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OPB
climber
stocktown
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"zero degree sleeping bag my ass"
Chad Midgely after a cold night on Mt. Shasta
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ryanb
climber
Seattle, WA
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The real first dark and stormy night,
"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
--Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, Paul Clifford (1830)
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/ needs to be mentioned.
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Ed Hartouni
Trad climber
Livermore, CA
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"how hard could it be?"
innumerable times trying to plan an outing...
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climberweenie
Trad climber
San Jose, CA
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So lightning was shaking the peaks straight across from us and the sh!t right out of us, we were hail-covered and soaked like scuba divers, tempting fate with metal objects dangling from our bodies while running like hell down the steep exposed slabs now become a river...
-or-
I sat handcuffed in the back, listening intently to the police radios, wondering if my friends would get away and acutely aware that I wasn't yet under arrest, pondering an answer to the question "what are their names?"
-or-
That was the days before SuperTopos and the descent route wasn't real clear in the guide, so we started wondering when it was just getting steeper and steeper and holds were breaking off in our hands as we bumbled by headlamp, but we had an 8am flight that we didn't want to miss...
-or-
I probably should have gotten some shots or taken some pills or something before the trip, but there I was...
-or-
As I hitchhiked in the dark from a truck stop in Lost Hills, I regretted the decision to catch a ride with friends "most of the way" back home...
-or-
It was the trip I vowed to give up climbing; I swore I'd go home and make babies with my wife and stop all this silly nonsense...
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healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
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"You look like a smart guy..."
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steelmnkey
climber
Phoenix, AZ
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The sign said "Wanted: Strong back, weak mind..."
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euphoria
Trad climber
Slippery Rock, PA
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To Athene then.
-Richard Farina, Been Down so Long it Looks like Up to Me
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Scrunch
Trad climber
Provo, Ut
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"One thing was certain, that the white kitten had nothing to do with it - It was the black kitten's fault entirely."
-through the looking glass, Lewis Carrol
"APOLLODORUS: In fact, I'm well prepared to answer your question."
-symposium, Plato
"America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 17. 1956.
I can't stand my own mind."
-america, Allen Ginsberg
"Well, I've finally come up with a good reason not to set your butt hair on fire."
Karl to his professor, when asked how his weekend went.
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Gabe
Social climber
CA
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"The man in black fled accross the desert, and the gunslinger followed." Opening line in the Gunslinger, Dark Tower series. A seven book series written by Stephen King from June 19, 1970-April 7, 2004.
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smokin_nolens
Social climber
California Valley, California
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'because the I was holding a beer in my right hand....'
'watch this'
'hold on, I'm about to do something stupid, dude'
'as a matter of fact, Ranger, that is my megaphone you're holding'
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Tork
climber
Yosemite
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"For two days our situation was critical. Then it got desperate."
Take a guess
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Melissa
Gym climber
berkeley, ca
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"What can you say about a 25-year-old girl who died?" Love Story, Erich Segal
“My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.” American Beauty...Don't know who wrote it.
The opening monologue from Trainspotting was great too.
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Edge
Trad climber
New Durham, NH
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"We were somewhere over the desert near Barstow when the drugs began to take hold."
Hunter S Thompson in "Fear and Loathing."
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AKutzer
Trad climber
Austin, TX
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Hey Gabe -
That is the best opening line of any story or series, ever. Very well done, Stephen!
Uh, the actual story/series ain't bad, either...
and here's another classic:
"So, I should probably warn you: we've had a coupl'a beers..."
and
"Step quick but sure, boys; we don't want to get caught on this mountain in full dark..."
followed by the fastest descent in history.
and
"You guys want a brownie?"
followed by the quickest (and most magical) "yes" in history.
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smokin_nolens
Social climber
California Valley, California
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'all highway patrol officers appreciate a well-controlled high-speed drift.'
HST
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'Pinya
climber
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Okay. .this is more like an openning paragraph but it doesn't quit have the full effect if you just read the first line. . .
"TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous
I had been and am; but why WILL you say
that I am mad?
The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How then am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily, how calmly, I can tell you the whole story....
It is impossible to say how first the idea entered
my brain, but, once conceived, it haunted me day
and night...."
The Tell Tale Heart - Edger Allan Poe
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Loom
climber
the bathroom
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Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.1 If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.2 I was a bad kid.3 See the child. He is pale and thin, he wears a thin and ragged linen shirt.4 Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen, and I was three.5 When shall we three meet again. In thunder, lightning, or in rain?6
1 Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
2 J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
3 Babe Ruth, The Babe Ruth Story
4 Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian
5 Billie Holiday, Lady Sings the Blues
6 William Shakespeare, Macbeth
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mudimba
climber
Baria
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It has been reported that Tanuki fell from the sky using his scrotum as a parachute.
 Villa Incognito by Tom Robbins
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Jingy
Social climber
Flatland, Ca
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"Hey... just remember, if it feels like more than two fingers...... It's probably a dick!"
Advice for travel from Dave Attel
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Loom
climber
the bathroom
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Once in a while you find yourself in an odd situation.1 This is a tale of a meeting of two lonesome, skinny, fairly old white men on a planet which was dying fast.2 They’re out there. Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them.3 Were they truly intelligent? By themselves, that is?4 Either forswear fvcking others or the affair is over.5 “In five years, the penis will be obsolete,” said the salesman.6 The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal.7
1 Thor Heyerdahl, Kon-Tiki
2 Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Breakfast of Champions
3Ken Kesey, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
4 Robert A. Heinlein, The Puppet Masters
5 Philip Roth, Sabbath’s Theater
6 John Varley, Steel Beach
7 Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Harrison Bergeron
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