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Captain...or Skully
climber
or some such
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Aug 18, 2011 - 11:41pm PT
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love & like are kin. Sibs, even.
Siblings fight a lot.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Aug 18, 2011 - 11:42pm PT
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I f*#king hate most poems...
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Aug 18, 2011 - 11:45pm PT
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Holy Shit!
Neebee is actually some kind of angel-type spirit guide.
She just blew my mind........
Neebee is like a ....I dunno.......by you do.
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GhoulweJ
Trad climber
El Dorado Hills, CA
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Aug 18, 2011 - 11:48pm PT
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Dude...
Marriage trouble is either money or sex.... Yours is money.... Make more and she'll be nice.
Cheers to you as I tip my glass.
Others on this thread, I don't care if you hate me... Out.
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TGT
Social climber
So Cal
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Aug 19, 2011 - 12:04am PT
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The best I can say is that women have a different relationship to time and space than guys.
yep!
Once our son had a soccer coach that also refereed club level games.
He had a scheduling conflict once and had to leave mid game and was not looking forward to reffing a girls 16-18 game and complaining that the older girls games were the worst for the referee.
I asked him how it could be that bad.
His explanation,
"the boys can take a cheap shot and five minutes later all is forgotten, These girls have been playing against each other since they were 8-10 years old and they are still trying to get even over fouls that happened years ago. They never forget!"
Been married close to forty years. I still hear about ancient inadvertent offenses every once in a while.
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Seamstress
Trad climber
Yacolt, WA
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Aug 19, 2011 - 12:32am PT
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I'm a wife and mom.
I expect that my husband will always treat me with more kindness and respect than he would a paying customer, a colleague, anyone. Don't ever swear and hang up. You wouldn't do that casually with a stranger or a customer. Yep, my husband loses it and swears at me. Unacceptable. He forgets it. It stays with me a long time. Woman are genetically programmed to seek a stable relationship since they are vulnerable while bearing children. Thus we don't easily forgive those outbursts, and we generally don't forget.
Don't ever lie to a mom about her kids. She'll find out eventually, especially because they are old enough to tell her. Raising kids is just like a marriage - it takes two to make it work, and one to veto.
An apology and some sweet words go a long way. I'm sure that you know them - you are married, and I've seen your poetry.
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Captain...or Skully
climber
or some such
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Aug 19, 2011 - 12:35am PT
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I truly dig wisdom. Damn good post right there.
Oh yeah.
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Papillon Rendre
Social climber
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Aug 19, 2011 - 12:54am PT
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"my wife is now threating great heaps of worries upon me,
like, "we'll let the judge decide."
First, from a judicial point of view, you did nothing that a CA family court would regard as neglect.
Secondly, a judge would not "decide" that you were a bad parent due to this incident and furthermore a judge will not decide any custody issue until an evaluation has been completed by a child psychologist. At that point, the judge would follow their recommendations.
Thirdly, in CA, custody issues favor the men as much as they favor the women. Right off the bat, a man is entitled to have his children 50% of the time, unless there is strong evidence that he is negligent or incompetent.
Please do not let this threat worry you. It is baseless.
This too will pass.
-PR
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S.Leeper
Sport climber
Pflugerville, Texas
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Aug 19, 2011 - 01:12am PT
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Only thing I can say after 17 years of marriage is, whatever the issue is that she freaks on, likely isn't what she's really upset about.
amen to that.
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Aug 19, 2011 - 01:21am PT
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Oh man...
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
The Illuminati -- S.P.E.C.T.R.E. Division
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Aug 19, 2011 - 01:53am PT
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Please do not let this threat worry you. It is baseless.
Who cares WHAT a judge might decide? If you find yourself in divorce court you (and your spouse and your children) have already lost.
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Mighty Hiker
climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Aug 19, 2011 - 02:06am PT
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Weegie hasn't posted since 3:20 PM, which I hope is a good sign.
Anyway, a lesson to us all, that it's always important to see both the forest and the tree(s).
And ditto the remarks on divorce court. Some legal paperwork is inevitable in separations and divorces. But avoid going to court if at all possible.
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Papillon Rendre
Social climber
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Aug 19, 2011 - 02:08am PT
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Regardless, GC, there is nothing more terrifying to a parent then the threat of having your children taken from you.
Read his post- "heaps of worries."
My post was not written in regards to the emotional issue, but the judicial issue.
Enough said.
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drljefe
climber
El Presidio San Augustin del Tucson
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Aug 19, 2011 - 02:28am PT
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This sh!ts makin me think, yo.
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Aug 19, 2011 - 03:13am PT
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Damn Weege, I hate it when that happens. If it makes you feel any better, I have been with the same woman for only a quarter of a century and I still do some incredibly insensitive shite, think all along I am right. Right doesn't matter when you are expected to sacrifice.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 19, 2011 - 05:01am PT
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all of my truths collide upon me at once.
i can't lie, or hide down.
im that bright spark in the middle of a universe,
the one reporting my own personal medium-sized-bang.
my wife found me 12 years ago.
i was filthy and homeless by all surface indications.
i drank and climbed and never slept in beds proper.
i had been thru university, while living 'neath the 80 overpass
near sac state. i was kin to the bums whom wandered the rails and trails nearby.
wife and i hook.
i buy some property, spending the heap of money that had been holed up in the rv.
dead money that i'd saved while working interns,
though spending only my dreams.
4 years later we're pregnant.
that year i pretend to be a carpenter and build us a house on our land.
1 year later we're turning our own key to our own recycled front door.
2 babies are borne within our home.
we hold a wake for my wife's father in our home.
i'm working like a skunk through all kinds of dark hours doing engineering for the company.
the money piles upon my spent, utterly spent soul.
i cry dry tears constantly.
i buy a cabin in strawberry hoping that the love of the world will leap back into my heart.
i drink and find my way upon dog-shitte sonnattas. trouble and more.
i quit drinking.
i quit my job.
i take on the home duties with the kiddies.
all is well for 6 months,
the money dries up, the bills get wetter.
i mentor tree work under a respected friend and peer, paul crawford.
i launch off on my own with too little experience but a swollen will.
and the trees begin to fall at my hand.
mostly dead ones.
some live ones.
i'm alive again
and my tears begin to moisten.
all along though i'm shite in my marriage.
the emotional toil that i report here,
has tangible dances too.
and my wife stands idly by, witness and occassional participant.
she's done.
and i've just started.
as a confluence of beauty and hate,
i shyly smile thru the devil's teeth.
mine is now yours.
mine never will be mine, because i cannot clench the rotting bliss.
all of you are kind to
spend your time sharing your thoughts and concerns.
i appreciate each and every whisper between my ears.
your's whispers sound better than mine.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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Topic Author's Reply - Aug 19, 2011 - 05:30am PT
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oh, and stinkeye,
stihl makes the best climbing saw, 700 bucks, that little f*#ker.
husky's are the saw of choice for the bigger cuts.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, CA
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Aug 19, 2011 - 08:40am PT
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Don't ever swear and hang up. You wouldn't do that casually with a stranger or a customer. Yep, my husband loses it and swears at me. Unacceptable. He forgets it. It stays with me a long time. Woman are genetically programmed to seek a stable relationship since they are vulnerable while bearing children. Thus we don't easily forgive those outbursts, and we generally don't forget.
Don't ever lie to a mom about her kids. She'll find out eventually, especially because they are old enough to tell her. Raising kids is just like a marriage - it takes two to make it work, and one to veto.
An apology and some sweet words go a long way. I'm sure that you know them - you are married, and I've seen your poetry.
Seamstress speaks truth about women here. She put it much better than I did.
Listen to her, Weedge. But also take my advice that you have to sit down with your woman and have an honest discussion of what is wrong. Just the two of you. Ask her what is wrong, and make an honest attempt to seek out how to heal your family.
Your family is all that matters. Heal it. Do whatever it takes. Do it for your girls.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Aug 19, 2011 - 11:04am PT
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hey there say, norwegian...
oh my.... you have come a long way from being a loner, to being
a partner... and not just partner, but trying to go a step beyond,
and be part of a cherished union partner, in a marraige...
and to even be a parent..
these are fast hard leaps for a man that was used to being alone...
you've made a huge acomplishement, norwegian... you really have, :)
now, the thing is:
as you know, this has come at huge sacrifice, as to who you were, concerning freedom... however, some freedoms are to our hurts, as, in the past, freedom from responsibility to others, leaves one, many times, unable to understand a real love for others...
you are now in the river of "love for others" and it is a lovely river, though:
it can run fast and deep and swift, at times and be far more rugged than you'd ever imagine... *were-as the past freemdom, you had, you were used to any small pond, large lake, or wherever you "set your self for the night" ... spots of aloneness, with not much conflicts messes up the waters...
perhaps, now, at this hard time, and such a time as seeing from whence you have come, welll, perhaps it would be nice to try and go back into your past (childhood) and find out, or understand who-and-why you had taken such a previous alone trail, and find out if there were any hurts, etc, or things that need healing...
perhaps you could take a good cry with the wife, and share these things... perhaps this may link you both in deeper ways...
understanding WHERE AND WHY someone's life has been built a certain way, helps both parties, in understanding each other behavior... :)
understanding, can lead to compassion and more love, and forgiveness...
step back, in a safe spot, norwegian and take a few more cries and wash out the old pain from childhoos, etc, and from anyother situation that may led you to be alone for so long...
reach out, again, at least this one more try, to your wife, and see how it fairs...
you never know, some seeds of good harvest may be sown...
perhaps this will heal you both...
if not, you will still be on a good trail for healing yourself...
and a good trail will be there for the kids...
and for you and the wife to be friends, and see where the next turn in the bend, leads...
you know, i believe you can do if the time is right...
i do understand that timing is a big part of all this...
it IS hard to evaluate oneself, and fix things and tune things...
just like car, sometimes these things are not seen... it takes the "timeing" of the car troubles, and a worsening of the of the "noise" or "stall-outs" that make one want to stop and do something, before all is lost...
*course, mechanics, that see cars quite often, can sense ahead of time what is wrong...
*even as folks or others in your life, may have seen things, before it was showing so vivid--so--if you have some trusted buddies, perhaps you can also walk through some of this, with them...
god bless...
you can do it... if you set your face and your heart, to make a lovely home, in the "daily step by step lives" as well as the lovely wooden home, you've made in the physical picture...
your love to build your home, shows a love to build...
use this now, to build your inner man...
we are all rooting and praying and sending best wishes for you, norwegian...
test a few different keys, in each situation you have to deal with, and unlock answers, as well... :)
:)
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