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dikhed
climber
State of fugue and disbelief
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As I go through this thread there are some funny ones
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad that Donald Dick isn't gonna be president?
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frank wyman
Mountain climber
montana
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Went to the local bar with my wife last night. The locals starting shouting "PEDOPHILE!!" at me, Just because my wife is 22 and I'm 60... It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary...
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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Two Idaho men walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their farming operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the Idaho men looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The Idaho man strides over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the man walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.
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zBrown
Ice climber
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Good joke and short too. What Trump has in his hand a the urinal.
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rockermike
Trad climber
Berkeley
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Jun 30, 2016 - 09:43pm PT
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mcreel
climber
Barcelona
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Jun 30, 2016 - 11:33pm PT
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Molecule says to the bartender "I think I just ionized!" Bartender says "Are you sure?" Molecule says "I'm positive"
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clifff
Mountain climber
golden, rollin hills of California
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
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Fritz
Social climber
Choss Creek, ID
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What's the difference between beer nuts & deer nuts?
Beer nuts vary widely in price, but deer nuts are usually under a buck.
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Larry Nelson
Social climber
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Donald was having trouble in school and his teacher was always frustrated with his behavior.
One day Donald's mother came to school to see how he was doing. The teacher told her honestly that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never had such an unmotivated and lazy boy.
Donald’s mom, shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with irreversible cardiac disease. Her doctors all strongly advised her to have open heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform.
Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was remarkably successful.
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw the handsome young doctor who headed her surgical team smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk.
Suddenly her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something, but she quickly died. The doctor was shocked, wondering what went so terribly wrong.
When the doctor turned around to leave the room, he saw that Donald, now a janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.
And you thought Donald was the doctor?
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dikhed
climber
State of fugue and disbelief
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some really good ones but that wasn't one of them
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Larry Nelson
Social climber
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OK try this one
Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the Shadows.
'Twenty dollars' she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck,it's only twenty bucks, So they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a police officer.
'What's going on here, people?' Asks the officer.
'I'm making love to my wife!,' Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know'
'Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, til ya shined that light in her face.'
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dikhed
climber
State of fugue and disbelief
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^^^^^YES! Good one
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Anywhere I like
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What do you call a girl with no arms? Sarah
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Anywhere I like
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An Irishman is sitting in a pub. A flamboyant Brit walks up to him and whispers in his ear, "How about a blow job?"
Irish fella beats the sh!t out of him, throws him into the street. bartenders asks, "What did he say to you?"
"I don't know. Something about a job."
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Anywhere I like
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You hear about the blond with the vibrator? She chipped her tooth.
What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Cause he was a woman! Hey!
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originalpmac
Mountain climber
Anywhere I like
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How many Texans does it take to light a barbecue? Who gives a fvck. Fvck Texas.
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August West
Trad climber
Where the wind blows strange
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Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
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August West
Trad climber
Where the wind blows strange
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Jesus, Muhammad, and the Buddha walk into a bar.
The bartender glances up and the goes back to cleaning.
Bartender looks up again, stares, goes back to cleaning.
Bartender looks up and stares for a long time.
Finally the bartender says, "OK guys, what's the punch line?".
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Nice!
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