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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 12, 2011 - 03:42pm PT
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Just wrote a long reply. The internet ate it! Pissed now. I will do it again later.
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urasenke13
climber
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Mar 13, 2011 - 05:34pm PT
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Hey Buddy.
Planning a trip up north in April, 14th-23rd. I would love to see you if it works out, either on the way up or on the way back, whichever works out best for you. No need to make plans or anything. Just keep it in mind and we will see how it goes.
Much Love!
Nolan
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stilltrying
Trad climber
washington indiana
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Mar 14, 2011 - 02:20pm PT
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Hey Paul, hope you are doing better today and just wanted to drop you a note. Last Wednesday I tried my first yoga class. I really enjoyed it and it is obvious I need to do it often. It was only four girls and myself. It was at lunch time where I work so i gave it a go. Pretty hilarious. I am 5'10" and a solid 235 lbs. The girls were all 5'1" and flexible. While trying to hold myself up with one arm with the other arm pointing up (sort of sideways) I fell through the adjacent doors next to me :) Anyway I thought about you a lot during the workout and how graceful and strong you must be to hit some of those positions in your photos. Flexible I will never be but I will work on it. Take care.
Mike T.
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Pastor Dave
Social climber
Yucca Valley, CA
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Mar 15, 2011 - 12:25pm PT
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Hi Paul, understand your frustration from having your long post "eaten" by the internet but hope you feel up to posting about your latest visit to the Dr. soon. I am always concerned when you aren't writing, especially since you got me started with sharing my journey on my "trip" thread. BTW I just posted the story of how Terri walked into our lives so many years ago. Would love to have you add any comments, positive or negative, about how you felt about that unexpected addition to our family. It has taken me a long time to sort out my own feelings about a lot of the events in our years together in our unique? ( don't know the best discriptive words)family. The same goes for your brother and sister. they too are welcome to jump in with their memories of those tumultuous years of your/their "childhood". Somehow it seems easier to share some things in this environment.
Love to you and Ruth
Dad
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Jan
Mountain climber
Okinawa, Japan
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Mar 15, 2011 - 12:28pm PT
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Three days now with no news from Paul.
I've been so taken up by events in Japan , I didn't realize it had been that long.
We definitely could use some disaster masters over here about now!
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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 15, 2011 - 03:08pm PT
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OK. Last time I tried to post, the net ate it. I have been off line a bit. When there is no change there is no sense in talking about it. This is a climbing site, and all I have to offer sounds like a geriatric ward...talk of bowels and appitite and TV.
I seeem to have been stagnant lately, both inside and out. Ever since the hospitalization my gut has been on the blink. Just last night I finally felt half human again. It has been a month of vomit and tears; swearing and fits. I feel like a tired man half way through a marathon. You have got to be kidding me...I'm not done?!
Any more info would be TMI, but suffice it to say I am battling my gut, attempting to regulate. Today I felt the absence of a few lumps I felt in my abdomen for the past month. I thought they were tumors, but it turns out they were likey lodged waste. I have thrown up nearly daily for the last month. Today, I feel a bit better.
I could continue to whine, but that's enough.
More later, Pal.
(Jan, Thank you for your gift.)
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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 15, 2011 - 03:12pm PT
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Oh, yeah. The UCSF visits went OK. I am still on the program. The Tumors have stopped growing. But the big one is still a problem. they think I might need surgery for it. But that might make me inelligible for the drugs I need!@?
So, for now it is regulate my gut, hope the groin tumor shrinks and then...????
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Mar 15, 2011 - 03:35pm PT
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This is a climbing site, and all I have to offer sounds like a geriatric ward...talk of bowels and appitite and TV.
You should not feel that way. This is a climber'S forum (not a climbing forum) and you are a climber, so anything that you post is ON TOPIC--and more interesting then most of the posts here. Also, I watch for your posts and when you do not post I worry.
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okaythatsme
climber
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Mar 15, 2011 - 06:28pm PT
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This is your connection and part of your outlet. Your words offer much to all of us. Please don't feel self-conscious about writing whatever is on your mind.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Mar 15, 2011 - 06:32pm PT
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We're pulling for you Paul. Keep fighting!!!
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Mar 15, 2011 - 06:35pm PT
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Shake out, breathe, and stay on belay!
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Brian
climber
California
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Mar 15, 2011 - 06:55pm PT
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This is your connection and part of your outlet. Your words offer much to all of us. Please don't feel self-conscious about writing whatever is on your mind.
Hear! Hear!
We're pulling for you Paul. Keep fighting!!!
Ditto.
All the best,
Brian
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 15, 2011 - 06:59pm PT
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hey there say, disaster master... just stepping in, too, to see how you are faring, in the ol' sea of trouble that you have been in...
may the "gulf of better fishing" etc, be yours soon... and may you enjoy the joys of "catching" up on life, for the days you have missed and "hammered by bad waves" ...
god bless to you!
:)
thanks for popping up here, now, so we know how you are...
:)
edit:
ooooopppps, :O i have suddenly turned you into a sailor, instead of a climber....
hmmmm, climb that mast, and set your sites on some good stable land to climb onto and hug for new-land-to-love joy...
there, is that better, ;)
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JOEY.F
Gym climber
It's not rocket surgery
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Mar 15, 2011 - 07:20pm PT
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Hi Paul!
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Pastor Dave
Social climber
Yucca Valley, CA
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Mar 17, 2011 - 02:12pm PT
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Paul and Ruth: Here is the link to the Wilshire Oncology Clinic I emailed to you.
PAUL: Keep Climbing! You have never allowed a fall to stop you from going back and trying it again and agin and again.... YOU ARE THE MASTER OF ALL DISASTERS! We all believe in you, KEEP FIGHTING! Get out of the house do some Yoga, hit a climbimg wall, Remember who YOU ARE!
Love You!
Dad, AKA Coach and Motivator.
AKA Pastor Dave
AKA Biggest fan
Check out:
http://professional.womgi.com/cancer-news/
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SCseagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Mar 17, 2011 - 02:27pm PT
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Hi Paul, Thinking of you..drinking my cuppa tea, had my post chemo scan yesterday. Won't know the results until the 25th. Anxiety tick tock clock. So it goes, Susan
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Disaster Master
Social climber
Born in So-Cal, left my soul in far Nor-Cal.
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 18, 2011 - 07:44pm PT
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PAUL: Keep Climbing! You have never allowed a fall to stop you from going back and trying it again and agin and again....
True. But I am TIRED! When I can't eat when I want to and can't sh#t when I need to and everything hurts, a second wind is hard to get. Especially in between bouts of vomit.
I am very down. I never stay down. But while in it, it often seems quite complete and assured that hell is all there is left. And I am loud, never one to hold anything in. So I feel like a black squall and must simply let myself blow out eventually.
I would love to go for a walk or climb, but the fear of spontanious upset stomach and major fatigue make the walk across the trailer seem long and hardly worth the effort.
None the less, I must try again. VERY hard to motivate now. I wanted to make it to J-Tree in a couple weeks, but health may not allow it.
I have been invited to give a presentation for the local climbing club in Santa Rosa, CA in a month and a half. I hope I can keep it together enough to pull something good off. Things like this should be simple. They were fun and exciting in the past for me. Now every little thing in life seems an effort, a gamble, or a big unknown.
My disease is confusing me. It seems that the meds have just slowed down the dying instead of heading towards a meaningfull level of living. We will see.
In my darkest moments I think I don't wan't this kind of life, but would likely screw up trying to end it myself anyway. So...no choice. On I go, f*#king hating it more times than not. So dissapointed about the slaps and kicks I have received over the last # of years.
On I go, damn it,
Paul
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Pastor Dave
Social climber
Yucca Valley, CA
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Mar 18, 2011 - 11:37pm PT
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Paul, I know you are working hard at getting your mental focus and YOU WILL SUCCEED! The talk in six weeks may help you focus. By then we hope/pray for encouraging progress in the next complete Scan. Praying that the Doctors can do something about the tumor. Anger is not bad, even Jesus got angry!
Rooting you ON!
Dad
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hooblie
climber
from where the anecdotes roam
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Mar 18, 2011 - 11:41pm PT
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I hope I can keep it together enough to pull something good off.
a very close partner of mine passed as a result of bile duct cancer. many lessons were shared in our halcyon days,
i think even more so during his last six months. he had many friends in his community
but he narrowed his world to the few of us he allowed to care for him.
you can be certain that sharing with us, and just letting us be with you
on whatever level, in whatever setting is a very good thing for all.
the best kind of win is with eyes wide open
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