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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Norm, we want jokes, not facts.
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norm larson
climber
wilson, wyoming
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OK an old junior high classic then.
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they stink and they are ugly.
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Bushman
climber
The state of quantum flux
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Nov 22, 2017 - 03:10pm PT
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Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
...because it was over 90°
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the museum
Trad climber
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Nov 22, 2017 - 05:58pm PT
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How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
the museum
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Nov 22, 2017 - 06:37pm PT
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A black man, with a pegleg, pirate hat, eyepatch, & a large parrot on his shoulder, goes into an uncrowded tavern & takes a seat at the bar.
The friendly bartender walks up, takes his drink order & after bringing the drink says:
"That's really something! Where did you find it?"
The parrot replies,
"Africa, there's millions of them over there."
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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What do you call a white duck?
A quacker.
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Timbers of Fennario
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Why did Helen Kellers dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Baauuhh!"
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yosemite 5.9
climber
santa cruz
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Dec 10, 2017 - 06:16pm PT
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I hate being bipolar. It's great!
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throwpie
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Dec 10, 2017 - 06:20pm PT
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Bartender: can I get you a drink?
Jesus: waters fine.
(Jesus looks directly at camera)
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Dec 10, 2017 - 06:51pm PT
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Then of course, that brings up this classic cartoon.
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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Dec 10, 2017 - 08:06pm PT
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Ah Fritz, you know how to push my Kliban buttons...
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Winemaker
Sport climber
Yakima, WA
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Dec 12, 2017 - 06:49pm PT
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Two drunks were walking down the railroad tracks.
One drunk said, "Man, these steps are close together."
The other drunk said, "I can handle the steps, but why did they make the damn handrails so low?"
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Dec 12, 2017 - 07:14pm PT
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Ghost! Kliban got a little obtuse at times, with his humour.
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hamie
Social climber
Thekoots
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Dec 13, 2017 - 11:06am PT
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What's the difference between onions and bagpipes?
No one cries when you chop up bagpipes.
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Bushman
climber
The state of quantum flux
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Dec 13, 2017 - 02:11pm PT
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Why did the farmer get rid of all his chickens?
He wanted to be impeccable...
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Dec 15, 2017 - 06:23pm PT
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From my British joke connection.
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “ Perfect timing. You're just like Frank “.
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'
Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'
Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'
Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'
Cabbie: 'There's more ... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'.
Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'
Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'
Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f---ing widow.'
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Dec 15, 2017 - 06:32pm PT
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Finally, three decent ones in a row without some crankloon politard BS!
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nature
climber
Boulder, CO
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Topic Author's Reply - Jan 12, 2018 - 08:10am PT
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Eight years ago I never imagined this thread would still be going this strong. There's some quality jokes in this thing. Good work everyone. Keep it up.
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frank wyman
Mountain climber
montana
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Jan 19, 2018 - 12:16pm PT
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Did you hear about the guy who bought Neil Diamonds Volvo on E-bay.....He got a "Suede car on line"
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Jan 19, 2018 - 01:02pm PT
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No, but I heard one about a dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.
What's red and smells like blue paint?
That's a riddle...sorry.
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