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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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Jan 19, 2018 - 01:37pm PT
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During training exercises, a Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered a jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Certainly not," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
Officer: "Private, do you have change for $10?"
Soldier: "Sure, mate."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!
Do you have change for $10?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
My wife just stopped, and said “You weren’t even listening, were you?”
I thought to myself, “That’s a very strange way to start a conversation......”.
Sort of long ..........
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
The man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00......on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jan 19, 2018 - 01:42pm PT
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The wife says to her husband, "I want you to whisper dirty things to me."
And he replies, "Living room, bathroom, kitchen."
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Timbers of Fennario
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Jan 20, 2018 - 12:00pm PT
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You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Jan 20, 2018 - 06:44pm PT
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A Fresno's family beloved Pitbull "guard-dog" died of old age.
After a day, dad tells mom, "I'm going climbing for a few days." "Go buy a new Pitbull to protect you & the kids, while I'm gone." "And give it to me for my birthday."
[Click to View YouTube Video]
It won an academy award!
With a running time of only two minutes thirty two seconds, it is the shortest animated short film ever to receive an Academy Award.
What are you bitching about.
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BigWall Chris 101
Trad climber
Vail
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Jan 22, 2018 - 06:40pm PT
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A mushroom walks in a bar, asks for a beer. Bartender says, sorry we don’t serve mushrooms. Mushroom says, Why not? I am a Fun Guy.
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BigWall Chris 101
Trad climber
Vail
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Jan 22, 2018 - 06:49pm PT
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What do you get when you put a Vest on a Alligator?
A investigator.
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BigWall Chris 101
Trad climber
Vail
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Jan 22, 2018 - 06:51pm PT
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If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and you are American when you come out of the bathroom. What are you when you’re in the bathroom?
European.
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BigWall Chris 101
Trad climber
Vail
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Jan 22, 2018 - 06:53pm PT
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Did you hear that Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce?
Yep, it’s true. Minnie is F*#king Goofy.
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BigWall Chris 101
Trad climber
Vail
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Jan 22, 2018 - 10:48pm PT
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I was making it short. Nature wants short ones. And my long version is better then yours, anyways. It’s not because Minnie is Mentally Isane. it’s just that the judge told Mickey and Minnie they needed a reason. There has to be a reason. You can’t get a divorce for no reason. Mickey told the Judge he did have a reason. Minnie is f*#king Goofy.
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frank wyman
Mountain climber
montana
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Jan 23, 2018 - 11:07am PT
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A young guy is sitting in a bar when a 60 year old lady walks in and asks him if he wants to go and have a good time at her house. He says he will pass on her offer. She says "have you ever had a wild mother,daughter threesome before?" Guy says "well now you got my attention" So they go to her house and when she opens the door she yells out "mom are you awake?"
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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Jan 26, 2018 - 11:24am PT
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I spent some time at my wife's grave today.
She thinks I'm digging a pond.
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labrat
Trad climber
Erik O. Auburn, CA
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Jan 26, 2018 - 12:39pm PT
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^^^^^^^^
Like!
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jan 26, 2018 - 02:58pm PT
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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Rhino sitting next to him.
"Are you a Rhino?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The Rhinoceros replied, "Well, I liked the book."
They leave the theater and go into a bar for drinks.
The Rhino falls down dead drunk after a couple of boilermakers.
The man gets up and starts to walk out the door.
The bartender says, "Hold on, mister. You can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says, "That's not a Lion. It's a Rhinoceros."
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onyourleft
climber
So Oregon
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Jan 31, 2018 - 10:09pm PT
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A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a Shih Tzu.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jan 31, 2018 - 10:46pm PT
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Two takes on that for me!^^^^
--Blew Kazoo
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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'Do not touch' must be one of the scariest things to read in braille!
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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There are blind skydivers. They can tell when they're near the ground 'cos the dog's lead goes slack......
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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Well, not so short.......
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.It can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses, you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
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the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
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Why are gorillas' nostrils so big?
Well have you seen the size of their fingers!
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climber bob
Social climber
maine
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what's the leading cause of pedophilia ? sexy babies
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