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darod
Big Wall climber
South Side Billburg
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Mar 26, 2009 - 08:22am PT
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hey dirt, I check on this thread daily. You're in my thoughts constantly and I'm happy to see you're managing well enough.
keep up the fight!
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Mar 26, 2009 - 08:43am PT
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am I still hurting?
the answer is, YES, now I need a remedy in the worst way.
Neebster, let's talk. At first, I thought, OK, another religious whackjob.
But you are sincere. I respect that. I can even admire your conviction.
SO, thanks neeb.
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divad
Trad climber
wmass
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Mar 26, 2009 - 04:43pm PT
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Hey dirt,
As someone whose contribution to this site has had about the same impact as a single cow fart has on the depletion of the ozone layer, I have often felt your posts to be enlightening and always entertaining. I hope that I get to read many more of them.
All the best,
Dave
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graniteclimber
Trad climber
Nowhere
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Mar 26, 2009 - 04:49pm PT
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"i have had my own hard time, just due to no work is all... but i am used to that... i go with out food a lot more and give it to my critters...
so at times, i end up being kind of tired... ahaha... .."
Neebee, that concerns me. You are short of food?
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Mar 26, 2009 - 05:26pm PT
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darod and divad, thanks for that. It's nice to know you guys who don't have to make a spectacle of yourselves take the time to tell me you enjoy my rants.
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cintune
climber
the Moon and Antarctica
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Mar 26, 2009 - 05:47pm PT
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Hang tough Curt, don't know you in real life either but been a fan of those rants since the rc.place a few years back. Hoping for the best for you all along as well. And if you do meet God, don't let it off the hook until you get some straight answers, for cryin' out loud, please.
Best regards,
Paul Chrastina
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 26, 2009 - 07:14pm PT
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hey there granite climber... say, it just works into the ol climbing-skills-of-life, it seems... (as to food situation...)
(been through this before, and am just waiting for new job to appear)...
but say:
i will be okay, as ol' dirtineye has be getting "fruit out of ol words of well-wishes"... and that will in turn keep me well fed, as seed falls from whatever feedback we get here, and then i am well fed, knowing that dirtineye is having a better day, in some way...
;)
say, dirt... now remember, when ever you feel all sappy, and wonder if you need to use one of those after-dinner moister-wipes, just think of me, and PASS the sap on...
:)
say, have a good evening... sure hope you liked the volcanic-soil view... yet, it IS from near about FOURTY years ago!
hmm.. wonder how it looks now... say, dirt, we will have to send out a climber to that ol trail and have them report back...
:)
edit: oopps, dirt, i forgot my manners, as i was just happy to see you post today.... forgot to say "ahh shucks, thanks for saying that" now i just might cry... but i will let settle into your ol' compost-garden for good measure... thanks, dirt...
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charley
Trad climber
nw pa.
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Mar 26, 2009 - 08:16pm PT
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Dirt, I don't post here much and I don't know you except online. I do read this everyday and remmber your rants here and at rc. whatever. I have enjoyed some of your posts and have learnt from others. I am pulling for you and wish you the best. Sending positive vibes your way.
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Mimi
climber
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Mar 26, 2009 - 11:51pm PT
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Hey, Curt. You are so brave. Sorry to hear you're hurting. I found this and thought you might enjoy it.
"Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it."
~ Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941), poet, philosopher, first Hindu Nobel laureate.
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Mar 27, 2009 - 05:05am PT
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neeb, it's true, I get a lot of something special from these kind posters.
Charlie, thanks. glad you got a few laughs.
Cintune, hehe I will do that if things go that way.
Mimi, I'm afraid I am not brave at all. I'm just doing what I have to do. they way I do it does seem to make an impression though, and not just online either. it's a strange feeling to be admired for something I can't help. a lot of high school pals for instance as well as friends of the family are always telling me that I am an inspiration. hell I don't mean to be. If they could see what a wreck I am a lot of the time they might feel differently.
I guess I think anyone would do what I've done, or try to. it's not too hard to rise to the occasion when that's your only choice! seriously, you can either ty to be as happy as you can make yourself, or you can let the misery rule you and what's left of your life. when you look at it that way it's no choice at all-- there's only one way to go, and that is to try to be as happy as possible.
that does not mean I can do it all the time or even come close on some days or even weeks, but you have to keep trying because the alternative is so bad.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 28, 2009 - 02:49pm PT
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hey there dirt... say, as you say, one needs to rise to occasion...
say, you know... that is true, as there is many folks in other coutries that are starving and dying slowly and watching their kids, die too.... yet, they press on, slowly day after day...
that is what all of us do in life, we take each day at a time...
some, sadly do see more sorrow than others... but in the long run, we all learn the same lessons...
some times, we learn them on our own and sometimes we learn them form others, or from mentors...
in a sense, you are being a mentor to others... even though it may not seem so, as this is so new, and surely nothing to be desired, that one would love to teach...
say, being that it is NEW for you though... you are being a real trouper, and making the best of your trail, and leaving markers for others... and thus, still inspiring folks...
:)
as some of these folks may face what you are facing, as they age, and you will be making a good trail for them to follow, from you markers as you learn more about yourself and how you face this....
hmmm, hope i explained all that right...
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Mar 28, 2009 - 07:07pm PT
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well neeb, you still have it wrong as far as I am concerned.
I absolutely did NOT want to 'teach' anything to anyone about life and death. I did NOT want to be any sort of 'guru' or Life to death 'guide' LOL not at all.
My good friend Jim Okel (and aome dipshi!t may well give me hell for saying we were good friends when I knew him for a SHORT time, but as with many other climbers around my age, we just hit it off from the first time we met, and that waa that, we were good friends)who died of cancer about two yours ago (and was a great climber BTW) DID do that, and he was all suited for such things, as he was a practicing zen Buddhist ( OK I can't spell that word but here's what the spell check thinks) and seemed to have a good way with people, and of course he was surrounded by friends who really had an interest in the experience, etc etc.
OK now I kind of got lost, but I think I'm trying to say that I beleive each person should figure this one out for themselves, and really you don't need a guide, or someone to leave trail markers.
Trust me, it's sort of obvious where you go, LOL. And if it's not, then you think it out for yourself, and have yourself an adventure.
Now don't think I'm unhappy that people want to know, that's fine, and it seems I'm doing exactly what I didn't want to do but I am enjoying it because people seem to be getting something out of it.
And don't think I'm mad at you cause it's not worth any bother.
Gotta go!
Curt
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 28, 2009 - 11:49pm PT
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hey there dirt... awwwww, your're a sweet heart... yeah, i guess i didnt explain it too good...
i didn't mean it as you wanted to be that... but that you were doing a good job at it...
i more meant that you were doing the part of, just rising to the occasion... (i think, if i understood that right, that was the something you wanted to do, just rise up and handle stuff as it come---so that would be how we deal with death too...
correcte me if i'm wrong, as email stuff is hard to say or do at times when its not a voice to voice immedaiate response email...
but-say...
you ARE being you... and YOU are unigue.. so that means however you handle and do this, will be in your best way... (well, unless you were getting to bitter... ) (it would take away all your enegery)...
:) we like the energy you got, as you're keeping a pretty even keel right now... :)
well, guess i messed that 'one catch at third' and let a bad run, slide to home... :)
aww, shucks... well, i'm trying to understand it all, too...
you are speical, dirt, that is the long run of it all, and keep on surfing them ol' waves of this awful thing... and soak in a few glorious rays from the day's sun, as you do...
god bless, and have a good evening... i am babysitting, so i wonte be able to say hi again, until tomorrow...
:)
you better smile,if the birds are singing in the morning, okay... they like a happy audiance ... say, can you whislte... join on it, with them, too... :)
all for now... :)
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Brunosafari
Boulder climber
Redmond, OR
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Mar 28, 2009 - 11:56pm PT
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well said Dirt and Neebee
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jbar
Social climber
Asymptote
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Mar 29, 2009 - 02:05am PT
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I really enjoyed those last few posts.
"it's not too hard to rise to the occasion when that's your only choice" But it is a choice and something you have to accept to do. Kind of like Dirt was saying , a different journey for each person. I think you should be admired for the way you choose to live and for doing a fantastic job of keeping a positive outlook. When it comes to guiding or not I think we all have so many diverse experiences we could share and I'm sure you have much wisdom to impart. We are all travelers.
Reading what you said about chemo brought to mind that scene from "bucket list" where Jack Nicholson looks in the mirror after throwing up and says "some lucky sob is having a heart attack right now". It's a great movie if you have never seen it.
I don't know if I'm a religeous nutjob but I'm certainly praying for you.
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Mar 29, 2009 - 04:36am PT
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""it's not too hard to rise to the occasion when that's your only choice"
Yet lots of people don't do it.
But it's true that sometimes you have to crash your car, or your life, before you loosen up on the self-imposed resistance that only makes you suffer.
That's why this thread could be a helpful wakeup call to those who haven't got pain to help inspire them. Best to rise to the occasion while you have other choices.
As for Dirtman, bumping your thread and hoping your not awake at this time of night to read it yet.
Hope whatever you are going through brings you with grace to wherever you need to be.
Peace
Baba
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dirtineye
Trad climber
the south
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Mar 29, 2009 - 10:39am PT
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I didn't get much sleep, about 4 hours, man that dilaudid wires me up so much taht LOTS of ativan won't knock me out LOL, nad the steroids I had to try didn't help with sleeping either.
Usually that means tonight I'll sleep plenty though. seems like today will be a good day (can't ever really tell lately)
Yeah it isn't hard FOR ME, and lots of people don't do it, so maybe writing stuff like this helps a few of those realize they better get going while it's still an option. I don't know, but the feedback seems positive in th1s vein, so that keeps me posting.
I need to eat some yogurt. drain is working again, but it's clear with no real color and bits of mucus (and it is SUPPOSED TO BE BILE LOL.) but I get told this is all either normal or end of life changes-- haha so how to decide? Who knows. they tell me not to worry about it yet.
Worry is bad, OK, I know that, but still it's really odd to have all these changes going on and no good explanation for them.
Oh well. Harp lady came again this weekend, she's great to listen to, and that's a load of fun.
GOtta go eat.
Curt.
PS Neeb, don't worry about it.
Brno and others, glad you liked it.
Out of posting gas for now, later,
Curt
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Mar 29, 2009 - 12:57pm PT
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hey there dirt... say, just dropped in to say hey there...
hope the day has some good for dig out of, kind of like hidden treasures...
:)
*let us know if you find something neat that sparkels, today... :)
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Karl Baba
Trad climber
Yosemite, Ca
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Mar 29, 2009 - 01:41pm PT
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"I need to eat some yogurt. drain is working again, but it's clear with no real color and bits of mucus (and it is SUPPOSED TO BE BILE LOL.) but I get told this is all either normal or end of life changes-- haha so how to decide? Who knows. they tell me not to worry about it yet."
We just got back from India. Funny how circumstances can get you comfortable with body fluid talk.
They tell you "Don't worry, just end of life changes..." !!! Too funny. Worry is about uncertainty, don't worry, you're just dying!
Wishing you comfort and happy draining of bile. (Didn't you have too much bile for a long time? ;-)"
Peace
Karl
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jbar
Social climber
Asymptote
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Mar 29, 2009 - 10:18pm PT
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Just went through the meat of this post. Dirt - Nice playing there! You would be a hoot at a ceilidh. I haven't listened to harp in ages but back in the late 80's I went to see Patrick Ball. I was amazed at the beauty of his O'Carolan harp.
There is something special about you musicians and your ability to bring so much beauty to our souls.
I said a prayer to "my" God for you today Dirt. I asked him to give you many blessings and to cast his angels about you to protect you. Today I'm wishing you a rainbow.
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