Discussion Topic |
|
This thread has been locked |
Wretchedalan
Social climber
Wisconsin
|
|
You'll need Les Nessman reporting from the meadow...
Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!"
With a followup by the OP doing his best Art Carlson...
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!"
|
|
toyon
climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jun 5, 2012 - 12:23am PT
|
FanCat! Yes! Oh how I have missed thee.... straight up thiswebsiterules.com stupidness. pre-pre YouTube. Good stuff.
|
|
splitter
Trad climber
Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
|
|
Just read the OP's first post and nothing else, although i'm sure this whole thread would be a stimulating learned experience and fascinating read but, sigh, unfotunately i don't have the time. Regardless, i will attempt to shed some light/help with the questions he poses.
1). Foster Farm chickens are NOT what they are cracked up to be(smarts wise). Yeah, they might taste pretty good, but IQ wise, well, they all have about the same IQ = bird brains! So don't get suckered into springing for/paying extra bucks for a FF chicken.
2). If you have any down items(parka/puffy/vest)don't let the chicken see it. Lock it in your trunk, out of sight. They aren't THAT dum!! They know that it is filled with, FEATHERS! Just put two and two together...how would you feel if it was kin of yours in every pillow/puffy/down vest, etc.?
3). Put some farm music on your CD player(if you have one). I'm not talking about "Old MacDonald Had a Farm." that would be a dead giveaway. Any respectable chicken would pick up on that before you could say cockle doodle do(no pun intended). Something with typical farm/animal sounds. A rooster off in the distance would be a big plus. This would set the chicken at ease, feel at home.
4). At the gate, tell the guard yer going to visit Werner. Hey, hopefully you will get to see him off duty, around C4, etc.! So you won't be lying, eh? That will do it. Yes, the ranger at the gate will look at you, look at the chicken, hear that the both of you are going to visit WB, and that's that. Everyone knows that WB is a vegetarian and has equal respect for all life, so, the guard will not want to insult WB...end of story. He will let you and the chicken in the gate.
5). Same goes for any rangers you run into on the way to the trailhead. WB is legend in Yose, and they don't want any trouble.
6). Tell the chicken it is not smart enough to be a FF chicken. It will do everything you tell it to after that(try to impress you/show how smart he is). i have watched every one of those FF commercials with the phoney FF chickens, and i have them(chickens)figured out pretty well.
7). Tell it that you will be right behind it, and it will jump off of El Cap on its own. It will think it is the fastest way down and the fastest way to the FF chicken ranch(where it thinks you are taking it).
I hope this was helpful! Good luck! And TFPU!!
|
|
kiwi
Trad climber
Bozeman, MT
|
|
back in WWII there was research being done on ways to disperse wheat rust spores onto german crops, you know what was the most effective way to kill the kraut wheatfields? douse a chicken in rust spores and throw it out of a plane at 1000 feet. with all the flapping the chicken outperformed all the man made devices.
This project never went into effect though.
chuck the chicken, it'll survive the fall.
|
|
mouse from merced
Trad climber
merced, california
|
|
I wake up to this crap. After getting drenched yesterday, I gotta go on the so-called defensive.
First, the Foster Farms Company is one of our largest employers here, in Merced County. The mom & pop outfit started in Modesto in the thirties as a turkey hatchery. The big plant in Livingston, the breeding and raising facilities all rely on pretty smart people to outsmart chickens, you bet.
Though the operation is centered in Livingston, one probably finds the shareholders living in Maui or Ouray. It depends on which corporate bosses' skiing you want to support, Californians or Arkansans.
And Splitter, have you never heard of the amazing ripstop geese, a vintage 1970s spoof of synthetics and "natural" fillers? The Amazing Throwpie, they were his idea and his artwork. No doubt chickens recognize contents, but like anyone else desiring to look totally cool while being totally warm, they like to appear stylish, hence geese wearing apparel that is filled with ma and pa. Add a pair of Ray-Bans or Nays and the goose is worth a gander. Geese might like to be tossed off the Schnozz, but let's not go over by Iron Hawk. Comparing geese and chickens is like comparing something to hardly anything.
And let's not for get "My Little Red Rooster" or "Chicken in the Straw" which could be switched to "My Little Free Faller" or "Chicken in the Wind." Of course, "Turkey in the Straw."
Tell the Schmegly that you are a practitioner of Santeria on your way to a service at the gate. Hint that you are ordained.
On the trail, it is on its way to your intended summit for sacrifice. Be very solemn.
Once the bird is your bitch, it should not be necessary to toss it. It should do the lemming. Bird psych 1a. I took that at Merced College. The aggies are taught skills that they cannot use to find work. Fine institution. My a.m. Turkeys, especially, run in "waves," like sheep.
Of course, domestic turkeys might prove more camera-worthy than chickens, though they weigh more and are likely harder to pack. You could run them up to the summit in a herd. Really, now. It would be like the old days when Muir ran sheep or Clarence King watched the Pikes herding swine in the foothills.
There is no Foster Farms "Chicken Ranch." That is an Indian gambling establishment near Jamestown, Chicken Ranch Bingo& Casino. They are known as hatcheries and they don't take them back, it's not a chicken orphanage; and who do you think you are to promise those poor birds paradise? Mullah Splitter? :)
I prefer egg tossing.
Or egg cream.
At the end of this song, pretend you are approaching the ground faster and faster.
[Click to View YouTube Video]
CREAM!
|
|
KabalaArch
Trad climber
Starlite, California
|
|
"Old MacDonald Had a Farm."
In Poland we spell "farm":
E I E I O
|
|
ground_up
Trad climber
mt. hood /baja
|
|
Toss that chicken yet ?
|
|
Phil_B
Social climber
Hercules, CA
|
|
3 pages and nobody has mentioned chicken bingo yet?
|
|
toyon
climber
|
|
|
Topic Author's Reply - Jun 5, 2012 - 06:20pm PT
|
Still planning. I'm pretty damn sure the li'l girl will be fine. The issue remains how I get it up the trail - kinda hard to explain that one away to other tourists.
As far as karma goes, well... it's a chicken. Most of my fellow chicken owning friends have at least one they'd like to get rid of.
|
|
splitter
Trad climber
Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
|
|
toyon- "The issue remains, how I get it up the trail - kinda hard to explain that one away to other tourist."
Dood, have you NOT watched at least one of those FF commercials? Once again, tell it your taking it to the FF Ranch and it will gladly follow you up the trail. As far as the other tourist go, who gives a damn? And Yosemite IS located in Kali(as Roxjok would tell ya)where anything goes! They'll simply think "Oh yea, Yose is in Kalifornia...no wonder!"
Listen, if there is a problem with one of the tourist, look them straight in the eye and just bring up WB's name again. I tell ya, the dood is legend in Yose, even the tourons talk about him around their campfires at night.
Really, bro, yer making waaaay to big a deal about this. Get yourself a chicken and go for it. Be sure to do a TR on it, AND, don't fergit the pic's...take a lotta pic's!
edit: Mouse- "There is no Foster Farms 'Chicken Ranch'."
Duh! Us peeps know that, but tell that to a chicken! If ya wanna be the one responsible fer startin' a riot in every chicken coop across America then go ahead, tell them just that, d00d!!
The FF chicken ranch is what all chickens aspire to. What they dream about at night and have been hearing about from the OG rooster's & chickens since they were chicks. With all due respect to you(since you hail from "Foster Farm Country Central/Merced"), but, yer skating on thin ice my friend. Watch yer lip(around chickens ayway). PEACE!
And furthermore, just ask any respectible chicken, they wouldn't be caught dead in a puffy, down vest, etc! The ones, you speak of, seen around Merced wearing goose down and sportin' "Raybans & Vuarnet's" are on the take(Mob)...be careful, bro!!
|
|
nature
climber
CO
|
|
feed the little hen a half a valium and drop it in a grade six haul bag.
when she comes to.... HEN FALCON!!!!111111169
|
|
the Fet
climber
Tu-Tok-A-Nu-La
|
|
|
Jun 23, 2015 - 04:25pm PT
|
How do you get the chicken from your vehicle to the TH without getting noticed?
Well hiking around the back is no issue. 8 miles in a backpack. If you have to ascend the ropes on the side then it's the same thing the chicken would be in the backpack but he would also be wearing a little harness. And the chicken would be backed up. Basically you'd be carrying a chicken but if anything happened to you the chicken is backed up. It's not like I've ever done it, that just seems like the obvious solution that comes to mind.
|
|
climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
|
|
|
Jun 23, 2015 - 04:36pm PT
|
Now my screen is covered in beer...
You just won the intardnet for today.
|
|
clinker
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, California
|
|
|
Jun 23, 2015 - 06:18pm PT
|
What are you going to do if the chicken ends up stranded on a ledge? Rescue it?
|
|
mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
|
|
|
Jun 23, 2015 - 06:24pm PT
|
The peregrines will deal with it.
|
|
|
SuperTopo on the Web
|
Let us know!