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hossjulia
Trad climber
Eastside
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Just to set the record straight, I was not a single Mom, my son's father raised him, and I was not personally offended by leb's rant against single mom's being money grubbers, just thought it incredibly thoughtless.
and if she's offended by a simple fu, well, she's got more problems than I do, lol.
sorry zip.
I am single, but not really available.
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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Sorry Julia, I thought you were a single mom.
Doesn't matter, Lois doesn't see how offensive she is.
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SteveW
Trad climber
The state of confusion
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Callie
Nice way to put it.
How true your statement is.
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dogtown
Trad climber
JackAssVille, Wyoming
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(did you have any initial anxiety or hesitation about getting involved with a single mom?)
Yes, It’s not easy for all party’s involved You, her or the kids. You will never have to prove you courage in any other way. ( trust me ) Just let you heart guide you.
Peace, Dawg.
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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No thanks Lois. You wouldn't understand a single thing I say. If others want you to post, then I will leave you alone.
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d-know
Trad climber
electric lady land
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bone 'm and
disown 'm.
go climb sumpin'
besides onto yer
high horse and
shut the fuk
up you social retard.
edit: that last comment
is fer you know who.
sorry if i didn't offend
anyone.
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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Locker, Too many falls on your noggin? haha
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dogtown
Trad climber
JackAssVille, Wyoming
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Think about it this way, at your age any women you meet have baggage some more than others.
YOUR ON YOUR F*#KING OWN. Just like the rest of us.
Happy Hunting,
Dawg.
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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If he wanted sincere advice....
WHY THE FUX IS HE ASKING ON SUPERDOPO?
Lol!!!!!111111169
jus' sayin'
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zip
Trad climber
pacific beach, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 8, 2009 - 11:53pm PT
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Nature,
simple
there are a lot of really smart people here who have had a heck of lot more life experiences than me in this area, and i feel as though i could benefit from this knowledge.
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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Zip... I'm kidding.
To tell the truth I dated a single mom a couple times. But I have no real advice to give. Wait.... if you are staying the night at her pad don't leave your tooth brush out. I got busted once doing that. Wasn't a big deal, just sorta awkward.
Maybe I missed it. How old are the kids? or the kid? that sorta matters. Also the gender matters.
The best advice (besides that offered by Rick - killin' me on that one!) is just don't try and play dad. But my gut feeling is you'd already get that part.
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cyndiebransford
climber
31 years in Joshua Tree, now Alaska
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I was a single mom for most of my life. All I really wanted from the few I dated was respect, fun and understanding that my life wasn't always my own.
My kids came first. I appreciated the kids being invited to join us at times. Other times it was nice to get away and pretend that I had time for myself.
I dated a never married, no kids guy for 11 years. I am sure he learned a lot about being a parent by hanging with me and I learned to enjoy myself by hanging with him. It was all good.
The only rules are the ones you and the single mom agree to. Be open to communication and be ready for events to happen that are beyond your control.
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KitKat
Trad climber
Lake Tahoe, CA
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Hey Zip- whats the real question here? (this thread drift and bickering is part of the reason why i rarely post here)
Did you find a single mom you wanna bang? Or did you find someone you want to have in your life long term?
If you just wanna bang her... then the answer is simple.... do your thing at your place...
BUT if you want something REAL- its up to her whether or not you are WORTHY to even meet her kids. If you prove to be that WORTHY then there are, of course, a few different rules being with a woman who has kids.....
1. YOU ARE NOT #1. The kids come first. If she puts you before the kids- LEAVE. Understand and accept her priorities. Parenting is hard work and time consuming.
2. DO NOT TRY TO BE A PARENT. Be a fun buddy, don't try to tell the kid(s) what to do. There is a reason you dont have kids... if you are lucky enough to be invited into her kids' lives- realize that YOU ARE NOT THE DAD.
3. BE PATIENT CLIMBING WITH THE KIDS (this forum is about climbing, right?) If you are lucky enough to get a chance to climb with her kids, refer to rule #1. The day is NOT about you. You will NOT get 10 pitches in, and most kids dont warm up on 5.10. Go out and have a good time, put the rope up on some fun easy stuff and realize that the day is about spending quality time with people you care about. Be fun for the kids. BE PATIENT. Bring em a cool snack for a surprise after they send that 5.7 you hung all over.
4. JUST GO CLIMBING (always a good rule)
I hope this helps... Not all single mothers are lookin for a sugar daddy. If she's real, she will judge you on how you interact with her kids. Just be a cool friend. Go climbing.
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Delhi Dog
Trad climber
Good Question...
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Right on Kitkat!
Cheers and good luck whatever happens.
DD
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zip
Trad climber
pacific beach, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 9, 2009 - 09:39am PT
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Great responses everyone.
thx.
not interested in a bootie call relationship.
my intentions are honorable.
she didn't say that she didn't want to go out with me, just a little concerned as to why at 51 years old, i have only had one girlfriend, and never been married.
i am currently trying to come up with an answer to that one.
does she have to climb?
do all people who are on this site who have someone, climb with them?
i was under the impression that you don't have to have everything in common.
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Blinky
Trad climber
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First - Booty calls ARE honorable.
Second - You have to admit that your relationship history gives her very little to feel secure about. It's also really hard to let a new person into your kid's lives when that person has never climbed the kid rearing learning curve... there's just a lot you can't know until you've done it. It's tricky, she has good reason to feel that way with any kidless man.
Third - She doesn't HAVE to climb. She's not going to have lots of spare time anyway.
KitKat pretty much nails it, especially with #2. Kids only have one Dad, he's not replaceable. If you come into their lives, do it as a buddy, treat them with respect and an open mind. How you were raised has nothing to do with how they will be raised.
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SofCookay
climber
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I am with Julia and Papillon - Lois, I find you incredibly offensive and insulting. I, too, was a single parent and struggled hard to make ends meet and provide a good life for my children. I did it on my own and would never sell myself short to find someone just to provide financial support for me and my children because it got "hard" sometimes.
LEB writes:
Here are some rules
"1. You will ever be second class to her children. They will always come first, no matter what. If you are the father of said children, that might be a tad more palatable. Don't think you are going to get the lion's share of her attention. You are not."
This is true - our children will always come first and that is how it is. You should be more concerned if they do NOT put their children first.
"2. Find out WHY her marriage/relationship did not work or why she is, in fact, single. Why did the guy before you book? People don't change."
Why does it have to be her fault that the guy left? What about the idea that she left the guy. Wow, imagine that.
"3. Always, always, always wear a condom. Sometimes these mothers are not "single mothers" by accident and you just might be a good source of more children and child support."
This is true - you should wear a condom - protects both of you. However, what exactly do you mean by "these mothers?" That's almost as bad as calling us used cars. Are all single mothers out to get pregnant so they can find another source of child support? Get real.
"4. Never, never, never, adopt someone else's children. Love them if you wish; father/mentor them if you wish but don't ever adopt them. You don't need that sort of hassle. Love and legal responsibility are two separate matters. Do not purposely put yourself in harms way. We all have enough problems in life."
This bit of information seems a bit overkill for someone who's just asking advice on dating single mothers.
"5. Approach this whole thing like you would a used car. There are some great used cars and there are some rotten ones (which people got rid of for good reason). Make sure you know the difference and which scenario you are dealing with before you get too involved."
Now this is really where it gets insulting and offensive. Used cars? Seriously? If you want to make that analogy about yourself, go ahead, but don't you dare use it for the rest of us. I am not a used car and will not be compared to one.
You owe all single parents (not just single moms!) an apology. However, I will not hold my breath on that one after reading your posts on this thread.
Sonya
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jstan
climber
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"just a little concerned as to why at 51 years old, i have only had one girlfriend, and never been married.
i am currently trying to come up with an answer to that one."
Perhaps the answer is right in front of you.
You prefer having all your time to yourself.
If you do climb with her kids
do not miss the responsibility you are assuming. They are children and you absolutely must protect them. No matter what.
Pick the climbs carefully.
No loose rock to fall on them.
Double all your normal protection.
Swami PLUS a seat harness.
Climb with a double rope.
With children ALL of the responsibility is on YOU.
That is only the easy part.
What if you introduce them to climbing without making sure they understand risks are being assumed? And then they go out with someone else and are hurt?
If you introduce someone to climbing
you must make certain they have a mature grasp of what risk is and of what adjustments they have to make to their own thinking if they are to be secure.
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Barbarian
Trad climber
slowly dying in the OC
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Be honest of your intentions and show respect...the rest will fall into place. If you have any further questions, please refere to Crimpergirl's earlier posts.
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Jaybro
Social climber
Wolf City, Wyoming
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Did you make that up, Fatty? Don't hold out on us, that's at least two good threads, right there!
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