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jschwarz0
Sport climber
Petaluma, CA
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Jan 29, 2012 - 07:21pm PT
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Various yose guides:
Just because you can climb 11a does not mean you can fly!
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jogill
climber
Colorado
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Jan 29, 2012 - 07:24pm PT
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Geology: The boulders are composed of stone
Yvon Chouinard in our guide to the Jenny Lake Boulders ca1957
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Gary Carpenter
climber
SF Bay Area
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Jan 29, 2012 - 07:44pm PT
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From the Croft & Lewis "Bishop Area Rock Climbs" describing Pratt's Crack Gully area:
The namesake and landmark feature of this area is the eerie looking wide crack running up the back of a massive open book, first climbed by the brilliantly bold Chuck Pratt. One hundred and fifty feet long and every inch of it off-width, this route is now seldom climbed, coveted only by the very brave and the borderline retarded.
……In the years that followed, Pratt’s sister crack “Shelia” was climbed and then the four pitches “Rites of Spring”. Both followed burly Yosemite-style cracks as well, but thankfully without any embarrassing wide crack stretches of groping and cuddling.
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yedi
Trad climber
Stanwood,wa
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Jan 29, 2012 - 07:52pm PT
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Isn't it in Roper's guide to climbing in Yosemite " there are many ways to die while climbing in Yosemite"
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buckie
Trad climber
Oregon
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Jan 29, 2012 - 09:26pm PT
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Jeff Thomas, Oregon Rock, A Rock Climbers Guide. Route: Smith Summit East Wall. The entire route is rotten, difficult to protect, and ugly. A true Oregon death tour.
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Brian
climber
California
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Jan 29, 2012 - 09:35pm PT
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"...overhanging, off-fist combat."
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klk
Trad climber
cali
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Jan 29, 2012 - 11:24pm PT
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"a note on ratings: ratings are bullsh#t."
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big ears
Trad climber
?
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Jan 29, 2012 - 11:24pm PT
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"The only guaratee of accuracy for the ratings in this guide is if you are a 5'6" 150 pound male male, with a deformed left heel, a preference for climbing cracks on sunny 60 degree days with relatively low humidity, and your first name start with a "C" and ends in a "Y"
From Clay Frisbie's Arkansas Rock vol 1
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Jan 29, 2012 - 11:30pm PT
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"Dogs have a habit of infuriating bears and flushing out ones which you would not otherwise get to meet."
"Hunters in fall are by far the most dangerous animal in the mountains. Happily they are seldom found more than a few hundred feet from a road."
 Alpine Guide to Southwest B.C. (Culbert, 1974)
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RadDad
climber
Thorp, WA
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Jan 30, 2012 - 12:32am PT
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From Becky's Cascade Alpine Guide for a variation on the North Face of Mt. Index.
"...ascend a steep wall to a large hanging brush patch. Imitate a gorilla through the brush and bear right..."
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George R
climber
The Gray Area
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Jan 30, 2012 - 04:50pm PT
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More Roper
Regarding short-hand terms such as "pins" for pitons:
"The fact remains, climbers are inordinately fond of one syllable words."
G
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Gene
climber
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Jan 30, 2012 - 05:14pm PT
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Even more Roper:
Girls often carry rurps on key chains; it seems safe to say that more rurps are sold for reasons of status than for actual use.
In Yosemite, they [nuts] can be used in approximately 30% of the cases where a piton is required.
In the never-ending search for immortality, the first ascent party dignified this variation with the name "Lancelot."
g
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jahil
Social climber
London, Paris, WV & CA
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Jan 30, 2012 - 05:25pm PT
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The section at the start of Croft's The Good, The Great and The Awesome asking the reader not to fill summit registers full of poetry.
In fact just about everything in that book is a laugh, I just like to read it for the giggles - that its a guide book as well is a bonus.
steve
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jfailing
Trad climber
A-Lone Pine
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Jan 30, 2012 - 05:51pm PT
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Another +1 for Croft's Good, Great, and Awesome - it really does make one laugh out-loud while reading.
There's a section where he's emerging from having just onsight free-soloed Positive Vibrations (I think) during a wind-storm, and describes himself looking like a "bloody baker" by the end, covered in blood and chalk.
The picture of the "7 legged cow" in the Lewis/Croft guidebook is pretty humorous as well...
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Anguish
Mountain climber
Jackson Hole Wyo.
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Jan 30, 2012 - 05:53pm PT
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"Follow the easiest combination of moves to the top..."
This was a description of a post-crux part of a climb on Ragged mountain or the at the Gunks, I think.
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FeelioBabar
Trad climber
One drink ahead of my past.
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Jan 30, 2012 - 05:56pm PT
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"Bold Elegance on a sea of white granite"
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j-tree
Big Wall climber
Classroom to crag to summer camp
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Jan 30, 2012 - 06:16pm PT
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Less funny when I was on the route, but the ST Snake Hike topo finishes with "4th class slabs forever" or something close to that.
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ontheedgeandscaredtodeath
Trad climber
San Francisco, Ca
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Jan 30, 2012 - 06:22pm PT
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Toula's warning about agave spears on AZ approaches- "sucking a brew is better than a sucking chest wound."
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Hard Rock
Trad climber
Montana
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Jan 30, 2012 - 06:30pm PT
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In the "Climber's and Fisherman's Guide to Gilbraltar Rock" (Wisconsin) by Jay Stewart:
The last sentence in the guide: "There is no fishing at Gilbraltar Rock".
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bergbryce
Mountain climber
South Lake Tahoe, CA
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Jan 30, 2012 - 06:32pm PT
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Brushfreak Corner and Brushfreak Direct
2 routes at Echo Lakes in the Carville guide. They are only route names, but they are pretty funny ones.
I've yet to meet anyone who's climbed one of the "Brushfreaks".
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SuperTopo on the Web
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Let us know!