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nature
climber
Flagstaff, AZ
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Dec 12, 2007 - 10:49pm PT
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Words simply cannot describe how this story makes me feel. Inspired is where I would start. I'd fall short to continue so I will leave it there.
Jeff, thank you for this contribution. It was a blessing to finally meet you earlier this year and I look forward to another time where we can enjoy a beer.
Peace
~Doug
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ground_up
Trad climber
mt. hood /baja
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Dec 12, 2007 - 11:12pm PT
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Jello,
You are always inspiring and a class act...raising the bar here at the stand.
Thank you
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nature
climber
Flagstaff, AZ
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Dec 12, 2007 - 11:58pm PT
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Jello,
My scientific mind would suggest this.
" In the middle of the night, our LO, or Liason Officer, "
write it
" In the middle of the night our Liason Officer (LO), "
From then on you can use LO. It's the scientific way and really seems to make sense to me even on a broader scale...
nature
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paganmonkeyboy
climber
mars...it's near nevada...
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Dec 13, 2007 - 01:30am PT
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Wow. That's the goods right there, Jello. The goods indeed. Many thanks.
-Tom
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 13, 2007 - 02:58am PT
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OK, Yo, here's the rest(thank you for being bold):
"There we had a quiet one-sided conversation; me. talking, he. listening. 'I feel like a pharoah standing at the apex of a pyramid built in his honor,' I said. Of course there was no response, but suddenly a wave of acceptance swept over me, rooting me to the spot. For a short time I was transfixed: gravity kept me grounded there on the summit of Pumori; the taste of reality washed over my tongue as I inhaled the rare oxygen of cosmic loneliness; my blood burned with the heat of a stressed metabolism; and I stood there electrified in my nerves, muscles, bones and skin--translucent on the mountain top--like a spark plug trying to fire one of the uncountable cylinders of the universal engine. For that moment, I was where I was meant to be. Soon a cold wind began to blow. 'We better get moving,' I said, 'It's a long way back to the ice cave.'"
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yo
climber
The Eye of the Snail
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Dec 13, 2007 - 10:34am PT
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Wow.
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Doug Robinson
Trad climber
Santa Cruz
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Dec 13, 2007 - 11:38am PT
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Jeff,
This is really good. There is something very solid in the narrative right from the start. Simple clear sentences add up to a strongly driving story, maybe the basis of that good comment upthread that we feel we're with you. That sense is helped, too, by it not being overdone, whipped up, as if you're trying too hard to bring us in. Instead, we really get it that you're doing a big solo on a huge mountain in the bitterness of winter. Stepping nimbly past the ghosts of 10,000 feet of fixed line. Because you're not pushing the experience at us, I find myself leaning forward to suck the feeling-meaning-action out of the next sentence. Great little moment when you're leaning your head on your tools which shows, more than you could by saying it, the gulping-thin-air effort and exhaustion.
You know I've been collecting examples of summit euphoria raising us to transcendent states for my Alchemy of Action book, and that new paragraph goes right into the collection. Eerie good, and nicely set off by mentioning "gravity kept me grounded," cuz the rest flies away so brilliantly. Synesthesia -- one of the senses expressing the feelings of another -- gives us liftoff. Strainght into the fine conundrum of getting "transparent" from cosmic loneliness, yet feeling so connected to throbbing life as one of a myriad of firing cylinders.
Your Dad's companionship shows the blessing (if I can strip away the word's theological baggage) of coming out of a healthy family, and pushes me to get it rather profoundly that part of the brilliance of your climbing career flows out of that solid grounding of your life. Casts me back to your stories of being a kid climbing the Grand with your Dad and your brother. And that all sits in palpable contrast to much of the bitter and spun-out backstory we often hear behind hard alpine climbing.
Nice little bonus, for me, that your LO turns out to be Mr. Shrestha, who was LO with us not long before that on Ama Dablam.
Powerful, Jeff. Thanks.
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BadInfluence
Mountain climber
Dak side
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Dec 13, 2007 - 11:57am PT
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Bravo! thank you Jello
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Jobee
Social climber
El Portal
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Dec 13, 2007 - 12:06pm PT
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Jello,
I could not put it down, thank you!
Met and worked with Earl on a brief job here in Yosemite at Glacier Point ten years ago.
Earl had a force that was unrelenting. The impression he left on me somehow dug in, I shall never forget him.
Your fathers letter just etched another, as did your words and story.
My morning was just made perfect. Sigh.
Jo Whitford
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deuce4
Big Wall climber
the Southwest
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Dec 13, 2007 - 03:44pm PT
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that was a world class story. Wow!
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scuffy b
climber
Stump with a backrest
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Dec 13, 2007 - 03:59pm PT
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Thanks for posting the summit conversation, Jeff.
Some powerful phrases in there.
I think the story is better as you posted it, however,
mentioning but not detailing the conversation. Better flow
or something.
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Jaybro
Social climber
The West
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Dec 13, 2007 - 06:23pm PT
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Thanks, Jeff! Like scuffy said, I read the earlier one, and I was so emotionally drained, I can't pick the nuance differences, now. When you posted this one I knew I couldn't sit and read it till the time was right. Just now it was, and I am floored.
Like your climbing, that was truly, art.
 maybe, don't edit it too much more?
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Jello
Social climber
No Ut
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Topic Author's Reply - Dec 14, 2007 - 01:14am PT
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Thank you, my friends. You are helping me to find a way to get at something I've always wanted/needed to express. I think this story is nearly done, but your support has given me a few new tools to go back and work over some other stuff. Maybe there's hope that I'll finish the book, afterall. (As an aside: Doug, I want to read your masterpiece before I'm dead, too!)
I dropped the expanded summit paragraph into the body of the OP. Sorry Scuffy, Yo pried it out of me, and I think it will probably stay. I also made the fix Nature suggested. But I will take Jaybro's suggestion, too, and try not to overwork it.
-Jello
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WBraun
climber
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Dec 14, 2007 - 01:50am PT
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Hummmmnnn?
Me knowing Earl and how fuking strong he was and him falling apart over there tells me one thing about you Jello.
You must be Hercules unchained ......
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scuffy b
climber
Stump with a backrest
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Dec 14, 2007 - 08:36pm PT
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It works well with that change, Jeff.
There's something about this which is unusual.
Every time I read it, its power is undiminished.
First time, every time.
Totally gripping.
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Double D
climber
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Dec 15, 2007 - 06:37pm PT
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Awesome story Jeff, keep it up!
DD
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Omot
Trad climber
The here and now
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Dec 16, 2007 - 01:19am PT
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Jeff,
Wow! Amazing experience, amazing writing. Thanks for sharing.
Tomo
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Wild Bill
climber
Ca
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Dec 17, 2007 - 09:58pm PT
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Bump for the REAL action.
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Ezra
Trad climber
WA, NC
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Mar 23, 2008 - 09:09pm PT
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Phenomenal writing Jeff, let us know if you publish a book.
-e
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scuffy b
climber
Bad Brothers' Bait and Switch Shop
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Apr 30, 2009 - 02:42pm PT
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In case any of you missed this before, prepare yourselves for
some absolutely top-notch writing.
You might want chalk, hankies, warm milk, who knows.
Totally stunning.
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