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dee ee
Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
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Dear Red States:
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving.
We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
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froodish
Social climber
Portland, Oregon
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Dear Red States...
I'll miss bourbon but will just have to console myself with Cascadian style ales.
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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The face of paradigmatic American bigotry in the 21st Century...
lol woooooot you saw it! No sh#t, I went through a mental roll-a-dex of who might possibly be offended by that, and yours was the only name I could think of.
I think it was worth the joke, sorry. No hard feelings <3
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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^^^^^
Hey-O!
Which of these is a 51-year old man, which is a 48 year old woman...
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kunlun_shan
Mountain climber
SF, CA
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^^ just don't delete it, J.
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Norton
Social climber
the Wastelands
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The idiots that called me "spineless" don't pay attention to what I write.
seemed the opposite, Jody
you got lots and lots of attention
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Just curious, why do threads like this and countless others get a free pass but if I post one saying the opposite I get lambasted for starting political threads?
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Obama made us do it?
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Wade Icey
Trad climber
www.alohashirtrescue.com
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"OBAMA is the MAN"
So is his wife.
oh that's right...she's black too....
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Jennie
Trad climber
Elk Creek, Idaho
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"Now, being a mormon, that's just stupid."
I went through a mental roll-a-dex of who might possibly be offended by that, and yours was the only name I could think of.
I believe Pat Ament, Kim Miller, Tom Frost, Ed Bannister and a few others who post here might take umbrage at being referenced as stupid, Mr Davis...
The reactive gulf between them and myself perhaps... they being seasoned enough to ignore ST's political flapdoodle
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Being stupid, and making stupid choices, are two seperate things :)
I make stupid choices all the time, and most of the time I know they are stupid.
You see, that there is the spice of life. That's sprinkling paprika on your eggs.
I'm going to go look at a star for five minutes and marvel at how long its light traveled, then take a moment of silence for the seven or eight children that died in depravity and starvation in corners of the globe in those minutes, far far away from the reach of anything you might consider salvation.
lol jk, gonna make a sammich.
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philo
Trad climber
Somewhere halfway over the rainbow
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Listening to NPR this morning was interesting.
First Mayor Bloomberg endorsed Obama for another term as the man with the best policies to address Global Climate Change. Then they talked about Mittens Rmoney's return to the campaign trail. At a rally Willard was encouraging his people to reach out to those suffering in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy and help. Someone in the audience yelled out "what about Global Climate Change" and "That is what caused this Super Storm". Well instead of Romney addressing the direct question the mob burst out with loud booing. Then the Mitt-tites bullied into a unison droning chant of "USA, USA, USA". Then the questioner was rounded up and hustled out of the hall.
So much for Free Speech.
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GDavis
Social climber
SOL CAL
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Someone in the audience yelled out "what about Global Climate Change" and "That is what caused this Super Storm". Well instead of Romney addressing the direct question the mob burst out with loud booing. Then the Mitt-tites bullied into a unison droning chant of "USA, USA, USA". Then the questioner was rounded up and hustled out of the hall.
This is modern conservatism at its root. lol
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Norwegian
Trad climber
Placerville, California
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just filled out my absentee ballot,
i will deliver to a voting booth
tomorrow.
im very giddy excited to learn
of obama's victory tomorrow night.
the stars will hold a silence
of moment for the special occasion.
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