Sobriety (off topic or not)?

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Jaybro

Social climber

Wolf City, Wyoming

Feb 19, 2012 - 08:02pm PT

Physical activity helps me even things out Terrie. Today I started 326 inverted sit ups below my ytd quota. Right now I'm 71 in, 255 to go. I'd hurl for sure if i started boozing now. Going on 2yrs sober next month, blowing that would be worse.

Go to the meeting, I'd go with you if I was there, even though I don't do that generally. Stay occupied, maybe go for a short run tomorrow. I find it looks better in the morning.
Good luck!

Rox, even for you, that was a new low.

happiegrrrl

Trad climber

www.climbaddictdesigns.com

Feb 19, 2012 - 08:49pm PT

holy crow, 326 inverted sit ups a day at age 71 (I think thats what he said)

no wonder you can climb off widths!

Haha - stumbled into the wrong thread I guess.

I am at the AA meeting and others are staring to show up.

Really - I DO NOT need to hear a WORD about relationships right now. It is very painful. What would be helpful - really - REALLY - is people talking about THEMSELVES and not me. What I need - really - is a hug. And the closest I am going to get that today is from some stranger after this meeting.

Off I go to.

tradmanclimbs

Ice climber

Pomfert VT

Feb 19, 2012 - 09:01pm PT

happie, one thing is absolutly a certainty. getting drunk or high never makes the lost love fall back in love with you. It just makes you feel like sh#t and do stupid self destructive things... that is my story and i am sticking too it. BTDT too many times...

happiegrrrl

Trad climber

www.climbaddictdesigns.com

Feb 19, 2012 - 11:11pm PT

I see that the comment I thought was from another thread was in response to Jaybro's advice - oops. I guess I wasn't paying as close attention as I should have been. Thanks Jaybro, for the advice.

You are likely right - I need to keep my mind occupied. One thing I have always allowed myself was plenty of alone time, because I feel I need it. But I realize right now that in my alone time, I also tend to live inside that same fantasy world I did as a child. Most people would say one should "sit and feel the feelings," but maybe right now that's not what is good for me.

Callie - I did see your post before, and I am sorry if my words made you take it out. I know you mean well and you are one person who I can actually stomach hearing those sorts of things from, because I know that you worked hard to get where you are,

Lois - You are so off base I wouldn't know where to start. I am connected. I see and talk with people every single day. And no, it is not a menopause thing(though I am probably getting into perimenopause). It is a lifelong string that I have worked on. It is not about something that is happening "today" or this month or year. It is a continuum of something that has been with me since probably about 8 years old, if not earlier. It's just that - after 40 f*#king years - how in the hell can I tell myself - again, to pick up and dust off? I know that I have to do that, and the thought sickens me because I am pret-ty sure I am just gonna get the smackdown again.

I did go to the meeting. I had to. It was okay, and it did help. If nothing else, it means I will be staying awake longer tonight and thus not waking up, as I usually do, at 2 in the morning, and having that consciousness that I do at that time.

Largo

Sport climber

The Big Wide Open Face

Feb 19, 2012 - 11:23pm PT

Service. And Al-anon. That will really calm your nervous system.

happiegrrrl

Trad climber

www.climbaddictdesigns.com

Feb 19, 2012 - 11:57pm PT

No, Lois. It is that I get to a stage where I can allow myself to be vulnerable, to risk trusting someone else, to risk asking for and/or accepting love. It is like the Universe says "You need to trust. Go on. Try it....." And then I timidly find a way to do it and when I do, Smack. It is almost as if the Universe is going "Wow. She fell for it again!"

I am going to go to sleep now. Tomorrow is another day.

nita

Social climber

chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.

Feb 20, 2012 - 12:12am PT

Happie, so sorry to know you are struggling....

I hope tomorrow is the start of better days...

yep, stay busy, and help someone out in need...

it puts the focus elsewhere.

sweet dreams....

take care...

xo
nita...

tradmanclimbs

Ice climber

Pomfert VT

Feb 20, 2012 - 06:36am PT

Get rid of those pills. Bad juju.. If they are perscription for pain BFD, get rid of em anyways and live with the pain. its better than getting hooked on meds.

Norwegian

Trad climber

Placerville, California

Feb 20, 2012 - 07:34am PT

im gonna drink today,
i drink everyday.
drinking is the way,
the truth and the lie.

happiegrrrl

Trad climber

www.climbaddictdesigns.com

Feb 20, 2012 - 10:53am PT

im gonna drink today,
i drink everyday.
drinking is the way,
the truth and the lie.

(sober variation, inspired by....)
im gonna live today
not drink the day away
drinking was the way I missed
the truth behind the lie

I have a question for those who come to this thread and wax poetic on active alcoholism. What is it that you are trying to tell us - the ones who have been there, done that?

Get rid of those pills. Bad juju.. If they are perscription for pain BFD, get rid of em anyways and live with the pain. its better than getting hooked on meds.

I am assuming that is for someone else, but just in case(since all I am thinking about right now is me, me, me....) I don't take pills. I don't drink, smoke, take prescription or non-scrip drugs, cut myself, starve myself, barf up the pain through food, pick up people for casual sex. Hell - I don't even cut people off in traffic anymore.

Lois - I know you are trying to assist me, but it is almost comical. I know I have been vague as to the exact nature of my issue, but I can tell you it is NOT that I have been sleeping with someone and gave away the goods prematurely. By the way - did you see the post(s) I made where I said I did NOT want "relationship advice?"

Last night was uncomfortable, but I made it out alive. I had wanted to go to see the Cactus Pricks at the JT Saloon. I knew at least Todd would be there. And I like their music. And I go to the Saloon several times a week, sit with a coffee and work online for hours, without even thinking anything like "Hey - there's booze in this place. And I could have some." Or "Gee, those people are drinking; wish I could." Pretty much the only thoughts, alcohol-related, I have in that place is when a red-nose drained dear man starts talking to me with a slushy accent, and I think something like "You have zero chance, dude." Or compassion for their drunkeness, mixed with gratitude those days are in the past for me.(At least they are up to now.)

I decided it would be a risk not worth taking, to go inside last night, even though I was pretty sure the chances were low I would drink. The chances were low, but it was not a sure bet.

Today I will go to a Woman's AA meeting a lady told me about last night.

This segment of my life is not an easy row for me to hoe. It is - without doubt - the most pain I have ever felt in my life. And I have had this pain for about 2 years, unable to get past it. I do not, in honesty, believe that even if I am somehow able to surmount whatever it is that brings me to this place, time and time again, that it won't come back and smack me with a new variation.

I think there is something inside me that is damaged beyond repair. Like my vans rust. It ain't gonna go away. But the van still runs, even with the rust.

Drive on.

Hardman Knott

Gym climber

Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca

Feb 20, 2012 - 11:12am PT

What's up with the disappearing posts?

Wishing you well, Happi.

Norwegian

Trad climber

Placerville, California

Feb 20, 2012 - 12:32pm PT

happie,
why?
that's easy...

insanity sounds better outloud.

Norwegian

Trad climber

Placerville, California

Feb 20, 2012 - 12:45pm PT

please,
sorry if my insanity crowds
yours sanity,

all mental states should
be allowed their intercourse
for in weaving together
our imagined existences

we tailor time's suitors.

Hardman Knott

Gym climber

Muir Woods National Monument, Mill Valley, Ca

Feb 20, 2012 - 02:11pm PT

This thread has been LEBotomized™.

bvb

Social climber

flagstaff arizona

Feb 20, 2012 - 02:33pm PT

This thread has been LEBotomized™.

I love how she makes her random appearances. This particular intrusion is so archetypal -- how she continues to offer up her offensive, um, "insights" to Happi with total disregard for Happi's repeated requests -- both explicit and implied -- to stfu. LEB is a textbook example of her kind. Her posts revolve primarily around her pathological need to talk about herself.

bvb

Social climber

flagstaff arizona

Feb 20, 2012 - 02:55pm PT

Lois - I know you are trying to assist me, but it is almost comical. I know I have been vague as to the exact nature of my issue, but I can tell you it is NOT that I have been sleeping with someone and gave away the goods prematurely. By the way - did you see the post(s) I made where I said I did NOT want "relationship advice?"

happiegrrrl

Trad climber

www.climbaddictdesigns.com

Feb 20, 2012 - 03:22pm PT

Thanks for all these posts. I have only read a few since my past post, as I need to go to that meeting in a bit. I will come back later on though.

Coz - I hear you. But one thing I do NOT want to do is drink line a normal person again! I gt a belly laugh outa that one. Thanks for the smile. I saw my grandmother die from alcoholic, living on the ocuch and getting up only for a drink. I saw what it did to my mother - made her so unable to cope with others she could not make a phone call to a service company. I saw myself in that continuum, and what would be in store for me. The ghosts of Drinking Past, present, Future.... I am like Scrooge. I GOT reborn. I GOT a second chance at life. How many people - REALLY - get a second chance to live life over??? Drinking is the sacrifice asked for from the universe for that new life.

It is a good deal.

Norwegian - Carry on!

Roxjox....

come up and I'll introduce you to my guys and you can begin to relearn how to push that limit a little without killing yourself or becoming a lush

No, but thanks anyway. (oy veh)

Lois - I did NOT get knocked on my ass by some guy in the romance dept.... For crying out loud. Stop already. I am not you. While this issue DOES contain a guy, a guy that I love very much, he did not treat me poorly. He was not a romantic partner. And he is NOT an as#@&%e(and I am not in denial on that, as some would probably feel).

Nita - Thank you for your kind words.

Well - I need to get going. This is all helping me, everyone. I just need a little safety net right now. Thank you for being here.

tradmanclimbs

Ice climber

Pomfert VT

Feb 20, 2012 - 06:47pm PT

LEB, This is an important thread for recovering alchoholics.. you don't belong here, you do not help. leave or keep it down to a dull roar please. thank you.
Nick

bvb

Social climber

flagstaff arizona

Feb 20, 2012 - 07:09pm PT

Not half as alarmed as she is about the things you are posting, dumbf*#k. Was there anything at all ambiguous about her last request to you? I've been in way, way deeper trouble than anyone else posting to this thread -- at least, among those who are still alive -- and if I had to endure your asinine observations about my life I would have been far less polite than Happi was in asking you to please leave. You are a seriously damaged individual, LEB, if you simply cannot leave her alone here.

Since we all know that you are simply and utterly physically incapable of not responding in this thread, would you please direct whatever reply your uncontrollable fingers are going to make to me? And leave others alone, as they have asked?