects of our lives. I would love to share with you how this works, but frankly, I probably know LESS about this process than you.
I think it is your incredibly open and frank sharing of your struggles that has brought so many friends and "strangers" you have never met to this site. It is the raw, honest, profane, nothing held back openness that we all admire and would like to emulate. I join others in urging you to continue posting even though you may feel you have already said some of these things a hundred times. When you write we all know that you are ALIVE! My hope and prayer is that THAT FLAME WILL NEVER BE EXTINGUISHED!
To say I LOVE AND ADMIRE YOU AND RUTH seems so trite and inadequate but I DO and so do so many others. You are the champ! The Master of all Disasters!!!!
Dad
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Zache
Social climber
Arcata, ca
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Mar 26, 2011 - 06:30pm PT
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Thanks for the pics of Footsteps and Carruthers. We have been climbing carruthers a bit actually, some good bouldering there. I havent tried the bolted slabs yet but they look like quality rock.
Gonna try and find some time to rebolt some stuff at Patrick's point. I want to finish off the bolting of the PO wall. There is definetely some good stuff there. Whale nation continuation..
talking to Eric, he suggested to replace sketchy pitons on the Sea stack by wedding rock (not the low tide crack stack but the other). This would open up 2-3 routes there. I need a really rusty route that would look good with before and after pictures. I want to show them how it would make a safer difference.
Speaking of which, I noticed some rusty thing around the corner of the po wall going up some headwall of some sort. This is above the super-polished rock around the corner from the po wall. It is not indicated in the guide and looks very sketch but otherwise like a good climb. Do you know what I am talking about?
The park is asking me to let them know when I am going to be in the park and pictures before and after of the rebolting.
Now I need to buy some glue-in bolts and also to find time between the rain and working to get there.
Its been a very wet spring...
take care,
Zach
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nature
climber
Mysore Karnataka India
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Mar 26, 2011 - 11:37pm PT
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which way around the corner from the po wall?
I might have some history for you on that area.
finishing whale nation continuation would be a good idea.
That was the last project we worked on bolting before the park busted us (oh so many years ago).
I'm glad to see they are cooperating. Actually, I know from speaking with Eric a few years back they started that trend 10 years ago or so. In the early 90's that wasn't the case.
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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 27, 2011 - 12:01pm PT
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Woohoo, climbing talk!
OK:
talking to Eric, he suggested to replace sketchy pitons on the Sea stack by wedding rock (not the low tide crack stack but the other). This would open up 2-3 routes there. I need a really rusty route that would look good with before and after pictures. I want to show them how it would make a safer difference.
Speaking of which, I noticed some rusty thing around the corner of the po wall going up some headwall of some sort. This is above the super-polished rock around the corner from the po wall. It is not indicated in the guide and looks very sketch but otherwise like a good climb. Do you know what I am talking about?
The Sea Stack routes are called "Nautilus" and "Sea Wolf" in the Bigfoot guides. The original names are unknown. They protect with dusty rusty pins and 1/4 " bolts. The seaward stack is the only formation I did not replace anchors on. IT NEEDS it. THose wouls be fantastic adventure pinicle climbs. Do you have the Patrick's Point Guide from the 1970s? Here it is:http://www.supertopo.com/climbers-forum/1332204/Patricks-Point-SP-Climbing-guide-from-early-1970s-Humboldt
The slick wall around the corner to the right of the PO wal is a good climb. It was closed by the park because there is a shell Midden below it. Tom Ogden knows all about that route (He has climbed it more than most)
Patrick's Point desparatly needs an update/ better guide info. We never filled it in much in the BCC guides. Another resource is this link:http://www.supertopo.com/climbers-forum/1200612/Scattered-Humboldt-County-climbers-where-are-you-now You should e-mail some of those guys, Zack.
Doug, is this pic at Ossagon? Do you have info. on the history there?
Cancer Talk:
I am still pretty down and hurting. But today my digestive tract decided to work on its own for the first time in weeks, so that's good... I do not think I will make it to J-Tree next week. No money, no energy, and I have to get scanned in SF the day afterthe planned party. Oh, well. I have sworn that I will at least go to the gym with my new climbing shoes and pull on something. It is that or go completely mad.
Ruth and I are more chilled out now. One thing about being forced to do nothing, go internal; it teaches you to be still, at least a bit. (How was that for a sentence?) But calmer does not equal happier. I am still working on that.
C-Ya,
Paul
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nature
climber
Kovalum Kerala India
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Mar 27, 2011 - 12:37pm PT
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Doug, is this pic at Ossagon?
Uh.... If I told you I'd have to kill you. And all things considered you sorta have enough of a battle on your hands with that.
yeah, that's Ossagon. I know nothing of the history. As I'm sure you are well aware "we" don't talk about that place to many much less publish it. If you find it - good for you. If not, well... your life coulda been bettah! ;-)
The real prize is who is the climber in that pict? I'll give "you" a hint - he was at SushiFest IV:XX - the first one. And it's not Piton Ron! (Sooze would have an easy time with this one!)
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Iclimb5.1
climber
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Mar 28, 2011 - 02:30pm PT
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Hey Paul,
I'll look for more Humboldt pics. Like I said, I have a VHS video...I could mail it but can't post it 'cause it's old technology. Wish I had one of those cool machines that copies VHS to DVD!
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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 30, 2011 - 12:30pm PT
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Paul here.
Feeling real bummed Ruth and I will miss the party and meeting many of you in J-Tree. No road trip for now. I even found comfortable climbing shoes on sale. They are staring at me from across the room with a "what the heck?" look.
In a way, it is rediculous to think of climbing now. I am a skeleton. I don't like to shower, since it means seeing myself in the mirror. Where did I go? When sitting I can motivate to get on it. Upon standing, the reality of gravity takes over...a lot of effort.
The plan is /was to get to the climbing gym tonight. But that might last all of 5 minutes. Is it worth the try? I know doing nothing won't make me strong. But am I actually so ill that too much effort will just make me crash further? Walking a block seems an effort.
The worst is the nausea, for sure. I have hurled nearly dayly for TWO MONTHS now. THat's enough to drive anyone mad. It f*#ks with my head, makes me hesitant to venture out away from the safty of my barf bucket.
Eating is a chore. Only half stays down, and the other half is nearly force fed due to no appitite. And on and on...
Arn't you glad you clicked to get updated? Happy to lighten your day.
IF I can settle the tummy, I will drag myself outside, and then to the gym to try the new shoes. I am scared. Scared! Rediculous! I guess this is what an abuse or rape victem feels like in a way; this sense of dread that the next moment or decision will turn out just as bad as the ones of memory. Cancer PTSD.
On the plus list:
-Ruth's still here and working her ass off to feed and house us both. She still tries no matter how down my attitude becomes.
-I am still at home and coherant enough to write this.
-I have a speech / show invite in a month to prepare for.
-It stopped raining!
I must realize that I am already bigger than my problems, that I am capable of the scary yet mundane. Yet my mind is still too raw and prone to cower rather than cope. I hate that.
If I am to try to live, I need to realize that the things about life I feel inadequate at can be mastered. I must slay a few phobias and put aside behavior which has prooved unhelpful.
Simple to say, harder to believe, and a challenge to change.
OOOhh, my gut hurts. I just want to be a real boy again...
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JOEY.F
Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
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Mar 30, 2011 - 01:29pm PT
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Hi Paul, I'll pick you up and we can go to the gym. Call me 707 291 8398. (if you want)
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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 30, 2011 - 01:47pm PT
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Joey,
Thanks. It won't be until this evening, I think. Ruth is working. When she gets home I will see if she wants to go or not. Might just meet you there. Do you have a regular time you show up?
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JOEY.F
Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
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Mar 30, 2011 - 01:52pm PT
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Erand running in Santa Rosa, so going pretty soon today if you want to go earlier.
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nita
Social climber
chica from chico..waiting on spring days..
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Mar 30, 2011 - 01:57pm PT
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Paul, I'm so sorry that you are suffering, still wishing and praying for a better change in your health.
I am not a Doctor, nor do i play one on T.V... ...but.
Paul, can you get some Lorazapam/Ativan- to calm you. I have been known to take half of a pill to help me with anxiety, and it really helps.
Sending Love to You and Ruth.
xo
nita
Hi , Joey....
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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 30, 2011 - 02:11pm PT
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Joey,
I need to wait for Ruth, so head on out if you are. Might see you there.
Nita,
Got the lorazapam. Took one today. Helps slightly, but not much.
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JOEY.F
Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
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Mar 30, 2011 - 02:21pm PT
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Maybe we'll mesh another time. Take care, Paul.
Hi ya Nita.
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SCseagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Mar 30, 2011 - 10:18pm PT
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Hi Paul, Drinking my cup of tea of course. I am in Bishop on the way to J-Tree. I can't tell you how much I wish you were able to go. I'm drinking lots of green tea nowadays as they say it's good with antioxidants and recommended as part of an anti-cancer diet. I ran into a young woman at the Gear Exchange here in Bishop that knows you. Geez, I can't remember her name right now. Anyway, thinking about you sooo much. Good luck with your scans next week and whatever next steps the med team has in store for you. Susan
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JLC
climber
Flatland, USA
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Mar 30, 2011 - 11:10pm PT
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Speaking of the gym... Sam still talks about our visit last summer. Here's one of many pics that I should already have shared with you.
The girls are ready for another road trip. Hope to see you again this summer.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Mar 30, 2011 - 11:25pm PT
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I'm bummed you're still suffering like that, Paul.
I hope things will change for you soon so you can
begin living again.
My best wishes to you and Ruth
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yoginigirl
Social climber
Eureka
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Mar 31, 2011 - 11:30pm PT
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Well Paul ~ Maybe this will lift your spirits. there is an electrician guy named Bob that used to talk to you when you would hang out at the brewery. Well, after 2plus years he finally came to do yoga. Says he remembers talking to you and loved having conversations and made it finally to class. Bonus is he is willing to help with the electric problems of the studio. We also just painted the whole downstairs so we have been channeling you. the whole front is pink now,,, peaceful pink and mystic beige with gold trim. The last time we painted it was you, me and N of course.
Looks like we are trapped up north here,, or somewhat anyhow,,, big,big slide just north of Garberville, gotta go ALL the way around to get anywhere. Sun was almost out today. Everyone sends positive, healing energies.
You can do this,,, we have talked often about overcoming fears and perceived in-abilities. Do what you are able and that is enough. You are still yoga-strong in the brain. Just keep with it and drink Ensure if you can keep it down.
Peace, love and light ~ J
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Captain...or Skully
climber
Idaho.
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Mar 31, 2011 - 11:42pm PT
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Rediculous is my favorite color. It's most vibrant.
Thank you for a bunch of perspective, Paul.
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Jan
Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
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Still rememberring you and hoping for the best.
I think I remember seeing on another thread that you had to do "pros"? I couldn't figure out if that was new prescriptions or protocols? Weren't you waiting to hear about another clinical trial?
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