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tooth
Mountain climber
B.C.
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Happy Canada day!
Couldn't be happier to be living here for Canada Day this year! And I get to climb at Squamish this week to boot!
Cheers!
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WoodySt
Trad climber
Riverside
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I need a map to find it. I thought I knew where all the states were. Oh well, Happy Candida Day.
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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Aaarrghhh. Had to come back to the US for Canada Day. Bummer eh?
But at least we got to spend the weekend part of the Canada Day holiday in Squamish. Being high up on the Chief in 30 degree temps was fun, and it sure did make the beer taste good when we got down.
D
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bluering
Trad climber
Santa Clara, Ca.
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Alright, what the hell do you guys do to apples up there anyway. I just had a Spartan apple from Canada and while it was real sweet, it had a funky grainy texture to it. WTF? I let a co-worker sample it and he thought the same thing. Funky.
Happy Canada Day!!!
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Ghost
climber
A long way from where I started
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put on yer red underwear, and feel the love
Well, I wasn't going to be the first to mention it, but I've always felt that being the only person to have his underwear memorialized in your cartoons has given me a kind of gravitas shared by few others in the climbing community.
The BBQ will also be active
Will it be active next w/e as well? There's a chance we'll be back up then.
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matisse
climber
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Happy Canada Day form another expat.
my fav patriotic web site"
http://www.standingonguard.com/index2.html
be sure to read the hate mail.
"Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain".
- Pierre Elliott Trudeau, 1919 - 2000
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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TiG: By "border", you mean "49th parallel", eh? Oh well, no matter - most of the players are Canadians anyway.
Oh my! This one is still stumping everyone? Obviously my question probably should say "franchise" and not "team" since the team would be different year to year personnel-wise.
By border, I mean, of course, the political dividing line between the two countries.
So which franchise, north of the border, has won 4 Stanley Cup Championships since Montreal last won in the spring of 1993?
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 04:11pm PT
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An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from south to north.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to god. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to god. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Ottawa, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "10 cents per call." The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
"That's because from Canada, it's a local call."
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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Local call?
I think it is answered by Don Cherry, eh?
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 04:16pm PT
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Everyone knows the story of God creating the world in six days, and resting on the seventh....well on the sixth day, God and the archangel Michael were looking down on the world and God says "Mike, I think I'm really getting the hang of this creation business. I'm so happy that today I will create the best land in the world. My new land will be most beautiful. I will give it tall majestic mountains, and wide open prairies...I will give it not one, not even two, but three oceans...I will cover this land in rich green forests, deep blue lakes, crystal clear rivers and beautiful wildlife for them to enjoy..I will let them experience all four seasons and I will populate this land with all different types of people...nothing but the kindest, gentlest most caring people in the world...
I will call this land Canada, and the people who live there shall be known as Canadians...These Canadians will be known around the world for their friendliness, and compassion for others, and will be well respected by all..they will rise up in the face of tyranny, and help crush evil that threatens the world. They will be intelligent, and use this intelligence for the good of the world...."
God keeps going on like this for awhile..and this whole time Mike has become quite worried so finally he says.."God, I don't mean to question you, but don't you think that you may be giving these Canadians a little too much? I mean, it sounds like Eden or something."...
God looks upon Mike and smiles...then says "Don't worry...tomorrow I'm making their neighbours!"
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 04:22pm PT
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It's close to the fourth of July, and a first grade teacher in the U.S. south, in a burst of patriotism, explains to her class that she is a proud American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are proud Americans too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristin has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American."
"Then", asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"I’m a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristin why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I’m a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristin, "I’d be an [insert name]."
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 04:26pm PT
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The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After 1 year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After two weeks and a cost of around $75.46, and two cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
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Crimpergirl
Social climber
Boulder, Colorado!
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Anders! Bwahahahhaaaa
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Ouch!
climber
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Is UFFDA a Canadian word?
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 04:55pm PT
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Canadians don't say uff da! very much. It's a Norwegian expression, often used in U.S. states with large Scandinavian populations. The sort of thing that Garrison Keillor likes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uff_da
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TradIsGood
Chalkless climber
the Gunks end of the country
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I am waiting for Ouch!'s picture of the Canadian researchers after their study.
:-)
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 08:05pm PT
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Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.
The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"
The two guys reply, "Well, you know, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.
The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?"
Again the two guys reply, "Well, like we told ya yesterday, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, eh."
This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming everywhere. He stops by the room with the two guys from Canada and finds them in light jackets and bucket hats, grilling sausage and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves."
The two Canadians reply, "Well, ya know, we don't get too much warm weather up there in Toronto so we've just got to have a cook-out when the weather's THIS nice."
The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to turn all the heat off in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere; people are shivering so bad that they are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth.
The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Canadians.
He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, toques, and mittens. NOW they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men!!!
The devil is dumbfounded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two???"
The Torontonians look at the devil in surprise, "Well, don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Leafs have won the Stanley Cup."
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 08:08pm PT
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Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had to deliver a report on the animals.
France's report: "The Love Life of an Elephant."
America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit."
Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 08:16pm PT
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(One for Ed.)
A major research institution in British Columbia recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium, and is usually found in Ottawa.
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
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Mighty Hiker
Social climber
Vancouver, B.C.
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Topic Author's Reply - Jul 1, 2008 - 08:24pm PT
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After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Canada Dry."
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
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