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the Fet
Knackered climber
A bivy sack in the secret campground
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Sand in his vagina. Sand in her vagina isn't funny, and is almost offensive.
Yes balls and legloops are a risky combination. But peeing is much more convenient for a guy, so it's kind of a draw.
One time I was on a scary lead up on a wall and my penis is like, "Look out! Rock!" I'm like, whew... thanks penis! I'm glad I had you out. ~paraphrased from Mitch Fatel
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nutjob
Stoked OW climber
San Jose, CA
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The Yosemite grocery store is closing soon.
If we head back now, we might get something besides Denny's for dinner/breakfast.
I've got an important meeting for work tomorrow.
I left the kids/dog/grandma/etc. in the car without water and it's been pretty hot today
I forgot my insulin/inhaler/nebulizer/contacts/etc.
I forgot my vaseline for an "unplanned bivy"
Partner substituted Vicks Vapo-Rub instead of Vaseline, in hopes of an "unplanned bivy"
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maculated
Trad climber
San Luis Obispo, CA
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Because I want ice cream.
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rmuir
Social climber
the Time Before the Rocks Cooled.
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Because all we have in the haul-bag for food for the next three days are "two raw spuds." (Amazing but true.)
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nutjob
Stoked OW climber
San Jose, CA
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Can't figure out where the last pitch goes, and after tension-traversing way off a #5 camelot in gritty balls granite, just can't think clearly or muster up the energy for bodily control since we ran out of food yesterday morning and ran out of water yesterday afternoon and this mofo day is turning out to be HOT, and maybe YOSAR wouldn't find us on this gawd-forsaken chunk of rock where nobody in their right mind goes?
And I dropped my camera, the cough drop is sticking to the roof of my mouth because I can't make any spit, and the Merced sure looks inviting down there...
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mission
Social climber
boulder,co
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Lean mean Jim Donini and I almost bailed on our new route attempt on Fitzroy because he butterfingered the camera and dropped it about 800 feet. Have you ever seen a grown man cry? Why climb anything if you can't tell people about it? But that's another idea for a thread...has anyone soloed the Astroman, for instance, and not told anyone?
We continued in our quest because I still had my trusty Contax TVSII, although the film had to be rationed in case the good weather continued.
Lesson learned: keep your camera clipped in when you are using it. You never know when you might have to drop the camera and get your brake hand back on the rope!
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WandaFuca
Gym climber
San Fernando Lamas
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"Man, I'm having a major herpes outbreak . . . my blebs won't last too long, but dude, the wall will always be here."
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Sorry mission, even before photoshop, bragging rights were established by the climb not the photos.
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hhhhhhhhh
climber
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Reasons.... I don't need no f**king reasons.
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Toker Villain
Big Wall climber
Toquerville, Utah
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Wouldn't that be, "steenkin reasons"?
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mission
Social climber
boulder,co
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This has gotten way too serious.
Top five reasons for bailing:
Beer, wine, ice cream, coffee, and cigarettes.
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dee ee
Mountain climber
citizen of planet Earth
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"I don't feel good."
"I'm scared."
"Ran out of weed."
"It's too windy, cold, hot, still."
"Not enough water."
Not sure if these are funny but then the truth can't always be funny.
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pip the dog
Mountain climber
planet dogboy
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nature,
> my blowup doll sprung a leak.
dammit, that line made me laugh so hard i coughed up my deep fried chicken breast fresh from the local supermarket. damn you! (i'm a dog, not a cat, so it's not like i'm going to actually try to re-swallow what's now on the floor).
Hankster,
> Actually, I was about to start up the Naked Edge and my
> partner busted out the "hippy lettuce" pipe. I didn't want
> to seem like a dork so I imbibed. Well ,you know what kind
> of voodoo is available in Boulder, and before I knew it,
> WHAM! MASSIVE PANIC ATTACK!!!!!!
duuuuude... been there (well, at the bottom of a route not nearly so hard as the ‘Edge), and done that.
as you have likely guessed, i was born with more than enough weird chemistry -- and adding to it is surely ‘counter-indicated’. but as like a bunch of my boulder buddies and betties were all over me that i should try ‘this stuff’, i did. error...
they called this current local mutation ‘The Sick’ –- that alone should have been warning enough...
but, no, i am a moron. and in those daze still young enough to actually care what my neighbors thought about anything. so just to demonstrate that i was almost as ‘kewl’ as the lot of them, i sucked just enough out of the bong (filled with snow – it was like march) and carefully held it in my cheeks. like bill clinton, i was adamant that i would not inhale, as i knew what that stuff did to me.
(only in boulder do (some) people carry that other kind of bong in their 'rack'. sheesh.)
so i soon blow out at least 90% of what's in my now ground squirrel cheeks out in a mighty cloud. it was only then i finally inhaled (i needed oxygen at this point). er, oopsy, i forgot about that 10% of that one hit of 'The Sick' that was still close at hand...
HUGE mistake. and of course i suddenly went all “homo psycho disco” (a Charlie Fowler line, bless his funny soul) as my pulse went through the ceiling and the veins in my temples suddenly all popped out. then (as i was already racked and tied into the sharp end) i headed up whatever tidily route we were doing on that suddenly sunny day in late winter Eldo.
and i fookin’ freaked. i flailed and barely survived the pitch -- then quick rapped and bailed and ran away. soon after i moved to montana. for at that moment i realized (yet again, and this time forever) that i’m just not a Boulder kind of guy.
Sheesh... ‘The Sick’ -- i am _such_ a moron.
^,,^
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drljefe
climber
Old Pueblo, AZ
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I wanna go bouldering.
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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keep that attitude up, jefe, and my blow up doll will be belaying you!
pip - glad I could make you re-enjoy your food!
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BooYah
Social climber
Ruby Range
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Pip, we call that phenomenon "getting Chimpy" for your lead.
It's quite humourous. Enjoy.
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Ihateplastic
Trad climber
Lake Oswego, Oregon
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My wife is studying finance and I am balling like a little 7th grade girl reading these. And it isn't even my time o' the month! I am actually laughing out loud and Elena, my far better half, is yelling at me that I am disturbing her by talking to my "dorky friends." I'll wait until she is at school to finish them. ...Sand on my balls... Brilliant!
Best effin thread this year (well, other than the YCA/Hollow Flake T-shirt thread...)
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pip the dog
Mountain climber
planet dogboy
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BooYah,
> we call that phenomenon "getting Chimpy"
dammit BooYah, i just now read that and blew half my little bottle of V8 all over my fookin' laptop.
'fook! that's it. i'm not gonna read any more of this shite until i actually get some actual cal's deep into my gullet. if i keep reading this insanity while trying to eat i'm gonna starve to death.
sheesh. you aszholes (though wickedly funny aszholes)
"getting Chimpy"... i'm dying here. can't... breath... aaarhhhh....
^,,^
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nature
climber
Tucson, AZ
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did I mention my blow up doll is a female chimp?
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Inner City
Trad climber
East Bay
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funny topic, aren't "it's getting late.." or, "we're past the crux" okay?
I once did 'my ankle is hurting..."
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