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purplesage
Trad climber
Bend, OR
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Ritalin and Adderall?
That could be the problem right there.
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wildone
climber
Where you want to be
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Hey-I'm in Berkeley. Have me over to assess the situation. A conflict resolution consultant, if you will. I know some...unorthodox.. ways to ameliorate said predicament.
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martygarrison
Trad climber
Modesto
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Geeze based on these responses which I hope are only from twenty year olds........It confirms my theory why most climbers just don't pull very well. How about a little charm, charisma maybe heaven forbid some tack and understanding. It goes a long ways.
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L
climber
If only I could remember....
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Slob,
Why don't you write her a letter and outline/bulletpoint the main problems you're having with the situation.
Come from a neutral, non-attacking position. Start with the assumption that she's misinterpreted something you said or did, and you would like to clear it up. Did she have expectations that you would do more around the apartment? Are you being too loud late in the evening? Does she feel you're not respecting her privacy?
I'm not saying you're doing any of these things, but perhaps trying to be open to an entirely opposite point of view would help here. Passive/aggressive people have a huge problem with self-esteem; that's the basis of their inability to be forthright about telling you what's bugging them.
If you've got to live with this person until September, and you don't want home to be hell, a little conflict resolution will have to happen. And it's obviously going to have to start with you, as you appear to be more in control of your emotions.
Just think of it as practicing your negotiation skills for the future.
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caughtinside
Social climber
Davis, CA
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you can't capitulate to a bully!
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martygarrison
Trad climber
Modesto
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L you have restored my faith in supertopo. there are adults here!
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L
climber
If only I could remember....
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It's not capitulation, CI, it's called negotiation.
Slob wanted to talk to her anyway...this might be the only way to do it.
And since you're not living there with them in the frosty hell hole, I suggest you push someone else, like yourself, into a freezer of silence. See how much you like.:-)
Edit: Thanks Marty...one adult to another.
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caughtinside
Social climber
Davis, CA
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Slob tried to talk, and was denied.
I suggest more aggressive negotiating techniques.
I've been there and I've seen that bitch. She's not just being shitty to slob she's downright hostile to his guests.
This unchecked passive agression will not stand, man!
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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"maybe heaven forbid some tack"
I think you meant "tact". Tack is what would be used to poke the holes in her condoms.
Hugz -
One of the Teenagers =)
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slobmonster
Trad climber
berkeley, ca
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Topic Author's Reply - Apr 4, 2008 - 06:21pm PT
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I forgot to mention something.
She's already alienated (via yelling unreasonably, and thereupon snubbing) our other housemate, the downstairs neighbor, and the neighbor in the cottage in the back yard. I was simply the last to fall. I'm also the only male in the mix.
I have expressed my discomfort, in a long and civil email some time ago. I did receive a response.
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
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"This unchecked passive agression will not stand, man! "
The Dude has spoken.
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caughtinside
Social climber
Davis, CA
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I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, man. Across this, YOU DO NOT!
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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She sounds like a real bitch, slob. Passive aggressive is the worst, as well as the most frustrating. Rather than waste your time and energy on the bitch (she'll never change) I suggest taking Mel's advice and see if the landlord will let you put someone else in your place on the lease. It's usually not a problem.
I've been in a worse situation - had a horrible housemate who was also selling coke out of the house one time. He had some real sleezeballs coming over to buy from him! He refused to leave, the management company refused to work with me, so basically I had to make the guy's life a living hell until he willingly left. I'll never forget the day he was on his knees begging, on the sidewalk outside the front door. I take great pride in that day.
Good luck.
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martygarrison
Trad climber
Modesto
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gosh Nef, not only can I not spell but I am just dumb all together. I apologize. Please disregard all of my posts from now on. Go for it guys
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L
climber
If only I could remember....
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Well, if you've tried the writing thing...
and the non-attacking negotiating thing...
and done everything humanly possible to communicate how much you'd like to improve the situation...
and you're still getting no response...
except blatant hostility...
there's really only one thing left to do...
Have CaughtInside come over and teach that bully a lesson mano-a-mano! It'll provide great entertainment for the entire community, not to mention some hilarious photos (you will take photos, won't you?) to post up here.
Make sure they wear those big air-filled Rock 'em Sock 'em Robot gloves...we wouldn't want CI to get hurt and not be able to climb, would we?
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Nefarius
Big Wall climber
Fresno, CA
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Uh oh... Back to one adult again now. =)
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caughtinside
Social climber
Davis, CA
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Oh man, slob should post up about how he TOTALLY sandbagged me tuesday night, at the GYM!
What a comedian! He was like, "dude, this is awesome." I got on it and got the smack down and was like, "dude, you totally sandbagged me!!" Then the cute chicks laughed at me because I couldn't do it!!
I was going to kick his ass big time because I'm a really hostile aggressive guy before he told me it was all a joke!
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wildone
climber
Where you want to be
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Start popping tic-tacs and tell her they're anti-psychotic drugs for when your violent paranoid-schizophrenia flares up, which, incidentally, always happens when someone in your life is being unreasonably antagonistic and won't communicate about it...
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Off-Width Loving Crack Whore
Trad climber
SLO
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Write another letter and scrutinize it to the best of your ability so that it is succinct and to the point. Try not to get overly personal, keep it clinical. Then memorize the main bullet points you are making and throw it away. Make your number 1 priority to find a time where you can have an open discussion in a neutral place. Often times removing both parties from their "home turf" brings perspective. Letters, e-mails and Forum posts have the same basic drawback... interpretation. Non-verbal cues ie: smile, scowl, pinched eyebrows, open eyes, slittted eyes, etc. etc. all go a LONG way towards getting your point across especially to women. Why? Because they pick up on non-verbal cues better than men, I could post several points on this fact, but it is easy enough to Google. It's also easier to justify ones actions to ones-self when being confronted in a letter. If you are right in front of her it will be much harder for her to ignore what you are saying when you systematically go over your bullet points. Remain calm and rational and listen to what she has to say, if you can get it to that point.
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