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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Nov 21, 2014 - 10:37am PT
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empathy, karen.
my spirit is currently so deflated
that i'm not able to imagine.
in your case the guy sounds quite weak.
in my case i destroyed the relationship
between myself and the right girl.
accountability is a bitch.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Nov 21, 2014 - 10:53am PT
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i've always admired your stride, Dingus.
do you to dream in burning butterflies?
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WBraun
climber
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Nov 21, 2014 - 04:48pm PT
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Such bullsh!t ^^^^^
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MtnDeb
Mountain climber
Bishop, CA
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Nov 21, 2014 - 05:27pm PT
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I was with the love of my life....or so I thought....for several years and although our marriage wasn't perfect, I was floored when he just packed up and left while I was at work. Coward. Turns out he was f'ing another woman. As life would have it, best thing that could have happened to me, he took the "trash" when he walked out. I never knew how unhappy he made me until he left. I was blinded by the fantasy of what could have been with him and never opened my eyes to what a horrible person he was in many regards until I was free of him. I am now having the time of my life and could NOT be much happier.
Hang in there!
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Nov 21, 2014 - 05:52pm PT
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Karen- looking back on my earlier post it was obviously weird. I was tired after a long day of travel. Apologies. I feel your pain and you have my best thoughts. Life goes on. You are strong and will get through this.
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Sport climber
moving thru
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Nov 21, 2014 - 06:03pm PT
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Wonder if there are any statistics on who breaks more hearts and screws up more lives, men or women?
Another wondering thought, It appears to me that men of any age, even totally out of shape old crass males can always get a women, especially if they have the coin.
Question: Do women "settle" just to have someone in their life to take care of things?
Jess watchin' lives play out and wondering. L.
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Karen
Trad climber
So Cal urban sprawl Hell
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 21, 2014 - 06:18pm PT
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Lynne, good question and curious myself what others opinions are.
Today sucked!!!!! No matter how much Cognitive Behavioral Therapy I used on myself, didn't help. Yes, I know it is going to take time....
Forgot about the stages of grief and the validity of them. This year has been one of loss, first my Mother, then Pat Nay and now this....and truthfully, still grieving the loss of Woody Stark.
Well, the rock ain't going anywhere and I am just counting down the days to get back on it!!!
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buzallen
Trad climber
Palm Desert
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Nov 21, 2014 - 08:10pm PT
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I'm a year and a couple month out from being dumped (technically a divorce) via email after a 7+ year relationship. I kept hearing people tell me to look at it as an opportunity and for a while it pissed me off but it's ended up being the truth. I've learned a ton about myself, met new people, gone on dates, been accepted, been rejected, felt like hell as well as felt on top of the world.
It may sound funny but I think later in life I'll look back at this time as a great time as I was really experiencing life and really feeling in ways I hadn't in a while. My only regret in the process was not eliminating contact with my ex sooner after she left. I clung on and kept the door open for a few months too many and that prolonged the pain.
Dating has ended up being fun and I've met some great woman but I'm also totally fine on my own also. That's been one of the great gifts was really getting to know myself again and having my life to myself. It has been nice to take off for a few days without having to check in or tell someone what I'm doing. Also, in my case, my ex was not a climber so I've been able to climb more than I had before.
Anyway, never posted here but saw this thread and it's a topic that's been in my head a lot today.
Just put one foot in front of the other when it hurts and don't stop moving. Best of luck to you.
Brian
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i'm gumby dammit
Sport climber
da ow
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Nov 21, 2014 - 08:43pm PT
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Get hammered.
Take a few days off work, bring home some crates of vodka and citrus additives...and start some serious drinking....don't kill yourself, one strong drink per hour, for 72 hours straight, supplemented with calisthenics and music
The inebriated brain will guide you and put this catastrophe into complete perspective and quiet remission Technically, alcohol is a solution.
When I got dumped I threw myself into climbing, which was a new sport for me. When I had noone to go with I went alone. This was probably stupid (given my lack of experience) but also let me test and push myself as far as I was willing to go. Anyway it was really anything to keep my head occupied, and being scared shitless definitely kept it occupied.
If I had two pennies they would be this
1. The pain sucks, but it means you're alive.
2. Dogs are awesome.
This probably depends upon your situation, but I was never over her until I slept with someone else.
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Kalimon
Social climber
Ridgway, CO
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Nov 21, 2014 - 09:13pm PT
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Sorry about your situation . . . unrequited love is the worst . . . almost, that 300 lb. boss banging the dude's girl sounds like the worst. Anyway, where were we Karen? Oh yes, best of the best to you . . . you didn't need that particular guy anyway . . . you don't need anybody or anything to define you and your personal happiness.
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martygarrison
Trad climber
Washington DC
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Nov 21, 2014 - 10:33pm PT
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Karen, I've been dumped. Long term girlfriend from twenty to thirty. Hurt like heck. Best thing ever to happen to both of us. This is such a cliche but my father told me me this during that time, "time heals all wounds". It holds true. I don't need to wish you luck, you are going to motor pass this dude. Marty
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Mungeclimber
Trad climber
Nothing creative to say
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Nov 21, 2014 - 11:01pm PT
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Positive vibe post here.
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clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
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Nov 21, 2014 - 11:22pm PT
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She had an app on her phone called "Where's my Droid" since she was always losing her phone. I invoked it and went and found her...through the window I could see her f**king her 300 pound boss! Ouch!
TMI, but at 300lbs I have to ask what position?
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Delhi Dog
climber
Good Question...
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Nov 21, 2014 - 11:28pm PT
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Lots of kindness being shown here as well as some funnies.
Hang in there girl, you'll survive.
And welcome Brian!
Solid first post.
cheers
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Nov 21, 2014 - 11:31pm PT
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Dump him back!
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Dingus McGee
Social climber
Where Safety trumps Leaving No Trace
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Nov 22, 2014 - 04:25am PT
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Karen,
therapy for some is along Rgold's line of listening to music but choose Country Music over Rock & Roll as rock may be too upbeat for the situation. e.g Cecilia by Simon & Garfunkle.
When the tune is playing empathize with the protagonist and you may soon feel you are nohow in as bad a shape as this poor lonesome & lost soul you hear song of.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Nov 22, 2014 - 04:54am PT
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hey there, say, karen...
oh my, i had not seen this yet... but, say, i DID see your post of this, at facebook, and put my heartfelt words, there...
trying to get over, being dumped... or, being without a loved one, that you cared for, for whatever reason... well, it really seems impossible and haunting, to ones spirit and there to drag hopes of any 'happy joined future', down... but:
one must hold on to this... YOU will not dump yourself... you have the ability to support and honor and love yourself, as a human, and as a good loyal friend, to those that you love... this makes you a treasure...
treasure is hard to find... (i think my post, to you, on all this, WAS about treasure, now that i post this)...
learn who you are and and how special your life can be, as you build it in a way, so that none will tarnish your heart and spirit...
like what was said in this quote:
The fact that you loved (and were loved by) our dear friend Pat Nay is clear indication you are very special. So hugs.
the one that dumped you, did not see the value in real treasure... he saw the value of his own self... so it is best that he not be in your life...
selfishness does not 'give and take' and work relationships into rich 'treasure fields' of:
two lives that become one, though one with multi faucets of uniqueness,
joined...
be so very glad, that you have a chance to get over this, now, while you are young... it would have been so worse, later, down the road...
hugs and prayers, to you... take a new step each day, to learn who you
are, and what your life can do now... :)
takes a long time, to redo the 'field and crops' but good fruit will come, after some time...
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donini
Trad climber
Ouray, Colorado
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Nov 22, 2014 - 07:14am PT
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Alcohol is not the answer, it's a depressant. Climbing and other exercise is the way to go. Sounds trite, but time does heal all wounds.
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