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Mary Absolon
climber
Edina, Minnesota
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Sep 21, 2007 - 11:49pm PT
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Yesterday was stormy in Minnesota.
I was driving up in Northern Minnesota on the roads we would travel as children. I thought of days gone by at our grandpa Bendix's cabin at Batson near Big Fork, Mn where Pete, Fritz, John,Martha and I learned to fish and fire a rifle. We loved it. It was the outdoors. We were happy even with the misquitos!
When driving the winds were strong, there were tornadoes, heaving rains, flooding, hail...
This morning we saw a rainbow. I haven't noticed rainbows til recently. Then I thought of Pete....Thx for helping me "see" the rainbows that have been around and the new ones that are now in my life.
Missing you always.....dear brothers Pete and Fritz...
Love,
Mary
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Molly Doran
climber
Bow, WA
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Sep 22, 2007 - 06:33pm PT
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Dear Molly
The other night I was a member of a panal presentation on a hot topic locally. I didn't want to be there because this topic is so charged. I wasn't feeling well either. I grudgingly took my seat and pulled out my notebook with the questions I was to answer and lo and behold, there was the NOLS Instructor's Newsletter which had just arrived in the mail, with a great picture of Pete seemingly enjoying putting up some horrendous route. It made me smile and suddenly my discomfort in the moment didn't matter anymore. I quietly said "Thanks Pete"
I miss you and love you
Molly
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climbluedog
Trad climber
AZ
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Sep 23, 2007 - 05:33pm PT
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Hi Molly- (and Avery)
I just returned a few days ago from my first horsepacking course in the (western) Winds....it was awesome... Our course leader is a NOLS veteran (20+ years), so yes, we shared about Pete at one point. And I was reminded of him several times on the course. Today, i went to a new church here in SoCal, and they lit a candle for "peace" but it my mind, it was for Pete (peace, too...) Courage and comfort in each step you take, 'K? ...Lisa Evans
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Ords
Mountain climber
Bridgton, ME
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Sep 24, 2007 - 10:02pm PT
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Dear Molly,
We've been remembering Pete a lot. Please don't think people aren't thinking of him due to traffic slowing down here. Maybe, they/we are thinking now more about his life, rather than his death. And what a life legacy it is! My heart breaks with sadness for you, but I hope TODAY (as I learned from LT) was okay.
Many hugs,
Laura (& Stefan too)
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Molly Absolon
climber
Lander, Wyoming
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Sep 25, 2007 - 12:44pm PT
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This past weekend Michelle Escudero, Kathy Brown, my sister Ann and I hiked into Leg Lake and the base of the cliff where Pete was killed. It was a beautiful day—the aspens were gold and the willows red. When we set out the sky was clear and blue. We hiked the route that Pete and I always took (which it turns out is NOT the easiest, but that was typical for us...). The base of the climb is raw, new land. There is still old glacial ice just below a skim of jagged, loose rocks. But the climb itself looks beautiful. I found Pete's hat among the rubble there. It was comforting to find it...but sad too. We built a cairn and left three red roses, a prayer scarf, a sage bundle and a candle. The red roses are significant because Pete thought that the only kind of flowers you ever give were red roses....
The weather changed on our hike out and now today three days later when I look up at the Winds they are covered in snow. So our cairn is buried and the flowers frozen.
I hope Pete is okay wherever he may be. I hope he is the stars or the rainbows... But I wish he were here. The cliff is so vast it just seems impossible that he could have been hit by a single rock. I don't know what to make of that. But I know asking why doesn't help in the long run so I'm trying not to go there though it is hard.
Once more I thank you all for continuing to write or call. It helps more than you can know to feel that support.
Molly
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Dorsey
climber
East Lansing, MI
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Sep 25, 2007 - 07:49pm PT
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Molly -
I am overwhelmed and in awe of your last entry. The rawness of the picture I have in my mind of you arriving at the base of that cliff...and to find Pete's hat...move me to tears. I think of you and Avery every day, and look for rainbows when the clouds roll in.
Love, Dorsey
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Lynn Morrison
climber
portland, or
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Sep 26, 2007 - 01:26am PT
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Molly,
I check the site nearly every day and want to write, but think I'll have nothing earthshattering to say, but i want you to know that:
I think of you every day, many times per day..and I'm still crying about the loss of Pete....and about your loss.
I know your journey is and will be so hard and so long...life can be so hard..
the experience has made me relish the lovely moments that happen in a given day, just sharing a great laugh with Amos and telling my family how much that I do love them..thank you for that gift.
i am so glad to hear that you made the journey into Leg lake before the winter and you made the journey back out again, another step, just one step at a time.
i send all my love and healing thoughts to you and Avery each day, hoping your heart continues to open slowly and you keep moving forward
many blessings
lynn
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Michelle L. Escudero
climber
Lander, WY
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Sep 26, 2007 - 04:36pm PT
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I felt nothing but deep privilege to accompany Molly into Leg Lake Cirque. The day was magnificent in many ways and as hard as the rock that makes the Winds one of the most beautiful places I know.
Molly led the way—a bouquet of red roses sticking out above her daypack. She was focused and on a mission. I was so hoping to have a vision, to see Pete, to hear his voice, something, anything. Okay, I admit it, I was hoping for a full-on Gabriel García Márquez moment.
Pete left Molly a sign—the funny blue pile hat.
Along the way we stopped and shared chocolate, smelly cheeses, and fruit. As we headed up to the cliff the wind blew with the sound of a freight train. Clouds raced above. Molly is my hero—she was strong, brave beyond what I would imagine. She walked up to the cliff as if arriving at a meeting—one steady foot after another—ready to do what she needed to do.
The moraine is so young feeling—the ice dirty and old. There is a beautiful slab of grey granite at the base of the climb, a foot thick and three feet long. We fumbled around, Kathy finally took the lead as we built a cairn; sang a song; read a poem; lit a candle; burnt sage; cried. The noise in my mind over and over again, “Why? Why Pete? Why here? Why now?” Hallow questions with no answers.
I left three sand dollars that I found as I wondered a Maine beach after receiving the news of Pete’s death. The small one was whole; the medium one was whole; the big one was broken in half and had a slice missing that I couldn’t find. These shells had traveled too far to break during the hike. Was that it? Was this my sign? No rainbow. No sunset. No stardust. No ghost from the past.
As we left the cliff the sky turned gray and rain fell. The heavens cried with us. As we walked out we knew we had done a good thing—honored Pete in the right way. Our feet carried us while our minds wondered not noticing where we were going.
Now what…we carry on just like Molly—one step in front of the other—because that is all we can do.
Michelle Escudero
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Andy Blair
climber
Lander
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Sep 26, 2007 - 06:02pm PT
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Hey Molly,
I had a really good time at the sweat the other day. That type of thing is a little out there for me but it was good to be there with you and all those friends and relations.
I'm looking forward to getting to have you and your mom and Avery over for dinner next week, so as to have more than just a few minutes at a gathering to chat.
Your entry about going up to Leg Lake was really striking to me, especially the part about finding Pete's hat. Linked with the sweat that created a really spiritual feel.
During the sweat I kept looking for some sign of Pete. To see some vision or glow. I asked for him to give us some sort of sign and kept waiting. During one of the breaks, while I was lying down inside the lodge, a small spider started climbing up my leg. I didn't take much notice as it climbed around and out of sight. I had completely forgotten about it until suddenly it stepped into my eye. My reflex was to brush it away but I immediately thought "Pete? Is that you?"
See you soon,
Andy
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Sep 26, 2007 - 06:12pm PT
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hey there... dear molly...
i had heard about that bad weather form a friend in minn. and as to your quote:
"when driving the winds were strong, there were tornadoes, heaving rains, flooding, hail..."
i am so very glad you and kids were safe... and had your special ride...
i just heard how you were fortunate to be the one to find pete's hat, and how you set out the roses... sorry to hear they are frozen, as the weather changed... would be nice if you were allowed to plant a local "wild rose" there, huh....
god bless... may the good lord continually be with you...
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Mei Ratz
climber
Lander, WY
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Sep 27, 2007 - 03:15pm PT
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Dear molly...
keep hanging in there...
my coach the other day told us a quote..."if you want to be good, you have to want it bad" - i want everything to be okay badly....but i know that someday, because we've fought,...things will be good....not the same, not like they were, and maybe not as close to our hearts....but we will be good.
here's to being good someday.
Love you.
Mei the CSU Rammie.
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Elizabeth Fricke
climber
Missoula, MT
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Sep 27, 2007 - 04:12pm PT
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Molly,
I wanted to write and tell you how much you and Avery have been in my thoughts. I have only met you a few times up at Sinks, but Pete was a mentor of mine at the school. I recall talking with Pete last November at the "Winter Rendezvous" in Driggs about transitioning into motherhood and all that meant (I was pregnant at the time with our daughter, Shelton). He was singing your praises and helped me realize that you could still be a mom and a climber. Eventhough I do not know you, you have been an inspiration to me in how a NOLS instructor, climber and mom can strike a balance in their life.
I also recall seeing you, Pete and Avery up at Sinks with Avery swinging on the rope below "Bloodline" and "Bush Doctor" and Pete saying to Avery, "...Okay, Daddys got to send now..." and then walking up "Bush Doctor" with little effort and a huge smile on his face. Pete was such an inspirational leader, climber, parent and partner.
As Pete was describing to me at the TVB how awesome of a mother and climber you were, his face lit up as he talked about the two most important people in his life.
Keeping you in my heart and thoughts.
Love, Elizabeth Fricke
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Hampton
Social climber
Tucson, AZ
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Sep 27, 2007 - 06:05pm PT
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Hi Molly,
I just returned to this forum to see how things were going. Since Pete passed away I also lost an uncle. I have been thinking alot about the cycle of our lives. Sometimes, it feels like we are just carried along by this invisible current without control over where it takes us, but then I think about the lessons I learned from Pete and my uncle. Lessons that they were not consciously passing on and how I hope to put those lessons to use. I know that in using what I have learned from the people who are important to me I'll keep those lessons floating high on that current.
Bridget and I just had our baby. I was afraid of being a parent, I doubted if I could be good at it, and if I would like it. Bridget has never had those doubts, she would always remind me to look at Pete and Avery. Following her advice did alot to put my concerns at ease. I expect that as she grows and we learn to be good parents that you and Pete and Avery will remain close in our thoughts.
Hampton
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Mary Absolon
climber
Edina, Minnesota
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Sep 27, 2007 - 11:09pm PT
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Dearest Friends and Family...may this bring you comfort.....
Hopi Prayer
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry:
I am not there, I did not die.
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inhisfootsteps
Sport climber
the heart of WY.
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Sep 27, 2007 - 11:49pm PT
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Molly and Avery, friends and family.
Youre still in my prayers every day, and you will be for many days, weeks and months to come. I know how hard it is to loose someone that important to you, trust me. But just know that I am still thinking of you guys.
Love and prayers,
Becca
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LT
climber
lander
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Sep 28, 2007 - 09:20am PT
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Dear Molly,
Often we think that our job as parents is to protect our children from hurting and pain. But it is in the struggles and painful times that we learn and grow the most. Really, we can't protect our children from all their pain anyway. And truly, they and us, become better, stronger, wiser, when we come through painful times. It is just hard for us to watch them suffer. And we suffer as well, when our life goes a way we did not choose and we are forced to deal with it.
How do we learn? Grow wiser? Learn compassion? Understand truth? We feel thankful when things are going well in our life. But we don't ask "WHY?" when things are going well. We don't tend to ponder the big questions like "What does this mean? What is my role in life? What is the meaning of all this?" when we are happy and rolling along. We will say prayers of gratitude and feel thankful for our good fortune, good health, happiness but we don't tend to look beyond that, to analyze, question, ponder. We think perhaps that it would jinx the good luck by questioning it too much.
So when things go "badly" (if there really is a "good" and "bad"), we are brought up short in shock and start questioning... "whoa! why is this happening? what is this for? why me? why now?" And the questions may lead to asking "What am I supposed to learn from this?" and that is when our understanding begins. The tough times in our lives teach us how strong we really are, expose our weaknesses, what we most care about, what we are truly grateful for in our lives. Tough times teach us to let go of the control we think we have, to lean on others for help, and to understand that we are all in this together.
So.... when things happen that shock us awake, it is an opportunity, should we choose to accept it, to really grow in understanding. What are we to learn from this? And who are we becoming now? Ah, those are wonderful questions to begin to ask.
With thanks and gratefulness and love,
Namaste
Lantien
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Katie Markwell Adkins
Social climber
Seneca Rocks, WV
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Sep 29, 2007 - 09:44am PT
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As I sip some hot coffee here at mom and dad's in Seneca , watching the sun come up over the majestic rocks I thought of the climbers and Pete, and that the rocks are what my father made a living from. And that no matter how many times I see the rocks they are still one of the prettiest sights I've ever seen.
Mom and Dad called me the day after they got the news. I was quite sadden and thought to myself...Pete what a great guy....he and Topper are the two guys that I remember the most from being on the porch of the Gendarme as a little girl w/ dad (John) as he worked and chatted w/ climbers.
Pete built our swing set in the back yard, he was over to our house for THursday night dinner, that mom (Helen) would cook for the "guys at the shop", during climbing season , my dad ripped a tendon in his finger dancing with Molly at their beatiful wedding on top of a mountain (I was too young to remember exactly which mountain) and I remember the pic of Topper, Mike, Tony, John gregory and Dad (John M) and others all posed w/ Pete overloking the valley below as a new life for he and you was about to begin. These are just a few memories that I have of Pete.
Today, a clear and crisp morning here at Seneca and beautiful as always, made me think of the mornings I would be at the shop with dad as a young girl. I can remember as the guys would be getting their gear ready for the day's climbs, and as they walked toward Roy Gap rd... the clanking of the gear...and these memories made me want to send me greatest sympathies to Molly, Avery, and the families. Molly and Avery my thoughts and prayers are with you.
With love and prayers,
Katie Markwell Adkins
Not really much of a climber, ---although I guess I should be since it is in my blood, just enjoy the outdoors.
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Johnny K
Mountain climber
Lander, Wy
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Sep 29, 2007 - 10:54am PT
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Molly-
John and Maggie co writing this-
We've both had difficulty posting to this site without fully understanding why. Perhaps the timing, disbelief, publicness etc. We both find however that we keep returning to read the postings and wisdom of our good friends and community and that we experience and find something positive from it-grace, thoughtfulness, love. And so we feel compelled to join.
We've discussed what would we want to hear or know if we lost each other. In the end it's simple: we'd want to hear that while one is gone, we will see each other again-(and in the time/space continuum it really won't be that long). We both really believe that, and we believe it for you and Avery. We can't say when or how you'll see Pete, but we both believe you will.....wholeheartedly. Unfortunately none of us know how all that works-save Pete.
In the meantime the collective pain of this community will still be here and we all need to deal with it in our ways and you in yours-always thankful that we still all have each other today.
All our love-the K's
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Molly Absolon
climber
Lander, Wyoming
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Sep 29, 2007 - 10:57am PT
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I came over to Jackson and Teton Valley yesterday to see friends. I was surprised at how hard it was to see the Tetons. I kept thinking of climbs and ski adventures Pete and I had done there together—it was as if every peak brought back some memory of hiking in the dark, posing for a self-timed summit shot, drinking coffee in the predawn darkness, racing the weather, running down the trail trying to get out in time to eat sushi in town, climbing or skiing. I haven't been climbing as much for myself in the last few years—mostly I climbed to be with Pete. Sport climbing in Lander was a way for us to be outside together and hang out with friends, but we would go into the mountains together to renew our partnership. It reminded us why we were together. We liked working hard as a team and being out in beautiful places. I'm not sure how climbing is going to be for me now. Part of me wants to push myself to get back into it on my own so I can be a competent partner without relying on Pete. But then part of me looks up at the mountains and thinks that it is too painful for me to go up there without him.
I once read this Sylvia Plath poem where she described her children as hooks that kept her in the world. I have thought of that a lot lately as Avery forces me to keep my head above water rather than sinking down into the darkness that lies so close to the surface for me right now. It is Avery's gift to me that she makes me see that the world is still beautiful although it is hard for me to fully appreciate that beauty right now.
I continue to thank you all for being out there.
molly
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Mary Absolon
climber
Edina, Minnesota
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Sep 29, 2007 - 10:57pm PT
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I've had a rough couple of days....missing Pete.
A friend passed on some special words of wisdom....
"Happy feelings will attract more happy circumstances.
You can change your emotion immediately...by thinking of something joyful, or singing a song, or remembering a happy experience."
So...while I was just about to get into a "sad, missing Pete funk", I thought about Pete & that he only gave red roses. I wondered where he learned this. Mom told me, "That's what your father always did."
Thank you Pete for taking the sweet things in life and living them out in your life. I am thankful that you made flowers a wonderful, happy experience filled with love for your dear Molly & Avery. Red roses will always mean the love you have for them.
Love Your Sister,
Mary
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