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pocoloco1
Social climber
The Chihuahua Desert
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Nov 10, 2014 - 06:57am PT
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Head South....,Hueco is just getting started
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Big Mike
Trad climber
BC
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Nov 10, 2014 - 07:00am PT
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You know how to heal, and that it happens, but it's never as fast as we want.
I'm so sick of healing. I just wanted to be done. My body is finally coming around and now i have to deal with my heart? Fvck.
Edit: thanks Skip!
Thanks poco.... Got a couple months here before my next sortie unfortunately..
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Reilly
Mountain climber
The Other Monrovia- CA
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Nov 10, 2014 - 08:38am PT
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Mike, near as I can tell you've got more than a leg up on the competition,
so to speak, you're able to talk about it and that is huge. Hang in there,
or up there. ;-)
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Tricouni
Mountain climber
Vancouver
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Nov 10, 2014 - 08:55am PT
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Mike, if there's any way I can help...
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nita
Social climber
chica de chico, I don't claim to be a daisy.
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Nov 10, 2014 - 09:16am PT
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Hey Big Mike....So sorry to hear this info....Makes me sad to know you are hurting...
Sending much Love...
Everybody hurts, take comfort in your friends.... Hang on...Hold on..
[Click to View YouTube Video]
Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I...
Our primary relationship is really with ourselves. Our relationships with other people constantly reflect exactly where we are in the process. . Shakti Gawain
[Click to View YouTube Video]
The future's paved~ with better days..
Sending big Love out to those suffering...
post, 234
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Nov 10, 2014 - 09:35am PT
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Winston Churchill called it the black dog.
It caused one of the funniest and most successful comedians to hang himself.
A serious illness.
Somebody posted about causing an accident that took a life. That would have surely gotten me depressed, a nightmare I lived with as a climbing guide but fortuitously never experienced.
I can certainly sympathize with somebody that suffers from depression as a result of trauma, especially a spine injury.
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Tvash
climber
Seattle
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Nov 10, 2014 - 09:39am PT
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I agree that chronic weed smoking will take the edge off for an hour but result in a deeper state of depression.
You also mysteriously gain weight. I think it lowers your base metabolism slightly - although those impulse Bugle Corn Snack purchases just might be a factor.
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Spider Savage
Mountain climber
The shaggy fringe of Los Angeles
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Nov 10, 2014 - 10:09am PT
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Magic Pill - Vitamin B1, 100 MG per hr. It metabolizes fast. Up the calcium intake while doing this.
You'll be right as rain and a few hours of this.
Loss of love is tough.
Pain is a warning. It's there for a reason.
It's hard for me to grasp anyone who doesn't love Big Mike.
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John M
climber
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Nov 10, 2014 - 10:31am PT
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Hey Big Mike.. I am so sorry that you are going through this heart ache. I know how painful that can be. I don't know you personally, but I have read your stuff for a few years now and I feel like I know you well enough to say that you have it within you to come through this and shine. You will get over the heartache, and you will be a better person for it. Thats just who you are.
I stared to write about how this love blossomed during a crisis and now Sandra needs space to find out if it is real outside the crisis, but I think that you probably already realize that. So I deleted it. I do hope that you realize that this love that Sandra has given you was a blessing and that what you gave her was also a blessing, though I do fully understand that right now it is painful What I also know though is that you are a tough guy, and so is Sandra. And you have both grown and are better people for having had this experience. So out of this pain you are feeling now, a lot of beauty can come. Give life a chance brother. Sometimes we suffer so that we can climb harder. Love is the same way. Sometimes we suffer in love, so that we can learn to love deeper. Let her go.. breath a bit while your heart heals, and then get back on the horse and see what life has to offer you in the future. With your zest for living, I bet that it has a lot to offer.
And who knows.. a month or two down the road.. maybe you go on a date with this new renewed Sandra, who has had a chance to discover herself again. And ka powie.. the love is back. Yet it will be a greater love because it has the knowledge that it doesn't need a crisis to fire it.
Its an adventure Brother. The adventures that challenge us the most tend to be the ones we cherish the most. As long of course, as if they don't totally break us in two.. wry smile.. haha..
Fire it up big guy.. winter is coming and I know you love that big deep powder. Go live and love life and love will find you. It might even be with Sandra..
I hope that I haven't misread this situation or said too much. I'm getting over an infection and fever.. eek.. Please forgive me if I said anything out of place.
Big John.. ( not as tall as you.. wider.. haha )
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Wayno
Big Wall climber
Seattle, WA
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Nov 10, 2014 - 10:34am PT
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Sometimes we need to take a step back in order get the perspective to move forward. None of this life stuff is easy, if it is you are probably on vacation. Pain can be an indicator of the need to change something or it can be the instrument of your defeat. It is ok to surrender if at least you tried.
My heart goes out to you and Sandra, Mike. Something tells me you will find a way through this. Masha and I have had those dark days and we are still here. I'm not sure of how or why but we seem to take turns ruffling each others feathers and this actually helps us to fly. To purify gold, you heat it up until the crap comes to the surface and then you scrape it off. A little lighter and a bit more pure.
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thebravecowboy
climber
walking, resin-stained, towards the goal
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Nov 10, 2014 - 10:43am PT
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I am rooting for you Big Mike. this too shall pass and before you know it you will again be neck deep in love, joy, and slammer jams. I feel for you, dude: it seems it will never change sometimes. You know as well as I do though that the only constant is change. Keep your head up man, you never know who or what is 'round the corner.
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climbski2
Mountain climber
Anchorage AK, Reno NV
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Nov 10, 2014 - 12:18pm PT
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I care. Emotions are strange thing, wonderful and terrible. Very hard to control. Heartbreak + depression + injury sounds like hell.
It will pass, some of it anyway. But that doesn't help a lot right now I suspect.
Just know.. we care.
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LilaBiene
Trad climber
Technically...the spawning grounds of Yosemite
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Nov 10, 2014 - 07:44pm PT
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^^^^^^^^^^ You've got so many fans, Big Mike. ") Let them be there for you, as hard as it may seem to be to open your heart right now.
If I'm out of place saying this, you can smack me upside the head @ Facelift next year. Every single time, without fail in my life so far, that I've said or wondered if only I could change myself this way, or so that I was more what that person really wanted, or wished I was something other than the imperfect (but entertaining at times!) person that I am, I caused myself more pain for not recognizing my worth, just the way I am. Eventually, the light always dawned on me that it was the other person that didn't fit...like an awkwardly made shoe...but not before I had dragged my self esteem through the mud for a good while.
Sometimes the right fit is as much about timing, as anything else. All this to say, I'm so sorry. Please don't get down on yourself - you're an amazingly awesome inspiration to have overcome the obstacles that you've faced, and still have a great, big grin. You're alright just the way you are. ") Hugs.
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Nov 11, 2014 - 02:41am PT
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i'm sorry to hear of your struggles, mike.
stay outdoors and take care
while navigating through this thicket.
call if you need a runaway truck ramp.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Nov 11, 2014 - 02:58am PT
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hey there say, big mike... wow, i just saw this post...
say, keep to trail, and stop to take a breather, when the roughness of it, hits you unexpectedly... trails led to many things, you know... they also, unexpectedly heal us, and over new hopes, when we least expect, it, as well...
very sorry about you and sandra, though...
but keep other hopes, for your trail, open...
say, audrey, very well said as to this quote:
^^^^^^^^^^ You've got so many fans, Big Mike. ") Let them be there for you, as hard as it may seem to be to open your heart right now.
If I'm out of place saying this, you can smack me upside the head @ Facelift next year. Every single time, without fail in my life so far, that I've said or wondered if only I could change myself this way, or so that I was more what that person really wanted, or wished I was something other than the imperfect (but entertaining at times!) person that I am, I caused myself more pain for not recognizing my worth, just the way I am. Eventually, the light always dawned on me that it was the other person that didn't fit...like an awkwardly made shoe...but not before I had dragged my self esteem through the mud for a good while.
Sometimes the right fit is as much about timing, as anything else. All this to say, I'm so sorry. Please don't get down on yourself - you're an amazingly awesome inspiration to have overcome the obstacles that you've faced, and still have a great, big grin. You're alright just the way you are. ") Hugs.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Nov 11, 2014 - 03:14am PT
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hey there, say, tobia... say, how you doing as of this week... say, drop me a line, again...
was thinking of you, after reading all this and had not heard from you for awhile...
may your week go well, a step at a time...
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Nov 11, 2014 - 03:18am PT
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Mike, what is the latest on your feelings?
When I met Jennie, she was suicidal and she is still on citalopram, an anti-depressant, over the past few years her doctors and best friends said that if I had not entered her life she probably would have been found dead in her flat.
However, while I do not have dark thoughts, I am going through a bit of depression, as it is week now she has been in a nursing home, and the social worker claims Jennie does not want to see me. And her best friend Eileen is not happy with the way this social worker has treated her (Eileen).
This has not happened before at such a stage, but it's Korsakoff's Dementia.
I just want her back home. The cat misses her too.
I am depressed, for the first time in my life. The beach is a minute walk away. I am going there now.
Mike, I have not read any of the latest posts, so I do not know what you are doing, but get out. Walk on the beach or in the woods, climb if you can, bicycle. Whatever. Best wishes, bon chance.
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neebee
Social climber
calif/texas
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Nov 11, 2014 - 04:29am PT
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hey there say, patrick... good morning to you... good to hear from you, but sad to hear about jennie... :(
yes, take a walk at the beach... prayers and good wishes for you and jennie...
i remember once, way back when my life fell apart, that my daddy tried to help me one night when i was 'breaking down with deep crys':
he tried to get me to go out for a walk, and fresh air--in the middle of sobs, it struck me as strange, but i never will forget the love that he tried to share, by just trying to say something... i miss my daddy, :(
thank you, for sharing, here, you made me think of a good memory, in the midst of a sad time, that i once had...
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Norwegian
Trad climber
dancin on the tip of god's middle finger
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Nov 11, 2014 - 04:40am PT
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the moon and sun are currently arguing too, mike.
i can tell by the sad hue of her beams.
my knight shadow just don't cast right.
girls everywhere are menstruating off cycle.
and sailors are cursing errant tides.
i look up and the moon is pissed.
she's got a bruise on her right cheek.
dammit son.
i told you not to induce violence.
ahh sh#t the whole universe is in shambles.
it's like one of those blow up dolls though.
you know, the one with the sand ass hence super low
center of gravity;
it'll all upright. sooner probably.
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