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Haggis
Trad climber
Scotland
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Jan 31, 2010 - 06:05pm PT
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ahhh its begun!!!
Whats the second fastest thing in Wales?
The last virgin sheep's shepherd.
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Patrick Sawyer
climber
Originally California now Ireland
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Jan 31, 2010 - 06:10pm PT
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Haggis, on a slightly different note...
Who is the fastest person in a Louisiana family?
The daughter, so she can outrun her father and brothers.
I know, I know, sick.
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Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
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A young lad gets a summer job as a sheepherder in Montana.
The owner shows him around the high meadow the sheep will graze and tells him he will be back in a month to resupply him with food.
As part of the lads orientation: he meets the sheepdog Victor.
The owner explains that Victor takes care of all sheep-herding, and also keeps them safe. All the lad has to do is take care of Victor the sheepdog.
As the owner is leaving he leans over and says softly: “Lad, Victor thinks he owns those sheep. Don’t ever try to have sex with them, or he will bite the heck out of you.”
The blushing lad stammers out that he is not, nor will he ever be attracted to sheep.
The owner nods knowingly, and departs for one month.
The next couple weeks go be very slowly as Victor herds the sheep each day and the young lad feeds and grooms Victor.
Of course the more comely ewes start finding opportunities to get up close to the cute young human. Towards the beginning of the third week the lad is out for a walk and finds a stray ewe.
Aha he thinks, the damn mutt isn’t around, and I’ve never been so horny in my life.
Just as his pants drop: Victor springs on him, bites at his hands, growls with great menace, and drives the ewe back to the herd.
The lad is now obsessed with having sex with an ewe. None of his ploys work. Victor always shows up in time to thwart him. On one occasion he ties the dog up, but Victor chews through the rope and thwarts the lads plans.
Another week goes by and the owner is due back the next day.
However, late that afternoon a small prop-plane flies over the meadow trailing smoke. After a tight circle around the meadow, it lands hard and flips over. The brave lad runs to the now-burning plane and drags the sole occupant to safety.
The pilot soon awakens unharmed and turns out to be a beautiful young woman. The lad tells her he dragged her from the burning plane and she realizes he saved her life. She tell him she is very grateful and will be in debt to him forever.
The evening after dinner: the lad, the beautiful pilot, and Victor are all sitting around the campfire. After a while the woman moves close to the lad, puts a hand in his lap and repeats how grateful she is. Finally she looks deep into the lad’s eyes and tells him she would do anything, anything at all, for him this night.
The lad thinks for a while, and then smiles and says: “Lady, could you hang onto Victor for a while? I need to go check on the sheep.”
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moacman
Trad climber
Montana
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Well there ya go. That just proved why there are more sheep than people in Montana.....
Stevo
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Hawkeye
climber
State of Mine
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i liked that fritz, bust it just doesnt seem right that someone from ida-hoe teases montana!
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Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
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Hawkeye: Re i liked that fritz, bust it just doesnt seem right that someone from ida-hoe teases montana!
I feel "right close" to montana, here in Idontno.
Seriously, my great-grandfather ran a butcher-shop in Gardner in the late 1800's. He eventually became the contractor for the hotels in Yellowstone and supplied them with meat.
He retired to Livingston, bought a big ranch and checked out from a botched operation in the 1920's. In the 1960's we would go up to Livingston from Idontno and visit his last wife. For a teenager: she was a old lady wonder! She lived in a nice house: and taught me to play poker and drink bourbon when I was 14.
Since 1984, I have been visiting Montana as a "Outdoor Gear Salesrep."
In the early days of "sales-repping" I traveled with my pet-sheep Daisy. Gave her up when I married Heidi in 1988.
Ah-----Daisy! I left her with a friend in Montana.
Damnit! I can tell Montana sheep stories. Daisy is still there!
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MisterE
Social climber
Across Town From Easy Street
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I once said something I felt sheepish about afterwards - does that count?
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Jay Wood
Trad climber
Fairfax, CA
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The city folks are out for a drive in the country. They are enjoying the scenery- rolling hills, farms, fields, and so on.
They stop at a rise to admire the view, and notice some activity in the field below.
As they look closer, they are disturbed to see a man among the sheep, with his pants down, f##king one of them.
"This is terrible, we've got to do something." Says the woman Let's go down to that farmhouse and tell them what's happening.
They make their way to the house, and in an agitated state ring the bell.
A young man answers the door, and they tell him- "Sorry to bother you, but we thought you would want to know, someone's out in the field, abusing your sheep"
The young man leans out to see what they are pointing at, and then says-
"Oh, that's just Daaaaad."
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Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
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Sheridan Anderson knew that "full utilization" of your sheep pals was "where it is at!"
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Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
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Come-on now. Most of you have needs. Out in the mountains----sheep are obviously a healthier choice than the other alternatives.
Sheep don't tell or sue! And you never know who that rubber-chicken has been with!
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Fritz
Trad climber
Hagerman, ID
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A few years back I spent a night at a friend’s house in Jackson, Wy.
He was working his way up in the fly-fishing world. He had gone from fishing-bum, to guide, to year-round retail fly-shop employee, to master fly-tyer, and was now staring on the fishing lecture circuit.
The other house-guest was a New Zealand fishing guide traveling “the states.”
Of course we had to drink and tell stories.
After a while: it was “sheep stories.”
The New Zealand Guide had heard every one of mine, and I had heard every one of his.
It was a “sheep story” stand-off.
Mt10910: Your last story is a new one to me.
Guess ----------I’ll have to celebrate tonight!
Woohoo! A new sheep joke!
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