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healyje
Trad climber
Portland, Oregon
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Nov 20, 2014 - 02:45pm PT
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Well, he may have been great in many ways, and it sounds like you guys built some history, but I'd say he definitely never managed to part with all his baggage from the previous marriage. Being with him is one thing, being with his previous marriage is another. Hurts I'm sure, but it sounds like you'll be better off in the long run.
The only thing that really stands out is the six years. If someone can't or won't close the deal in a year or two (i.e. commit and live together [marriage is irrelevant]), then they probably aren't in a place where you want to keep on keeping on.
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Jingy
climber
Somewhere out there
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Nov 20, 2014 - 02:53pm PT
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Karen - I don't know you so my advise/words should all be disregarded.
Topic Author's Original Post - Nov 20, 2014 - 10:57am PT
Yep, hurts like Hell
 I'm sorry to hear about your getting dumped. At the same time I'm happy for you... Please, let me explain.
was with this guy for over 6 yrs and he just walked away.
There must have been more to it than he one day just decided to walk away. There may have been indicators of his intent if you think back (but don't waste your time on that). We all do it to one extent or another. Some of the best are the criminals and the psychopaths and the lawyers.
Even taught him to climb, we did so much together, skied, hiked, backpacked and I took him to places he'd never been in the Sierra.
Just knowing that you have enriched someones life just a little bit is the big picture thing I tend to hold up and less about the individual achievements.
His excuse for breaking up; never wants to get married nor even live together. Told me he was broken from the ex-wife (this was obvious due to his not getting ride of all her sh*t in his house~weird).
Hate to say it but this guy sounds as messed up as me... maybe less... but yes, that seems weird to me too.
Must think positive, however, not easy when you've loved someone.
Oh, Karen. If only you knew the person I read when I read what you wrote. Ultimately she is better for having lost the limb and would have led to a much larger amputation if not excised.
Words of wisdom would be very much appreciated from you guys:)
Karen
I don't think I have words of wisdom available. I just know enough to know that there were two people in that relationship and this is no reason to ever question your ability to commit. Best taken in stride. I wish I was a better motivational speaker because I know that you are better now. As much as I'd like to say all that stuff that everyone would want to be the one to say in the hopes of helping you, I can't think of anything better than all that.
How about this?
Would it be better if he came back today and said just kidding?
But you've already spent time outside that bubble of comfort.
cheers
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Barbarian
climber
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Nov 20, 2014 - 03:12pm PT
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You deserve someone who loves you in return unequivocally.
Honor your feelings now, but also use this time to picture a better relationship and a brighter future; you can dream your own new reality into being.
(And some lucky guy out there has no idea what opportunity just opened up for him.)
Edge for the win!
That is truly sound advice. Karen, keep on looking for the lucky guy...you'll know him when you meet him (and his house won't be full of his ex's junk).
Peace!
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pc
climber
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Nov 20, 2014 - 03:27pm PT
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My go to advice is...
Sweat. Run Foresta run....
Add with all the above advice , then, shake don't stir.
Cheers,
pc
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SC seagoat
Trad climber
Santa Cruz, or In What Time Zone Am I?
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Nov 20, 2014 - 03:31pm PT
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Sorry to hear about your breakup. No wise words...just another shoulder!
Susan
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Capt.
climber
some eastside hovel
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Nov 20, 2014 - 03:39pm PT
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Time for teleskigirl to move back to Mammoth??? ;-)
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Nov 20, 2014 - 05:04pm PT
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Karen-
Been there. I have no words of consolation other than to say life goes on. It is not easy when you have given your all.
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mouse from merced
Trad climber
The finger of fate, my friends, is fickle.
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Nov 20, 2014 - 05:14pm PT
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with no pontificating, there's more to life than a relationship
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE?
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johntp
Trad climber
socal
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Nov 20, 2014 - 05:23pm PT
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Just got back from Texas and picked up some chewie pralines. PM me if it woold help. Hell. PM me anyways. I have pralines with your addy on them; just need the addy.
edit: I'm a dork; take the pralines!
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survival
Big Wall climber
Terrapin Station
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Nov 20, 2014 - 05:27pm PT
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For this situation I recommend the Oban.
Tami, I have a super good friend who lives in Oban!! Maybe Karen should fly to Scotland and meet him, and be closer to the source.
Either that or take a winter climbing trip to Cochise Stronghold!
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phylp
Trad climber
Upland, CA
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Nov 20, 2014 - 05:28pm PT
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Sorry to hear that you are hurting, Karen.
Sounds like he was damaged and can't let that go.
Probably better for you in the long run to be rid of that energy.
Stay strong!
Phyl
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Karen
Trad climber
So Cal urban sprawl Hell
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Topic Author's Reply - Nov 20, 2014 - 05:48pm PT
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Thanks for all of your replies, it does help.
Hey capt. I'd love to move back up to Mammoth but with no jobs kinda rules that out.
I'll be in Mammoth quite a bit this winter since I have a ski pass but you'll find me at June Mt., once there is enough snow! and yeah, Tele is the only way to go along with back country skiing!
locker, you and I will go climbing, soon as this damn heel of mine heals.
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John M
climber
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Nov 20, 2014 - 05:53pm PT
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locker, you and I will go climbing, soon as this damn heel of mine heals.
I thought the heel left
sorry.. :-) I've had nothing but bad jokes going through my head all day..
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Happiegrrrl2
Trad climber
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Nov 20, 2014 - 06:03pm PT
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Sorry Karen. I have no advice but to try to be good to yourself and stay active. I will be in JT in about a week, staying through winter - if you want to come out and climb, just let me know!
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MisterE
Gym climber
Bishop, CA
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Nov 20, 2014 - 06:36pm PT
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I got dumped over the phone about 6 years ago. I was 46, and pretty sure at that point I was going to be single for the rest of my life.
3 months later (after completely giving up on meeting anyone), I met my wife Justthemaid at a Todd Gordon slideshow during a climbing trip from Flagstaff to JTree.
I look back now and just shake my head at the fickle finger of fate.
The one who dumped me on the phone was completely wrong for me, then I met the completely right one.
Giving up was the best thing I have ever done. People have told me that before, but it never really sank in.
My wish is this slamming door is just an opportunity for another one to open up for you, Karen.
Namaste, Erik
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Todd Eastman
climber
Bellingham, WA
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Nov 20, 2014 - 07:33pm PT
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Perfect way to start a new ski season!
Fresh tracks...
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Daphne
Trad climber
Northern California
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Nov 20, 2014 - 09:58pm PT
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It's going to really really suck for a while.
Give yourself permission to grieve the dreams you had. New ones will arise from the ashes.
What have you learned from this relationship?
Forgive yourself (only do this if you are judging yourself, otherwise never mind this.)
I'm so glad you reached out to your community. Times like this, we need to know we are not alone. You are not alone.
PM me anytime. I've been where you are. (Now, I am so darn grateful that he dumped me.)
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Lynne Leichtfuss
Sport climber
moving thru
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Nov 20, 2014 - 10:00pm PT
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Yes to Edge and Mr. E.
Karen, I wrote you on FB. Hope you got it. But, dang girl, bottom line is our worth is not determined by another human being. They are flawed. You and I, each person here, need be who we are, be joyful with who we are and if another is not there for us like the guy you were with, it is a great adios.
You were obviously giving in your relationship much more than you were receiving.
I read recently that if you pursue what you love you will meet the people that love what you do. Then you need to use your heart and gut to weed them out.
A 35 year old friend of mine just got dumped by her boyfriend. A beautiful young woman physically and personality wise. But like you, she didn't get dumped, the God (s) were looking out for you both. Her guy was like yours.
Alone is alone, but it is OK and a time to grow and learn and be strong. Gal, you can do what ever you what right now!!!! How many people can? If you come south call and let's have fun. Cheers and Hugs, lynnie
Plus tears cause I've lost too.
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Crazy Bat
Sport climber
Birmingham, AL & Seweanee, TN
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Nov 21, 2014 - 01:25am PT
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Plenty of fish in the sea. My momma used to tell me that when some boy broke my heart.....then I discovered sport fishing. Every heard of trophy fish. I've mounted a couple......on my wall you dirtbags, get your heads out of the gutter. LOL
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