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Beatrix Kiddo
Mountain climber
Littleton
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Mar 11, 2009 - 10:42am PT
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I'm REALLY sick of getting hit on by my partners, especially the older ones. No offense, I like men of all ages (especially the young guns :-)) but if I wanted to date or screw, it would be obvious. Over the past 7 years I have lost about 8 male partners because I wasn't interested. What hurts most is that a couple of them up and ditched me after having done many successful climbs over the course of a couple of years. When I make it known that I am not interested, they bail on me. It does some damage to my self esteme when this happens. I'm worth being with even if I'm not going to date or screw you and I'm a damn fun, strong and adventurous partner. I have a partner that is acting all tweaky with me now so I imagine that he will last another few months. The is a sore subject for me. I would love to find a boyfriend and climbing partner but when I agree to climb with someone, it doesn't mean that I want to date them. It means just what I agreed to; climbing.
So men, if you have a crush on your parnter, let it be known and if your partner doesn't reciprocate, be a man and deal with it.
Pussies!
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hossjulia
Trad climber
Eastside
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:00am PT
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I'm about as socially inept as they come, so for what it's worth....
For years literally ever guy that ever talked to me wanted to get in my pants. At least on some level.
Then a few years ago, something happened and it all stopped. Not sure exactly what that something was, but it may have something to do with the fact that I no longer NEED to have a guy around. Or it could just be age. Me getting older sure, but mostly, the guys my age have grown up! And appreciate being with a woman for that sake alone. If they get laid, bonus!
I don't worry about it. They'd have to out and out ask me these days for me to notice. ("Is that a WOODY in your pocket??!! OMG, snicker snicker.") That'd be me.
So on some level, I think the guys know I'd just humiliate them.
It helps that I climb like the fat-ass I am.
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justthemaid
climber
Los Angeles
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:08am PT
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I'd like to give men the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. Not all men are trying to get in every girl's pants.
Climber guys out number climber girls like..10 to 1
If you exclude newbies, gym hotties,casual climbers and married/taken women... the ratio is probably more like 30 to 1.
Good (single) female climbers are as rare as unicorns.
No shocker that the men are going to give it a shot. Can't really hold it against them for trying. Guys do have egos. It is, indeed, really annoying when they can't just take the "no" and keep on climbing without ditching out on a perfectly good climbing partner. Men and women both need to learn to not take it so personally.
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Fish Finder
Social climber
THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:09am PT
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We all create what is around us.
Women & Men are like a puzzle.
The pieces fit together tightly.
Sometimes you cant complete the puzzle because there are pieces missing.
I tend to agree with Sue V PHD.
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The Wedge
Boulder climber
Bishop, CA
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:09am PT
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Boy's are stupid, throw rocks at them.
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philo
Trad climber
boulder, co.
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:15am PT
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Anastasia, beautiful, you could try wearing a Groucho mask and a Sears poncho.
Trust me on this, you will be garnering extra attention from libdosauruses for many years to come. And you should honor your gifts by being true to you.
sort through potential climbing partners with alacrity. Any dude(l) who would only belay you to get you to the bivouac isn't who you want to count on when it really matters.
Oh sure a little casual cragging and an occassional one bight strand never hurts.
But Life's big walls take a partner you can depend on not one you have to fend off.
In my young gun days hot chicks were who left because I climbed too much.
Now they are who leave because I don't climb enough.
Cruelly ironic world indeed.
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Rankin
climber
Bishop, CA
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:18am PT
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Men are dogs. We can't help ourselves.
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rhyang
climber
SJC
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:20am PT
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I regularly climb with women. It's no big deal. We're all there to climb.
That said, I seem to get along best with people who are also mountaineers or into other alpine pursuits. The crag / gym rats, not so much .. but there are exceptions to every rule.
Of course, everyone knows I am into the
just so there is no confusion :)
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Studly
Trad climber
WA
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:49am PT
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so when you say "Up rope" you don't mean.....oh man...
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JLP
Social climber
The internet
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Mar 11, 2009 - 11:57am PT
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Some chicks create more problems than others.
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Prod
Trad climber
A place w/o Avitars apparently
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:00pm PT
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I have the exact same problem but it's with dudes and chicks....
But with an ass like mine who could blame em.
Prod.
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Fish Finder
Social climber
THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:03pm PT
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Damn Prod... and you can cook ?
HA HA HA !!!
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justthemaid
climber
Los Angeles
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:04pm PT
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Can't we all just get along?
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happiegrrrl
Trad climber
New York, NY
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:07pm PT
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While there are women who are overly dramatic, the women climbers don't tend to be any more so then the men climbers, so far as I have found. In fact, I would say I have seen worse hang-ups with more guys than women(climbers). But - being that there are so many more men than women, that makes sense.
We DO draw toward us what we desire. Sometimes what we desire is to have a sense of superiority. When you see someone who is always putting down their partner(whether it is their looks, their body, their intelligence) that's pretty much what's going on. Someone uncomfortable with themselves, having to point their finger at someone else to avoid the discomfort within.
That said - there are PLENTY of men who enjoy climbing with women for any number of reasons that don't have to do with getting laid.
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Anastasia
climber
Not here
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Topic Author's Reply - Mar 11, 2009 - 12:14pm PT
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I just wanted to know the unwritten rules. I find these interpersonal dances confusing and... They don't make any logical sense. Now as attraction goes... It appears to me that EVERY WOMEN that has all her teeth, is healthy enough to hike and does not weight in at 200 pounds is "HOT." I won't apologies for being one of the 3 billion. Plus, why do I need to use my boyfriend to validate wanting only a friend? Shouldn't that stand on it's own? I find that action even worse because if I do break up, I don't need to be dealing with instant sexual offers from my so called "friend."
Yes, I too think we all need to be appreciated, found attractive, etc. It's feels good being complimented. I just don't get why there is such a need to consummate every attraction in order for validation. I too have been deeply attracted to a few people and was fine with having them as just friends. Sometimes I think these relationships are actually better since I get all the best parts without the added responsibility/complications/drama.
Beyond that, I will love going climbing with justthemaid. (Call me girl!) I don't flake, I love pushing hard but can't stand making climbing work. (Already went through that and deeply hated it.) I like being a belay slave as long that my partner talks to me and... We at least get one climb in that I can jump on to your three. Plus, I really don't have drama. Well, beyond the shiest I give myself... :)AF
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pud
climber
Sportbikeville
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:19pm PT
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Q:Why is it that when I want to go climbing, visit a person to check out an area, etc... Most takes it as some kind of "come on" despite telling them plainly that I am not interested in any physical interactions?
A: You may need to be more selective of the people you choose to climb with.
Q:How am I really suppose to conduct myself?
A: As the strong independant woman that you are.
Q:Please tell me what is the appropriate procedure: Should I only climb with women?
A: Climb with people that want to climb.
Q: Always bring a boyfriend, etc?
A: Bring your rabbi if he wants to climb.
Q:Is being single, traveling without male/female companionship a big no no?
A: You will miss out on a great deal of fun and adventure if you choose this path.
Edit:
When do you want to climb?
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justthemaid
climber
Los Angeles
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:29pm PT
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Pud speaks with wisdom. Just ignore me and listen to him LOL>.
Of course you aren't defined by your relationship. As for mentioning an S.O. to new partners...well, if they know you are currently unavailable- it at least eliminates any initial awkwardness. What's even more weird is when you climb with someone for MONTHS before they ever mention they are in a relationship. Far creepier and more inappropriate in my opinion.
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tolman_paul
Trad climber
Anchorage, AK
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:47pm PT
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The thing is, it's tough to a find a good climbing parter irregardless of gender of gender or relationship status.
Most single guys don't want to be single, and the thought of being in a relationship with a women who values the same things in life is very appealing.
I don't care how sensitive, intelectual, equality minded et al a guy is, there is something hard wired about men wanting to get together with women. It's like gravity, you can't avoid it, you need to realize it's there and deal with it.
So that leaves married guys, whose wifes aren't going to be supportive of them going on climbing trips with single women.
I guess that leaves gay guys, eunichs (pretty uncommon these days) and women partners if you want a partner that is non threatening.
Seems like the best approach is some sort of ying and yang. If you put up the ice woman front of I just wan't to climb, I have no interest in you then you'll put off many prospective partners. Conversly you don't want to do anything that gives a guy a false impression, and that's darn tough as it doesn't take much to make a guy think a woman likes him.
And, you can always tell prospective partners you're a left handed midget eskimo lesbian.
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John Moosie
climber
Beautiful California
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:53pm PT
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"And, you can always tell prospective partners you're a left handed midget eskimo lesbian. "
LOL, I think that just tends to be a siren call for some men. Yeeee Haaaaw.
..........
Dude, I just hooked up with a left handed midget eskimo lesbian.
Duuuude. you are so lucky. ( high five ) All I ever meet are straight chicks.
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kwit
climber
california
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Mar 11, 2009 - 12:59pm PT
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SueV PHD. PHD!!!!!!!! everyone!
how's that for spray painting on a billboard?
it isn't about hotness, or narcissism, or preening. beatrix k and anastasia are right: the social world of climbing *is* complex for women, largely because we are outnumbered, especially when the footholds and jugs give way to incipient seams and offwidths. and it can be troubling and uncomfortable when a good male climbing partner bails because he isn't getting the biscuit at the end of the trick.
but there are a lot of men out there who weren't socialized in the mesozoic era, and know how to communicate. we just have to find them.
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