Discussion Topic |
|
This thread has been locked |
ron gomez
Trad climber
|
|
|
Jan 13, 2005 - 04:05pm PT
|
russ
Brilliant!
|
|
loads
Trad climber
Phoenix AZ.
|
|
|
Jan 13, 2005 - 05:13pm PT
|
Sitting with Russ one chilly JT evening this is how he explained it to me..In the dark you sit there legs spread with a can of beef stew between your legs at about the knees..hammer in one hand flashlight in the other ..When you feel that little bugger comming out light goes on and you wack em with the hammer..
And speaking of flopping...Fish and I were bouldering around Hidden Valley CG one morning and he had his usual bowl of fruitloops when these two kids show up to watch us.
Russ starts to arch and hits the deck, flopping and spewing milk and loops everywhere...The kids got on their bikes and rode off screamin....We were rollin...
|
|
Russ Walling
Social climber
Bishop is DEAD, long live JT
|
|
|
Jan 13, 2005 - 06:14pm PT
|
The tapeworm thing has now been finalised to this:
You squat over a bowl of warm milk, or if you can get it, Chunky Sirloin Burger soup..... either must be steamy hot to not only moisten the escape hatch, but to entice the bugger to the actual brink.
Temptation is just too much for said worm and he will make the 16" dash to the steaming bowl of gruel. Don't forget, there is still close to 76 feet of him still inside you, so do nothing rash.
I usually wait until he is comfortable in coming back to the bowl for a second or third time. Think zebra, watering hole, and lion.
Ok, he is head deep in the bowl macking some sirloin, nary a care in the world..... now is the time for action. Before you started this extraction, you arranged for a friend, some hemostats, and a bicycle to be at the ready. One note on the hemostats. I usually use the large size with the teardrop head.... but if you have an exceptionally large tapeworm, something more along the lines of welders tongs can be substituted.
Now things start happening fast.... your buddy quickly clamps the head of the serpent and bolts for the bike.... you start to press and push hard enough to make any Lamaze coach proud..... your buddy is now wailing down the street on the bike, towing the beast by the head at full speed as you continue to push hard enough to give a marble statue roids. The overall feeling of deep bowel evacuation will be quite pleasant (even though you are not into fecophillia) and finally the last of the worm exits at maximum velocity, swishng and thrashing like a homeless lizards tail..... It was prearranged that your buddy would not stop riding for at least 38 minutes, as some tapeworms are just like homing pigeons and will return to roost. Now you apply some salve to the tender parts, chuck the soup unless you are living in Camp 4, and await your buddies return, sans worm.
Seems to work for me.....
|
|
Blowboarder
Boulder climber
Sandpoint, Idaho
|
|
|
Jan 13, 2005 - 06:37pm PT
|
BEST POST EVER!!!!
All the stupid little emoticons on the web couldn't convey how funny that is.
BRAVO!!!!
|
|
yo
climber
NOT Fresno
|
|
|
Jan 13, 2005 - 06:52pm PT
|
That was amazing.
|
|
up2top
Big Wall climber
Phoenix, AZ
|
|
|
Jan 13, 2005 - 07:10pm PT
|
Oh, Christ. I just laughed out loud and barfed at the same time in my cubicle. I'm not even going to try to explain it to my neighbors.
Ed
|
|
Mort
climber
GR, MI
|
|
|
Jan 14, 2005 - 08:16am PT
|
Russ, I've always wondered about you. Now I know that you are one demented puppy. Truely hilarious, although reading it while eating breakfast wasn't the best timing.
Keep 'em comin'
Marty
|
|
Mini
Social climber
Bishop, CA
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2005 - 01:29am PT
|
Here's a few more Fishisms that many of you may not know:
"shroud of f*ckness"--a protective field that can be invoked against calamity by simply repeating "I have a shrooouuudd of f*ckness over me and I am invincible" three times, while simultaneously making a sweeping covering gesture from head to waist. Typically used at poker games, but give it a shot in the field. If it doesn't work, you can always use the Fishism that follows.
"...ass as a hat"--On long runouts your belayer may begin to laugh uncontrollably at their impending demise, at which time you may wish to say "Yeah, it's going to be real funny when you're wearing my ass as a hat. Conversely,if you get yourself into some trouble away from the crags, you may reference the results by saying "Came home wearing my ass as a hat." This one is possibly derived from Fish's Glasgowian heritage where "away and take a run up me hump," or "away and take a run up me arse" are popular favorites.
Mini
|
|
Mini
Social climber
Bishop, CA
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2005 - 01:38am PT
|
oh forgot one more
"load the apparatus" This one came out after some guy got hauled away from the PBC Fish Tank in a rescue gurney, which he then filled with his own vomit. It later came to be applied to any instance of speedy bodily evacuation into any available "apparatus." Often used in conjunction with intestinal distress, typically brought on by eating at any number of Bishop restaurants. I.e. "Ho, man. I ate at Amigo's last night and I spent all morning loading the apparatus."
|
|
Matt
Trad climber
San Francisco
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2005 - 02:08am PT
|
i feel i just have to ask this:
so russ- if you ARE living in camp 4, what do you do w/ the soup?
|
|
Strider
Big Wall climber
Bay Area, Ca
|
|
|
Jan 16, 2005 - 03:41am PT
|
What every dirtbag climber worth the name would do, eat it.
Mmmmn Mmmmn Good!
Or give it to Fish after he comes off a wall.
-n
|
|
sledge*hammer
Mountain climber
|
|
|
Jan 17, 2005 - 01:31am PT
|
My favorite line from The Fish was, "If you buy that shot glass, I'll fill it for you anytime, anywhere."
The funny thing is that I haven't seen him since then. You can run, but you can't hide! I know where you live!
|
|
Jingy
Social climber
Flatland, Ca
|
|
|
Jan 25, 2005 - 04:06pm PT
|
Hey I just remembered a couple of Fishes greatest hits:
Pole-smoker, meat-smoker - Felacio
Skin-muppet, skin-puppet - huh?
"Hey, I got an idea... Let's do weed!!!! - then when you'ld ask "Really???" ('cause your gonna ask REALLY???), Russ would say "Naw, just f*&kin' with ya, I haven't done that sh*t since the eighties!
In Gambling (Black Jack at the Garden)
Doin' the Lon Chaney - how to signal the dealer that your stayin'.
The Hook and Scratch - How to tell the dealer you want one more, then another, then another, until you bust!
Standard answers to stupid questions:
Tell me where and when, can't say, and count me out!
"I'd cruise that... for science!" - Was mentioned after seeing a woman on the tele who had somehow allowed a tumor on her hip to grow to the size of a small pig, like 140 lbs... Nobody said a word to her at the dinner table? What was the last straw? She couldn't even hide this thing under a huge mound of clothing!!! It was huge... Looked like a wart gone wrong. Huge.
For now that is what I remember. I would say more but...There's too much, and I don't to take anything away from the book.
|
|
seamus mcshane
climber
|
|
|
Oct 24, 2005 - 08:24am PT
|
Bacon Strip = Skidmarks in drawers
Crowning = Turtlehead = Touching Cloth
Starfish = Brown Eye = Onion
Green Eel = Post-Sushi # 2
Jungle Book = Hairy Buttler
Roughing Up The Suspect = Masturbation
Smackin' Whitey With A Club = Golf
Making Soup = Female Masturbation
Baseball Cap On Backward = Brain Turned Off Indicator.
|
|
deuce4
Big Wall climber
the Southwest
|
|
|
Oct 24, 2005 - 09:37am PT
|
"foaming at the crotch" for someone who spews endlessly.
|
|
Watusi
Social climber
Joshua Tree, CA
|
|
|
Oct 24, 2005 - 03:34pm PT
|
Ring Beard= Where Dingleberries live.
Winking Wrinkler= Guess
From Blue Boy..."Get back in that chair"..."I am the chair!"
|
|
Mick Ryan
Trad climber
Saratoga Springs, NY
|
|
|
Oct 24, 2005 - 07:45pm PT
|
Bunch a fruckin sicofants the load a ya, specially that Mini and and the Vegan (Marty R).
Just leave the guy alone will ya.
Mick
|
|
Russ Walling
Social climber
THIS SPACE FOR RENT
|
|
|
Oct 24, 2005 - 07:51pm PT
|
For the record.... never said any of these. Some sort of fantasy world must exist where all these random guys hear voices in their heads and then blame me.
|
|
Mick Ryan
Trad climber
Saratoga Springs, NY
|
|
|
Oct 24, 2005 - 08:01pm PT
|
Yeah.....me too.
The turkey meatballs are ready Russ. I have gravy from yesterdays roast that I served the inlaws. Rice potatoes toasted with butter and parmesan, peas, and some leeks that I sauteed in garlic with would you believe it, them there red berry things that the original people of this land (the Vikings I believe) served to the Red Injuns in New Jersey at the first Thanksgiving.
Don't be late.
|
|
Jingy
Social climber
Flatland, Ca
|
|
|
Oct 24, 2005 - 10:41pm PT
|
Was that really a Fish-ism?
Never heard it said quite like that!
Cheers Mick,
Jingy
(Takin' a piss)
|
|
|
SuperTopo on the Web
|
Let us know!