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Bruce Morris
Social climber
Belmont, California
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Oct 27, 2013 - 12:23am PT
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Sounds like being a 'pimp daddy' is infinitely preferable to being a married man. Your 'baby mama' stays upstairs at home and takes care of your no. 1 son and also disciplines the other girls in your 'crew' if they start talking trash or fighting. Meanwhile your 'bottom bitch' is working full time at the local 5-star hotels bringing in $2000+ a day doing rich computer nerd johns and white businessman tricks. Then you have a couple of 18-21 y.o. escorts-in-training who only work occasionally while they're building up their skill sets under your expert supervision. Back at home, when they're not servicing their 'pimp daddy', the younger girls in your crew can do the laundry, vacuum and garden to keep the place ship shape. Maybe they can all get into a fight over which one gets to feed your pit bull, Bruno? Since they all love and adore their 'pimp daddy', they give him every penny they earn and do everything they can to please him heavy 24/7. Make them all sign an LLC for photographic services and pay the State and IRS so there's nothing illegal going on. This lets you live like a king with a late model luxury car in the garage for driving your girls to their work spaces across town in de luxe style. Only problem is that you keep having to audition a new set of money maker girls off the street as your veterans wise up and run off with fat old 'sugar daddies' who adore them and place them on retainer.
And you thought marriage was complicated! Just remember: "Pimping ain't easy!" Felonious pandering is a heavy charge and packs a 5-to-10 year sentence. You also get to register as a sex offender. Such a deal!
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SCseagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Oct 27, 2013 - 12:46am PT
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Ummmm....I had simply expected him to keep his pants on instead of getting a mutual best friend pregnant. Hence my son and his half brother are only 7 months apart.
Post script: My former and I stayed together for a few years after. Then he hung out with his other son's Mom for awhile. The boys are now 22 years old and after the initial "WTF" everyone remained very civil and enjoyed a lot of shared events and family-like stuff. The boys are very close as brothers.
Susan
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Oct 27, 2013 - 12:50am PT
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I felt like I took a chance doing so.
What chance is that? The chance that truth might be revealed?
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Oct 27, 2013 - 12:55am PT
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Susan, Thats crazy sounding!
But where it is now sounds rad!!!
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SCseagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Oct 27, 2013 - 01:10am PT
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Susan, Thats crazy sounding!
But where it is now sounds rad!!!
I think what helped was we were all "older" (late 30s, early 40s) and realized that hanging on to all the hurt, pain and resentment would have been toxic to these two beautiful boys becoming loving brothers.
Susan
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BLUEBLOCR
Social climber
joshua tree
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Oct 27, 2013 - 01:13am PT
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^^^ Thats right! And it's wierd how with all the differences, we are all family..
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Anastasia
climber
Home
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Oct 27, 2013 - 01:23am PT
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I understand those friends not telling their buddy that his wife was cheating because... No one likes to be "the person" that has to spill the ugly. Plus I think most people deep down just hope one of the fools wises up and just stops the madness, simply stops being a stupid idiot, low down, cheater. We want to forgive, forget and move on. Problem is the one being cheated on really would like to know, in fact it's essential for their own well being. That's hard to see from the outside when your own life is not being invested.
I for one... "Shaking my head" have been cheated on, lied to, played and put in some interesting situations. Why trust? Because I trust myself and I will attempt it, test, and test until I find that person who gets it.
I believe I have pulled that off. Maybe... One thing for sure, time shows everything. I know the risk is worth this kid. I'm already a winner if this is all I get out of this.
As for those that have regretted divorce... The only people I know that do are the one's who did a big mistake, learned from it, wanted another chance. The rest are usually happy to be rid of them.
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SalNichols
Big Wall climber
Richmond, CA
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Oct 27, 2013 - 01:46am PT
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There were friends that knew that my wife was cheating on me that never said a word until after she left. When I found out, from them, that they had known...I cut them out of my life completely. For my friendship I expect a little damn loyalty.
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wilbeer
Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
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Oct 27, 2013 - 07:49am PT
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Sully,thanks for that.
Yes ,Trust,I am working on that.
Anastasia,I am still somewhere between your feelings and Sal's.
Myself,I have always had to earn forgiveness.
Regret ,on the other hand came damn easy.
Time does show everything.
SC,you are extremely hard to dislike.
Cheers.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Oct 27, 2013 - 10:49am PT
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hey there, say, all...
well, first, to wilbeer... say, please always remember, when someone does what she did--it is THEM that were wrong, not you...
you still have and keep that value, as a person and do not lower yourself to be bitter... think, pray, or talk it out and let yourself feel good and clean inside, :) you will be glad and your future will be brighter then... however, it takes a longggggggg time for emotional pain to go away...
i know... :(
but, as for me, i had a hand-hold on the ol' heavenly realm, there and prayed through my hard times... :)
well, then, as to the topic:
i have never regretted... the door opened after some long traumatic emotional wierd-control type insecure and long list of stuff on the ex's part, as to how he was... it was just not normal to keep this pace anymore, no matter how good a wife one is... :( when i just did not know what to do anymore the floor gave out,as the roof caved in, and i jumped ship, :O and well, god caught me...
the kids, at this time were all grown up but for one mid-teens... it was just time...
i do not regret the marriage, either, as i had wonderful children for near 23 years, and i always wanted to be a mom and wife...
but it was not nice, what it turned into, as to what the kids did not see:
and now, sadly, though, they never believed anything was not quite right with the dad's 'philosophy etc' as to woman, --they believe their 'happy home' fell apart, 'cause i left and made the daddy very sad, and he drank more than he did EVEN before... :O
you can't try to explain what folks do not want to believe, so, it is left at that...
no regrets at all, not even though it is sad about the kids and the grandkids not seeing me--it feels so good and so clean to be free of a kind of mud that wants to suck you down into and make you think there is no such things as normal love, respect, and honor...
good words, good deeds, good things... integrity and so much more, NEED to be in a marriage... and it will only be there through good true honest out-reach between each other, as to the inner-self...
:)
wow, there are so many shares, here, i need to go back, later and read all this...
i sure hope if some others are going through divorce, that it will turn out well, many do not... and some turn dangerous...
:(
note:
the step grandkids here, just went through a family divorce...
second time for one, and first time for the other and second time for another... though--the parents did it with as much help as they can, for the kids, and are not fighting, and are keeping the love equal to the kids, as before--but the kids know:
it hurt, and it feels odd, and their home fell apart into two homes now...
so far, they are getting through this, and trying to understand it...
and--it was mainly due to alcohol--the wives of the dad, just couldn't keep the pace... :( you really can understand, too, if you know any hard-core or long-term alcoholics... it wears everyone down, :(
well, i reckon i said all this, so that if you are getting divorced
PLEASE work with the kids, and don't neglect any of their feelings, please, DEAL with them constantly, 'til the children are older and can fly-solo...
and--if you don't regret the divorce, that is more proof that it was
NEEDED... and healthy!
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Oct 27, 2013 - 10:59am PT
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hey there say, lambone... oh my, sorry to hear all this...
will be praying for you trail, as to whatever comes next, as you go through this...
also, hoping and praying for the best, for you, norwegian...
have not read far enough back, yet, but i felt the sadness in some of this, and the resolve, in some, as well... so i came back to post, early...
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James Wilcox
Trad climber
Goleta/Virginia Lakes
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Oct 27, 2013 - 11:36am PT
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There does seem to be the point in every marriage at about the seven year point where your commitment is really tested. If you can power through that one the following years seem easy.
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k-man
Gym climber
SCruz
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Oct 27, 2013 - 12:55pm PT
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Does anyone ever regret getting divorced?
I suppose those who remarry the same spouse might have some thoughts on this.
For the most part, you don't see couples who have divorced hanging out together after they divorce.
For me, I waited a *long* time before I proposed. Now I'm excited to get married. This is it, a one shot deal...
Before I met my sweetheart, I'd meet women who would say they'd never go out with me because I'd never been married--I didn't know how to commit, they'd say.
They never got the irony when I asked how their divorce went.
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SCseagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Oct 27, 2013 - 01:20pm PT
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SC,you are extremely hard to dislike. Thanks Wilbeer
I HATE what you and Lambone are going through. That numb feeling with ice water flowing through your veins. That horrific tossed aside feeling.
I wish you both fast speed through this time of impossible heartache. The shift can feel unbearable at times but it does seem that eventually equilibrium returns.
Susan
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rottingjohnny
Sport climber
mammoth lakes ca
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Oct 27, 2013 - 01:53pm PT
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Wonder how many people are lurking in fear on this post ?...RJ
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Anastasia
climber
Home
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Oct 27, 2013 - 02:04pm PT
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No one likes being rejected. What I find funny is some folks sabotage their relationship, do exactly what their partner told them will cause them to leave/break up with them and then... Be angry that their partner actually does walk. It's pure egotistical madness.
One guy who knew I wanted kids, that was my dream future told me point blank after a year that I wasn't someone he wanted kids with. Well, that made our relationship pointless in one shot. For some reason he still doesn't know why I left... (Giggling) Seriously, beyond a few other flaws man, that was a home run for the game.
I don't understand why some guys don't get the obvious and get mad at me for not sacrificing my goals, what I really want in this life. That's selfish and that isn't relationship material.
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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Oct 27, 2013 - 07:38pm PT
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All things for a reason. If it doesn't work out or you get dumped, its because there is someone far better for you out there. Don't let it get you down, instead go find the girl of your dreams! hell yeah!! She is waiting for you guys...just got to go find her. and she probably won't be in a bar waiting for you, in case you were wondering.
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Anastasia
climber
Home
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Oct 27, 2013 - 09:23pm PT
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Jim,
I think it either works or it doesn't. The reasons are really just excuses and should be left alone... Well, until they vilify you then all bets are off.
:)
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SalNichols
Big Wall climber
Richmond, CA
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Oct 27, 2013 - 10:38pm PT
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Having bought an Aston Martin for "our" relationship therapist, I have come to believe that we ALWAYS see the red flags. We make the choice to ignore them, for whatever reason. Seriously, how many of you who "were surprised" hadn't secretly been considering your own options, but just hadn't acted? Healthy relationships just don't end in a surprise. My marriage ended after 14 years with nary a note. My 10 year relationship with a movie producer was a frigging disaster from the outset, yet I fought tooth and nail to save it, to my own detriment...because I had been "trained" that "it's what you're supposed to do". I mean, what a g-damn waste of 10 years of my life!
Listen, unhealthy relationships, (and you know damn good and well if you're unhappy), are not worth the grief. EVERYONE involved, you, your mate, and the kids and pets, deserves a peaceful life without the drama.
As bad as it may feel in the immediacy, you'll soon find yourself much happier. Even alone, you'll be better off than you were suffering in silence or worse.
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wilbeer
Mountain climber
honeoye falls,ny.greeneck alleghenys
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Oct 28, 2013 - 12:14pm PT
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Thanks for your kind posts, ALL.
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