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squishy
Mountain climber
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or something that makes you want to share and get feedback?
I can't.. Too much at stake, too many characters reading still which were directly involved in one of my trigger events, played out online for many here to watch and see..it would most likely just give them joy to even talk about it.
I have disassociated myself with every single climbing partner and person I was ever involved with in the "climbing community" due to past events and the effects from it on my life and family. I'm in a good place now, I do not wish to share or revisit any of it, especially with any of you...sorry..
All I will say is that metal health is one of the most important subjects facing our society these days. It's the lurking evil influencing and killing off those around you and you simply have no idea how bad the problem is. I see it in everything now, in the faces of my friends, in the excuses of our past. what is sad is our inability to even recognize it, to accept it and face it...everyone's just a big pussy..you may be able to pull hard, hike far and talk a big game, but it takes a real man to venture inside, and admit your f*#ked in the head..it takes a bigger man to ask those around you to accept that fact and ask for a normal life in spite of it..I have to self medicate, self monitor and I do it blindly with feedback alone..it's not easy and I'm not always perfect about it, but my life has changed for the better and I welcome the next challenge..
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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Hi ya'all. This weekend I ran into a woman who had suffered a lifetime of depression and was very much helped by this:
http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/transcranial-magnetic-stimulation/basics/definition/prc-20020555
I had never heard of it. I had a client a few years ago who came to me after a series of electro-shock treatments had helped her out of an extremely severe depressive episode. I don't think the TMS is anything like that. But I haven't done the research. Just passing it along as it is covered by health insurance and is used for med resistant depression.
I follow this thread because I am a psychotherapist and because I also have had my low low moments. Those who are sensitive generally do have some struggle in this world. It would be easier to numb out, but then I wouldn't be able to offer the love and compassion that my clients really need. I think Brandon's post speaks to the need for empathy and how hard it is for sensitive people to keep themselves open.
Just this weekend, Susan's post about putting your hand on your heart was helpful to me in a difficult moment. Remembering to send myself loving always always helps, even if just for the seconds I am doing it. I send Love to all those reading.
Edit: Scuffy!!! When you camping on my couch again?
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scuffy b
climber
heading slowly NNW
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Professional help is the greatest.
Admitting you have a problem is hard.
Asking for help is doubly hard for some of us.
Find a therapist. You won't be judged. The trust and insight can lead to amazing lessons about yourself.
Love yourself, and tell it to yourself.
Edit:
Daphne!!!
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scuffy b
climber
heading slowly NNW
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Survival,
I just saw your post of Aug 2.
I see a therapist. Taking that step might be the best thing that ever
happened to me.
I wish we had universal access to therapy. There is a lot going on in us
that we have a poor understanding of. Many of our attitudes are based on
our self-directed attempts to develop logical explanations of the
workings of the world, ourselves, our relations to others, at a time when
we were woefully lacking in experience and background knowledge, i.e.
when we were kids.
Trying to figure things out on your own? This easily leads to wrong
views. Wrong views of how you fit in, of what you deserve, of what you
are worth, of what you mean to the world, to others.
Here's a scenario:
"What are you hoping to get out of therapy?"
"I want to live without dulling my emotions, and not feeling that I
need to."
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Yury
Mountain climber
T.O.
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Squishy, you are a lucky one. Unlike a person with depression you have much better chances to get back to "normal" life.
My friend with severe panic attacks was able to significantly improve his conditions after just two sessions with a good analyst ($200.00 x 2 = $400.00). He had no money for additional sessions, but was told that ROI from additional sessions would be significant!y smaller and was given a plan what to do on his own.
It was too personal that he has not shared any detail with me.
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MikeL
Social climber
Seattle, WA
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Squishy: . . . you may be able to pull hard, hike far and talk a big game, but it takes a real man to venture inside, and admit your f*#ked in the head..it takes a bigger man to ask those around you to accept that fact and ask for a normal life in spite of it..
Excellent.
Ekat:
(You are often a voice of calm and balanced maturity around here.)
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Tobia
Social climber
Denial
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Daphne, i did TMS two summers ago. i started a thread about it:
http://www.supertopo.com/climbing/thread.php?topic_id=2220943&msg=2255254#msg2255254
It had very positive effects on me. Within a five sessions i was sleeping 5 hours, uninterrupted. That was something I had not had the pleasure of in at least 15 years. My sleep pattern until then was 2-3 hours total, with constant interruptions. It helped with my depression as well.
I am waiting now to do another 30 sessions. Medicare will pay the bulk; but I am having to resort to some creative bargaining for the balance.
MikeL, i'm not sure how to respond; i don't think about my depression during the days that i am not consumed by it. i live life when i am "alive", i am a fitness freak, so i train hard most days. i read a lot. i work on my land. The days i can't function, i try to fight it, only to withdraw and just try to hang on, like a fox tucked away in it's den. That is about all i can do.
i suffer from a few anxiety disorders and i take meds for that; a routine i've been on for all of my adult life. The meds aren't real good for you in the long run; but i would rather have no anxiety today and will leave the worries of possible dementia to a later date. i'm ADD; so in my mind, i've had dementia all my life.
i've read plenty of books about depression including the causative factors, treatment, the varying types and levels including situational and clinical depression. i came away with two non-deniable facts: the mind is a complex organ and most treatment is trial and error. What is good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander. i've suffered both, the trials and the errors.
There is really one book necessary to know this is all temporary.
So that being said, i am not sure we suffer the same. i don't think there are two cases of depression that are alike and we are all individual animals, even though we are of the same genus and species.
Thoughts of suicide have been with me for decades, i came real close to pulling it off once; but was stopped by a beam of light. For myself, some days i am ready to go at it again; but i don't. i hang on for my dogs, my brothers and sisters, both the genetically related and the spiritual ones. And that beam of light. i can't wait to the day comes when i move from this world to the next, as i know it will be a much better place. Like Timid pointed out yesterday, all things must pass.
My struggles started when i was old enough to have a memory and i accept the fact that i will have it as long as i am alive. i go to the psychiatrists for the anxiety meds, i won't take one of their anti-depressant cocktails, as they have no positive effect on me. The only "benefit" i have experienced is a dulled mind. i have one those natually so i don't need to add any fuel to the fire.
MikeL:
The fact that you attribute "calm and maturity" to an individual who complimented you on your thoughts is a little disconcerting to me. Are you saying no one else is in a calm state and is lacking in maturity?
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skitch
Gym climber
Bend Or
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I for one can tell a huge difference between days I forget my welbutrin and days I take it, but I've never been so depressed that I've actually put myself near death, just depressed enough to make the other people in my life wish I was gone.
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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The fact that you attribute "calm and maturity" to an individual who complimented you on your thoughts is a little disconcerting to me. Are you saying no one else is in a calm state and is lacking in maturity?
eKat is a good egg, and has always been so. I think that's all Mike was saying. Let's face it, there's a lot of misbehavin' up in here at times!
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Tobia
Social climber
Denial
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Survival, i can see where i misinterpreted that. Thanks for pointing that out.
It didn't make sense to me then; i was having a hard time wondering why he said that and missed the "around here", i was localizing the comment to this thread and not the forum itself. There is a definite lack of maturity and calm on a lot of threads; most of which i stay away from.
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Karen
Trad climber
Casper, Wyoming
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I feel along with depression is the Spector of anxiety, at least it is for me. Today I got home to find a letter on my apt. door stating I owed my rent plus late fees. I was, WTF? I had already paid it, that being said I went into panic mode, full blown anxiety.
I called my daughter and she told me to check my online banking, in doing so, I saw that yes I did pay my rent but due to all the stress I am under made the rent check out incorrectly.
I am depressed and feel assaulted by anxiety, I have my job to thank for this.
I feel the people around me who love me just don't truly down I can get, so down it scares me.
Thanks to one of the posters to this thread has been a great support.
Well, enough for now.
Thanks to all of you who post to this thread, it helps to know I'm not alone, it feels a little like group therapy.
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splitter
Trad climber
SoCal Hodad, surfing the galactic plane
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Aug 12, 2015 - 01:00pm PT
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Just a few days ago, spending several hours looking at the pics on the "Who the hell are you people?" thread was so encouraging and uplifting, picture after picture, page after page it imbued feeling of acceptance that replentished my somewhat diminished hope.so much so that i was certain that if one were able to appear at the scene the moment those pictures were taken you would be warmly welcomed. Regardless, not evan an iota of doubt should exist concerning ones self worth. It's been a life long battle for many of us. One and all, are valuable and precious, just the way you are...no matter what anyone may say or think of you, or what you may think of yoursef. Never give up. All you ST diehards, some of you seem to post day after day...thank you. Sometimes the most seemingly insignificant thing one may do or say can renew another's resolve to continue on for at least one more day. It may seem somewhat insignificant, but if we are granted that, what else is there that would be worth trading it (one more day) for. I would have to say that I have therefore been truly blessed. My utmost hope is that I will, once again, see you all here (on SuperTopo) maņana, eh?
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Big Mike
Trad climber
BC
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Bump for mad max
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Mad Max
Trad climber
Bakersfield
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Definitely a lot more people dealing with this than I was ever led to believe.
Thanks for the bump mate
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