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Gene
climber
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Marry her and be like the rest of us.
{{{{Just joking, Dear}}}}
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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hahaha! Gene nailed it! =)
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hafilax
Trad climber
East Van
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The only way to a reasonable living situation is if one of you leaves. It's passed the point of reconciliation.
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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Ju know ju just got to choot dat piece of chit, maing! Other wise, anudder qualude and she be back in da morning!
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rockermike
Mountain climber
Berkeley
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Wrong answers all, IMHO.
Whenever some is accused of being "passive aggressive", its usually because someone else is being blatantly "aggressive" and the quiet one is left speechless in the face of such abuse.
I don't know either of you so don't take this personally. Maybe she's a c*nt. Or maybe you aren't listening to the obvious and are being a dick all the time thinking its her job to yell at you to shut the f*#k up, or don't invite guests without clearing it or whatever....
Listen more (even if only intuitively) and accuse less is my advice.
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crazyfingers
climber
CA
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...just be glad she's not your girlfriend/wife, sit back and smile!
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Except SM mentioned the person has already ruined relationships with all the others around the house.....
In any case - Passive-aggressive wouldn't include yelling freak-out fits, as was described about the movie incident. A P/A, "thinking" someone had been talking about them, would react by making under-the-breath remarks tangentially related to the imagined offense. Or doing something like spilling a caustic substance on your climbing gear, apologizing disingenuously over-the-top profusely and then adding the tangentially related remark....
Nor would they bark "No!" to a request for a meeting. They'd do something like say they were busy right now, had to check on some thing to know if they would be available later and then would never get back to you. Or, make an appointment to have the talk and then some "catasrophe" would strike that precluded the event, like they'd be at the corner store and lose their keys, wallet, etc. and do a "woe is me, how can you think about your own problems when I am in such crisis" charade.
If she's histrionic, I'd suggest it's more Borderline Personality Disorder, if you want to go clinical. Or just someone with extremely poor interpersonal skills.
At any rate, one cannot change others, but only themselves. SM says he's already confronted the person and gotten no resolution/explanation/compromise. It's doubtful another talk will be successful.
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slobmonster
Trad climber
berkeley, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 5, 2008 - 12:03am PT
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Too bad, it's a beautiful home. We had got along relatively swimmingly until recently. She had found some dog pee in her room (marking behavior) and it's either my dog, a small female Heeler mix, or the other dog, a larger male Rottie mix. My guess is the latter, but it matters not. And then my dog got skunked, and, well, if you've ever had a dog get skunked, you know how it smells PRE cleaning, DURING cleaning, and even for quite a while AFTER cleaning. She seemed to blame the dog vs. skunk incident on me, and me entirely. Again, I felt terrible, but not much I could do about; can't go about un-skunking our neighborhood (they're everywhere, and OAK animal control is impotent).
Etcetera and so forth.
We'll see what happens. The *last* time I asked her to talk, she was busy studying. Same now. She's in an intense grad program, granted, but it seems obvious that these concerns are at the bottom of her list.
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Raydog
Trad climber
Boulder Colorado
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be careful,
if there's an irrational/mental health issue
you may be unprepared for how badly this could turn
IMHO, you have rights, a paralegal might help.
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marky
climber
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I'm not sure I'm up to the challenge of imagining something more passive-aggressive than complaining about a roommate on an anonymous Internet forum.
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Moof
Big Wall climber
A cube at my soul sucking job in Oregon
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If nuts are passive, does that make tri-cams passive-aggressive?
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
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maybe passive progessive, no?
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
sorry, just posting out loud.
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wildone got it right.
;)
one less adult on the thread.
:)
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slobmonster
Trad climber
berkeley, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 7, 2008 - 01:34pm PT
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update!
aforementioned housemate still has not spoken to me.
I emailed her yesterday with a request to clean her old food from the fridge. "Your cheese is now good for only the French."
so forth and so on (still emailing), I ask her if she's planning to vacate, I also offer to do so myself, we would just need to communicate about it.
response:
"I take the time now to tell now you're heading down a bad path with
recent communications. I'm asking you to stop. This will be the only
time I ask you to stop, before I escalate matters."
I've emailed her twice in many weeks, and in person only told her "we need to talk."
She also tells me that I'm a "big guy" and that's she feels intimidated. However, this lass is the one who has been verbally abusive towards, well, everyone involved, at one point or another. I'm sure you get the drift of the above, she's now threatening me with some unmentioned penalty.
Whopp dee doo.
Any suggestions from the gallery?
I'm calling the landlord today, might try and break the lease.
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L
climber
The salty ocean blue and deep
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Slob,
You might want to step carefully here. A friend of mine was telling me about this whole sub-culture of attorneys who look for people just like your P/A housemate. He's got a friend being sued to $300k because of "intimination" bs, and the HOA wants to settle to just get rid of it.
If she's got stuff in writing, you might want to be sure to back up anything you've written with non-intimidating backstory.
You should also be documenting EVERYTHING that happens between you and her, and anyone else who has conflicts with her. I know it sounds like a pain in the arse, but there are a lot of hungry shark-suit attorneys out there that could make your life miserable.
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purplesage
Trad climber
Bend, OR
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Moving out ASAP would seem to be the most prudent thing to do here. When the cops come she'll be convincing them that YOU are the one with the problem. These bi-polar nuts can be really dangerous when cornered.
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slobmonster
Trad climber
berkeley, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - May 7, 2008 - 02:44pm PT
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workin' on it. luckily --and with some irony-- the landlady is pretty understanding.
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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purplesage has some good advice, dude. Bail! Run! Remember, you live in California. You can be taken to jail at the whim of a female that you've pissed off. All she has to do is say you shoved her. There doesn't have to be evidence, at all. You'll be in the back of a pig mobile and headed to jail and the biggest nightmare of your life.
Tread carefully.
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valygrl
climber
Boulder, CO
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roadtrip
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Nefarious - not be hijack, but....really? Without ANY evidence? Jail?
Quite a different deal than here in NYC....I remember seeing something in the paper a year or so ago about a lady, wife of a cop, who was found dead. He became a suspect, which was reasonable, considering there were records of her having called 911 on several occasions. each time the police came, no action was taken....
edit: the girl does sound like a nut though, and her implying an 'escalation' does seem to be something I would take as a serious indication of trouble coming. I'd do as has been suggested - move, document, and avoid interaction with her as much as possible.
For all you know, she may even see a hostile act in you cleaning out the moldy fridge food! I once did the dishes of my, less than fastidious, roommates and in the process threw out a quarter of a completely dried lemon. The roommate let me have it with both barrels, saying she had fully intended to use that, sitting on the counter for 3 days, lemon segment.
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