Poitipocalypse Redux

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JEleazarian

Trad climber

Fresno CA

Jul 18, 2016 - 10:53am PT

True, HDDJ, but that's not a filibuster. That's more like the way Harry Reid ran the Senate.

For the record, I think the Republicans are making a mistake here. I think the next SCOTUS nominee will be far to the left of Garland.

John

Craig Fry

Trad climber

So Cal.

Jul 18, 2016 - 10:57am PT

Payback is a Bitch

Craig Fry

Trad climber

So Cal.

Jul 18, 2016 - 10:57am PT

Republican National Convention Schedule Released, Featuring Hate, Death, and Fear

The Rude Pundit
http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/

The Republican Party finally released its speaker list and general schedule for its national convention, which starts Monday in Cleveland (motto: "Dear God, let us survive this"). It's an unsurprising list of minor celebrities, craven politicians, and an assortment of dicks and as#@&%es, all ready to go f*#k themselves at a word from their nominee, Donald Trump. Here's a look:

Night 1: A "Benghazi focus," with the corpse of Ambassador Christopher Stevens propped up in a chair as Melania Trump, in a Hillary Clinton mask, lap dances it. Then two security officers who survived the attack in Libya will be allowed to gun down a Muslim chosen at random from the streets of Cleveland. Melania Trump, in a hijab, will give them a lap dance to celebrate their triumph. Rudy Giuliani will show up to play "Creepy Uncle Rudy," the lonely divorced guy who weeps while masturbating in the kids' room while the children are asleep, telling himself it's not wrong. Then we shift to immigration, where border patrol agents will wrestle each other over which one of them hates Messicans more and how much a wall would be awesome. Finally, Jamiel Shaw will speak. His son was killed by an undocumented immigrant in 2008, which would have been during the presidency of George W. Bush, a Republican. But he's black and supports Trump. Two lap dances from Melania for him.

Night 2: It's economy night: Everyone in attendance will be given a poor person to feed and care for for the night. If you keep the poor person alive until the end of the evening, you get a gift bag. If your poor person dies under your watch, like if you drop them on their head or leave them in your car without a window opened, you still get a gift bag, but you have to pretend you feel bad about taking it. What you don't have to feel bad about is that the poor person will receive hospital treatment because Ohio is one of the few states led by a Republican that took the Medicaid expansion. The evening will conclude with Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell slowly strangling adorable hedgehogs, their horrible squeaks echoing throughout the hall as the gathered delegates hope the animals die quickly, just to end it. Everyone gets a scholarship to Trump University, as long as you buy at least one course package.

Night 3: Guns and penises: Eric Trump will come on stage and slowly fellate an AR-15 held by his Klonopinned to the gills wife. A presentation on Bill Clinton's dick will feature reenactments of his Oval Office shenanigans. There will be a raffle to see who gets to put a cigar in pro-golfer Natalie Gulbis's snatch. Ted Cruz will speak about how God has forsaken him and he will now become a male prostitute. He will offer his services, but no one will take him up on it. When Cruz is done, everyone will get a chance to punch Newt Gingrich in the dick. The evening ends with a command to the delegates from the NRA to shove the barrel of their concealed handguns up their as#@&%es until they feel pleasure take over the pain. So much blood, sh#t, and semen will stain the floor that the night will end early. Anti-choice activists think that's their cue, but they will be sent home without being allowed to speak.

Night 4: The coronation of the Trump: Donald Trump will be presented, nude, covered in oil, to the writhing hordes who have been engaged in unholy congress due to the ecstasy and acid that the Trump water bottles were laced with. "Who dares challenge me?" Trump will cry out as he is surrounded by virgin Asian boys who constantly massage his balls and rub the oil into his flesh with meat from Trump steaks. Ivanka will place a crown on his head and, taking his penis in her hand, lead her father to the lectern where he will demand human sacrifice. Reince Priebus will offer his heart for the eating, and Tim Tebow will carry out the ritual. Trump will decline the heart and, instead, command Chris Christie to eat it, yanking on his nipple chains to bring him forth. Tebow will fist the bent over Christie as he gorges on the bloody organ. Bathed in light, Trump will ask for ten, no, twenty, no, okay, let's make it ten hot women, not pigs, to be brought to his suite so that he can interview them for unpaid internships. The lights will go out suddenly and, when they come on, Trump will be gone, his swastika-emblazoned helicopter already flying him away from Cleveland. His biker troops will use fire hoses to chase out the remaining delegates. The body of Reince Priebus will be left to rot and be eaten by rats.

Outside, the riots will descend into Soylent Green territory.

It's gonna be a fun time in Cleveland.

EdwardT

Trad climber

Retired

Jul 18, 2016 - 10:59am PT

Payback is a Bitch

The underlying theme of American politics.

HighDesertDJ

Trad climber

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 18, 2016 - 11:03am PT

John posted

True, HDDJ, but that's not a filibuster. That's more like the way Harry Reid ran the Senate.

Yes, the point is you're being pedantic. It's also how McConnell is running the Senate.

Interestingly, Sean Smith's mom will be speaking tonight at the convention. I talk politics on a forum that Sean was a moderator on. I don't get the impression that this would have made him particularly happy.

Bob D'A

Trad climber

Taos, NM

Jul 18, 2016 - 11:08am PT

Really there is no such thing as "White Privilege". Just ask Paul Ryan.

HighDesertDJ

Trad climber

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 18, 2016 - 11:17am PT

Solid

HighDesertDJ

Trad climber

Topic Author's Reply - Jul 18, 2016 - 12:05pm PT

"We need someone trustworthy in the White House."

dirtbag

climber

Jul 18, 2016 - 12:15pm PT

Benghazi!

apogee

climber

Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy

Jul 18, 2016 - 12:18pm PT

"For the record, I think the Republicans are making a mistake here. I think the next SCOTUS nominee will be far to the left of Garland."

Hang in there, RBG!

apogee

climber

Technically expert, safe belayer, can lead if easy

Jul 18, 2016 - 12:25pm PT

"Colbert crashes the RNC podium and insults Trump.

"Look, I know I'm not supposed to be up here — but to be honest, neither is Donald Trump!"

Holy crap, that's funny!

c wilmot

climber

Jul 18, 2016 - 12:28pm PT

You shop at cid,s or the super save bob d,a? How much is your Taos house worth? Perhaps you feel there is a white privlade because it all you have ever known?

Jon Beck

Trad climber

Oceanside

Jul 18, 2016 - 12:44pm PT

Perhaps you feel there is a white privlade because it all you have ever known?

Admitting it exists is he first step in beating it. 12 steps, right?

Norton

Social climber

Jul 18, 2016 - 12:55pm PT

being a resident of New Mexico and knowing Taos well

far more likely Paul Ryan knows nothing but white privilege than Bob

Bob D'A

Trad climber

Taos, NM

Jul 18, 2016 - 01:21pm PT

"You shop at cid,s or the super save bob d,a? How much is your Taos house worth? Perhaps you feel there is a white privlade because it all you have ever known?"

Actually Albertson's or Smith's.

Taos is 60 percent hispanic.

Get a life and get off my leg.

EdwardT

Trad climber

Retired

Jul 18, 2016 - 01:21pm PT

There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America.

dirtbag

climber

Jul 18, 2016 - 02:23pm PT

I'm trying not to laugh.

Norton

Social climber

Jul 18, 2016 - 03:19pm PT

Over 100 Naked Women Protest Outside RNC Quicken Loans Convention Center

“I fought to hold in my tears as [Tunick] explained that we were gathered together to make a statement against the rhetoric of hatred that’s being spewed out from the Republican party; against the misogynistic, xenophobic, racist, anti-LGBTQ, ableist platform that has defined hating others as an acceptable American lifestyle.”